Now that Easter is behind us, remember to sign up for first aid classes if possible if no one else you know has. We could've avoided yesterday if anyone knew how to properly check for a pulse. #firstaid#easter#goddammit#humor#sarcasm
I have a senior co-worker who is under 5 feet that needs to know everything is being done just right at all times. I call him our mirco-micro-manager. #retail#dadjokes#sarcasm
My manager tried to compliment me today by saying I was good at upselling customers, and let me tell you I have never felt so dirty. #retail#betrayer#classtraitor#forgiveme
Have you heard about the new performative acting troop? They're called the Democrats; they don't take audience requests and they're not coming to a city near you. #sarcasm#politics#democrats#helpless#useless
So to summarize what's happening, people looked at MAGA and said"What a bunch of insecure, scared bigots who think they're the saviors of the USA" and Elon Musk said "Hold my ketamine" #sarcasm#politics#elonmusk#comedy#weenie
Ah, to be a Democratic advisor: to ignore everything that has and is happening, blaming the people for not getting my genius, and still getting paid six figures.
Not to put too much pressure on anyone, but for the next 4 years I need everyone's meme game to be A+ since it will be my main coping mechanism with reality
Me: ...and I pretend to use the bathroom but actually I'm on my phone in there Them: Okay, you got the spirit of it, but lemme explain 'I don't give a shit at work' actually means
Me: I know I locked us out of work, but there's no need to have a *meltdown* about it, eh? Them: Me: Eeehh? Them: We work in a nuclear power plant you asshat *Sirens go off in the distance*
