Cobra Commander Posts
@cobracmdrposts.bsky.social
SUPREME COMMANDER OF COBRA ~ FUTURE RULER OF EARTH ~ GLORY TO COBRA ~ COMMANDER RULES, DESTRO DROOLS ~ DICTATED BUT NOT READ (Parody Account)
PEOPLE KEEP ASKING IF COBRA PLANS TO PIVOT TO AI AND I KEEP INFORMING THEM TO PIVOT ON THE BUSINESS END OF A LASER CANON.
January 2, 2026 at 11:10 PM
PEOPLE KEEP ASKING IF COBRA PLANS TO PIVOT TO AI AND I KEEP INFORMING THEM TO PIVOT ON THE BUSINESS END OF A LASER CANON.
THAT’S NOT FIREWORKS, YOU IMBECILES! SOMEONE LEFT THEIR CIGARETTE IN THE MUNITIONS ROOM! TAKE COVER!
January 1, 2026 at 8:06 AM
THAT’S NOT FIREWORKS, YOU IMBECILES! SOMEONE LEFT THEIR CIGARETTE IN THE MUNITIONS ROOM! TAKE COVER!
YOUR COMMANDER DOESN’T CONCERN HIMSELF WITH ANYTHING SO PEDESTRIAN AS NEW YEARS “RESOLUTIONS.”
THAT BEING SAID, MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I FINALLY MANAGE TO GET THE DREADNOKS HOUSEBROKEN.
THAT BEING SAID, MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I FINALLY MANAGE TO GET THE DREADNOKS HOUSEBROKEN.
December 31, 2025 at 5:54 AM
YOUR COMMANDER DOESN’T CONCERN HIMSELF WITH ANYTHING SO PEDESTRIAN AS NEW YEARS “RESOLUTIONS.”
THAT BEING SAID, MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I FINALLY MANAGE TO GET THE DREADNOKS HOUSEBROKEN.
THAT BEING SAID, MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I FINALLY MANAGE TO GET THE DREADNOKS HOUSEBROKEN.
WHY DOES TIME BETWEEN CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR’S FEEL ODDLY LIMINAL AND UNSETTLING?
BECAUSE OF THE TEMPORAL RESONANCE EMITTERS WE DEPLOYED IN ALL OF YOUR XMAS GIFT CARDS! DELIVER $10 BILLION TO COBRA IF YOU EVER WANT TIME TO RETURN TO NORMAL AND NOT FEEL LIKE THE THIRD ACT OF A WES ANDERSON FILM!
BECAUSE OF THE TEMPORAL RESONANCE EMITTERS WE DEPLOYED IN ALL OF YOUR XMAS GIFT CARDS! DELIVER $10 BILLION TO COBRA IF YOU EVER WANT TIME TO RETURN TO NORMAL AND NOT FEEL LIKE THE THIRD ACT OF A WES ANDERSON FILM!
December 29, 2025 at 11:25 PM
WHY DOES TIME BETWEEN CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR’S FEEL ODDLY LIMINAL AND UNSETTLING?
BECAUSE OF THE TEMPORAL RESONANCE EMITTERS WE DEPLOYED IN ALL OF YOUR XMAS GIFT CARDS! DELIVER $10 BILLION TO COBRA IF YOU EVER WANT TIME TO RETURN TO NORMAL AND NOT FEEL LIKE THE THIRD ACT OF A WES ANDERSON FILM!
BECAUSE OF THE TEMPORAL RESONANCE EMITTERS WE DEPLOYED IN ALL OF YOUR XMAS GIFT CARDS! DELIVER $10 BILLION TO COBRA IF YOU EVER WANT TIME TO RETURN TO NORMAL AND NOT FEEL LIKE THE THIRD ACT OF A WES ANDERSON FILM!
825 HIGHLY TRAINED SNIPERS ARMED WITH LASER-GUIDED ROCKETS! 400 HEAVILY ARMED CRIMSON GUARD WITH GENETICALLY ENGINEERES PITBULSS! ROBOTIC DEATHTRAPS TRIGGERED BY A FEATHER’S TOUCH! DREADNOKS WITH CHAINSAWS ON COCAINE!
AND *STILL* I GOT COAL IN MY STOCKING!
NEXT YEAR, SANTA! NEEEEXT YEEEEEAAAAR!
AND *STILL* I GOT COAL IN MY STOCKING!
NEXT YEAR, SANTA! NEEEEXT YEEEEEAAAAR!
December 25, 2025 at 9:42 PM
825 HIGHLY TRAINED SNIPERS ARMED WITH LASER-GUIDED ROCKETS! 400 HEAVILY ARMED CRIMSON GUARD WITH GENETICALLY ENGINEERES PITBULSS! ROBOTIC DEATHTRAPS TRIGGERED BY A FEATHER’S TOUCH! DREADNOKS WITH CHAINSAWS ON COCAINE!
AND *STILL* I GOT COAL IN MY STOCKING!
NEXT YEAR, SANTA! NEEEEXT YEEEEEAAAAR!
AND *STILL* I GOT COAL IN MY STOCKING!
NEXT YEAR, SANTA! NEEEEXT YEEEEEAAAAR!
WE REMIND LAST MINUTE XMAS SHOPPERS THAT COBOBRAS, THE HIP NEW ALTERNATIVE TO LABUBUS, ARE A PERFECT STOCKING STUFFER AND NOT AT ALL INTENDED TO MUTATE TO SEVEN FOOT TALL RAMPAGING CYBER-YETIS AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT!
BUY TWO & SHARE WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS!
BUY TWO & SHARE WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS!
December 24, 2025 at 11:01 PM
WE REMIND LAST MINUTE XMAS SHOPPERS THAT COBOBRAS, THE HIP NEW ALTERNATIVE TO LABUBUS, ARE A PERFECT STOCKING STUFFER AND NOT AT ALL INTENDED TO MUTATE TO SEVEN FOOT TALL RAMPAGING CYBER-YETIS AT THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT!
BUY TWO & SHARE WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS!
BUY TWO & SHARE WITH YOUR NEIGHBORS!
LOOK, I DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TIME TO DO THE 20 LATCHES ON THE BACK OF THIS DAMN MIRROR BALL.
rewatching GI JOE and delighted that from episode one Cobra Commander has his at-home sweatpant version of his mask. also intrigued that scarred Xomat opts for the the femme tailoring on his suit (lapel flower right, buttons left) versus Tomax’s more traditional male cut.
December 23, 2025 at 12:35 PM
LOOK, I DON’T ALWAYS HAVE TIME TO DO THE 20 LATCHES ON THE BACK OF THIS DAMN MIRROR BALL.
ALL GIFT EXCHANGE PARTIES ARE HEREBY BANNED AT COBRA FACILITIES!
I DID NOT FORM THE DEADLIEST INDEPENDENT MILITARY ON EARTH JUST TO HAVE DESTRO STEAL MY LA CREUSET RAMKINS AND LEAVE ME WITH A GIFT CERTIFICATE THE BARONESS BROUGHT FOR SOME PLACE CALLED “BAD DRAGON”!
I DID NOT FORM THE DEADLIEST INDEPENDENT MILITARY ON EARTH JUST TO HAVE DESTRO STEAL MY LA CREUSET RAMKINS AND LEAVE ME WITH A GIFT CERTIFICATE THE BARONESS BROUGHT FOR SOME PLACE CALLED “BAD DRAGON”!
December 23, 2025 at 3:35 AM
ALL GIFT EXCHANGE PARTIES ARE HEREBY BANNED AT COBRA FACILITIES!
I DID NOT FORM THE DEADLIEST INDEPENDENT MILITARY ON EARTH JUST TO HAVE DESTRO STEAL MY LA CREUSET RAMKINS AND LEAVE ME WITH A GIFT CERTIFICATE THE BARONESS BROUGHT FOR SOME PLACE CALLED “BAD DRAGON”!
I DID NOT FORM THE DEADLIEST INDEPENDENT MILITARY ON EARTH JUST TO HAVE DESTRO STEAL MY LA CREUSET RAMKINS AND LEAVE ME WITH A GIFT CERTIFICATE THE BARONESS BROUGHT FOR SOME PLACE CALLED “BAD DRAGON”!
BEFORE ANYONE ASKS, YES, WE HAVE PAID HOLIDAY LEAVE. NO, THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE THE BATs. GET BACK TO WORK, CLANKERS!
December 20, 2025 at 12:50 AM
BEFORE ANYONE ASKS, YES, WE HAVE PAID HOLIDAY LEAVE. NO, THAT DOES NOT INCLUDE THE BATs. GET BACK TO WORK, CLANKERS!
WAR? OVER OIL? WHAT ABSOLUTE AMATEUR HOUR!
IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WAR OVER GETTING TO CARVE YOUR FACE INTO THE MOON, THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT!?
IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WAR OVER GETTING TO CARVE YOUR FACE INTO THE MOON, THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT!?
December 18, 2025 at 7:13 PM
WAR? OVER OIL? WHAT ABSOLUTE AMATEUR HOUR!
IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WAR OVER GETTING TO CARVE YOUR FACE INTO THE MOON, THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT!?
IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO WAR OVER GETTING TO CARVE YOUR FACE INTO THE MOON, THEN WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT!?
COBRA HAS NO ISSUE WITH TRANS PEOPLE! FRANKLY WE NEED ALL THE RECRUITS WE CAN GET. WE LOST HALF A BATTALION TO A SAILOR & HIS WISE-ASS TALKING BIRD ALONE. ENLIST TODAY!
December 16, 2025 at 8:06 PM
COBRA HAS NO ISSUE WITH TRANS PEOPLE! FRANKLY WE NEED ALL THE RECRUITS WE CAN GET. WE LOST HALF A BATTALION TO A SAILOR & HIS WISE-ASS TALKING BIRD ALONE. ENLIST TODAY!
IF ANY CRIMSON GUARD ARE NEAR SECTOR 1, AID YOUR COMMANDER!
I WENT OUT TO GET THE PAPER AND THE DOOR SNAPPED SHUT BEHIND ME! AND TO WHOEVER THREW THOSE SNOWBALLS FROM THE BATTLEMENTS WHEN I SHOUTED FOR HELP, I *WILL* BE REVIEWING SECURITY FOOTAGE!
I WENT OUT TO GET THE PAPER AND THE DOOR SNAPPED SHUT BEHIND ME! AND TO WHOEVER THREW THOSE SNOWBALLS FROM THE BATTLEMENTS WHEN I SHOUTED FOR HELP, I *WILL* BE REVIEWING SECURITY FOOTAGE!
December 15, 2025 at 10:43 AM
IF ANY CRIMSON GUARD ARE NEAR SECTOR 1, AID YOUR COMMANDER!
I WENT OUT TO GET THE PAPER AND THE DOOR SNAPPED SHUT BEHIND ME! AND TO WHOEVER THREW THOSE SNOWBALLS FROM THE BATTLEMENTS WHEN I SHOUTED FOR HELP, I *WILL* BE REVIEWING SECURITY FOOTAGE!
I WENT OUT TO GET THE PAPER AND THE DOOR SNAPPED SHUT BEHIND ME! AND TO WHOEVER THREW THOSE SNOWBALLS FROM THE BATTLEMENTS WHEN I SHOUTED FOR HELP, I *WILL* BE REVIEWING SECURITY FOOTAGE!
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS HAS BEGUN!
EVEN NOW, OUR INFLATABLE SNOWMAN ASSASSIN BOTS HAVE BEEN THE SIGNAL TO WREAK HAVOC ON MAJOR CITIES UNTIL ONE BILLION EUROS ARE TRANSFERRED TO-
WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* THEY’RE “JUST POPPING THEM”?! FOOLSSS!!!
EVEN NOW, OUR INFLATABLE SNOWMAN ASSASSIN BOTS HAVE BEEN THE SIGNAL TO WREAK HAVOC ON MAJOR CITIES UNTIL ONE BILLION EUROS ARE TRANSFERRED TO-
WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* THEY’RE “JUST POPPING THEM”?! FOOLSSS!!!
December 15, 2025 at 12:25 AM
THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS HAS BEGUN!
EVEN NOW, OUR INFLATABLE SNOWMAN ASSASSIN BOTS HAVE BEEN THE SIGNAL TO WREAK HAVOC ON MAJOR CITIES UNTIL ONE BILLION EUROS ARE TRANSFERRED TO-
WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* THEY’RE “JUST POPPING THEM”?! FOOLSSS!!!
EVEN NOW, OUR INFLATABLE SNOWMAN ASSASSIN BOTS HAVE BEEN THE SIGNAL TO WREAK HAVOC ON MAJOR CITIES UNTIL ONE BILLION EUROS ARE TRANSFERRED TO-
WHAT DO YOU *MEAN* THEY’RE “JUST POPPING THEM”?! FOOLSSS!!!