Danyool
@danyool.bsky.social
I'm gonna make carrot fritters, which I reckon are essentially pancakes with added carrot. But please don't tell Jesus
February 17, 2026 at 8:00 PM
I'm gonna make carrot fritters, which I reckon are essentially pancakes with added carrot. But please don't tell Jesus
Some prick I used to work with just announced the birth of his daughter on LinkedIn with "First product of 2026 shipped!" Prick.
February 16, 2026 at 9:19 PM
Some prick I used to work with just announced the birth of his daughter on LinkedIn with "First product of 2026 shipped!" Prick.
Hey girl, are you a simulated phishing email sent by our security team? Because you're trying to scare me and your spelling is atrocious
February 16, 2026 at 6:20 PM
Hey girl, are you a simulated phishing email sent by our security team? Because you're trying to scare me and your spelling is atrocious
My hometown Enfield is in the news all too often these days, and not for fun stuff like poltergeists
February 15, 2026 at 10:27 PM
My hometown Enfield is in the news all too often these days, and not for fun stuff like poltergeists
Birding is my favourite way to socialise with strangers. Currently in a hide with a bunch of people all hoping to see a barn owl. Information is being exchanged with quiet voices.
I'm rooting for one guy, who's come here several times and never seen it.
I'm rooting for one guy, who's come here several times and never seen it.
February 14, 2026 at 4:10 PM
Birding is my favourite way to socialise with strangers. Currently in a hide with a bunch of people all hoping to see a barn owl. Information is being exchanged with quiet voices.
I'm rooting for one guy, who's come here several times and never seen it.
I'm rooting for one guy, who's come here several times and never seen it.
I've come to Cambridgeshire in the hope of seeing a barn owl.
February 14, 2026 at 2:46 PM
I've come to Cambridgeshire in the hope of seeing a barn owl.
weekend plans: wuthermaxxing my heights then slumping cortisol levels by low-key staregooning some boids
February 13, 2026 at 6:47 PM
weekend plans: wuthermaxxing my heights then slumping cortisol levels by low-key staregooning some boids
Cannelloni ready meal and roast potatoes for dinner. Fuck it.
February 11, 2026 at 9:09 PM
Cannelloni ready meal and roast potatoes for dinner. Fuck it.
It's cold outside
There's no kind of atmosphere
I'm all alone
More or less
There's no kind of atmosphere
I'm all alone
More or less
February 9, 2026 at 11:13 AM
It's cold outside
There's no kind of atmosphere
I'm all alone
More or less
There's no kind of atmosphere
I'm all alone
More or less
My mum was telling us about a friend hers. "Sue's got immaculate... erm..."
"Immaculate what?"
"Immaculate... you know. Of the eyes."
"Macular degeneration?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
"Immaculate what?"
"Immaculate... you know. Of the eyes."
"Macular degeneration?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
February 8, 2026 at 8:17 PM
My mum was telling us about a friend hers. "Sue's got immaculate... erm..."
"Immaculate what?"
"Immaculate... you know. Of the eyes."
"Macular degeneration?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
"Immaculate what?"
"Immaculate... you know. Of the eyes."
"Macular degeneration?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
Making glazed mini waffles and drinking vodka tonnyx like some sort of dangerously unregulated production line
February 7, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Making glazed mini waffles and drinking vodka tonnyx like some sort of dangerously unregulated production line
I'm in recovery after an enormous bowl of singapore noodles. Feeling better but not out of the woods yet
February 6, 2026 at 9:23 PM
I'm in recovery after an enormous bowl of singapore noodles. Feeling better but not out of the woods yet
Just donated to a colleague's fundraiser in the hope that they'll see my name pop up and it'll remind them that they haven't responded to my email
February 6, 2026 at 4:55 PM
Just donated to a colleague's fundraiser in the hope that they'll see my name pop up and it'll remind them that they haven't responded to my email
When Arthur is jonesing for scritches he'll sometimes stand on two legs so he can grab my hand. I've taken to calling him "Australopithecat" whenever he does this
Oh we do have a laugh here at Ripley Towers!
Oh we do have a laugh here at Ripley Towers!
February 5, 2026 at 2:35 PM
When Arthur is jonesing for scritches he'll sometimes stand on two legs so he can grab my hand. I've taken to calling him "Australopithecat" whenever he does this
Oh we do have a laugh here at Ripley Towers!
Oh we do have a laugh here at Ripley Towers!
My mate who's in a ukulele choir has given me one of his spare ukuleles. I'm holding it on the tube, opposite a man who's holding a terrarium he made in a terrarium workshop. London, eh? Bloody hell.
February 4, 2026 at 11:02 PM
My mate who's in a ukulele choir has given me one of his spare ukuleles. I'm holding it on the tube, opposite a man who's holding a terrarium he made in a terrarium workshop. London, eh? Bloody hell.
Every time I go round to see one of my mates, he texts me his address. I've gone there many times over many years. Might stop going if he doesn't pack it in.
February 4, 2026 at 6:11 PM
Every time I go round to see one of my mates, he texts me his address. I've gone there many times over many years. Might stop going if he doesn't pack it in.
I'm sitting at a desk normally used by a contact centre adviser, and she's got a note on her phone that says "Remember to log in and DO NOT STUTTER". Devastating. Heart's broken, lads. Kaput
February 4, 2026 at 10:38 AM
I'm sitting at a desk normally used by a contact centre adviser, and she's got a note on her phone that says "Remember to log in and DO NOT STUTTER". Devastating. Heart's broken, lads. Kaput
There's a nasty rumour going around that I'm in the Epstein files. This is completely false, and is a misunderstanding based on my appearance as "Steam Man" in the X-Files (Season 2 Episode 4: Mulder Meets the Steam Man)
February 3, 2026 at 5:46 PM
There's a nasty rumour going around that I'm in the Epstein files. This is completely false, and is a misunderstanding based on my appearance as "Steam Man" in the X-Files (Season 2 Episode 4: Mulder Meets the Steam Man)
Ate my dinner while standing in the kitchen again
February 2, 2026 at 9:04 PM
Ate my dinner while standing in the kitchen again
My favourite aspect of birding is staying in one spot until my mind and body slows down enough to match the rhythm of my surroundings, and then just noticing things.
Maybe the real treasure was not the birds I saw, but the micro-oscillations of the universe I tuned into along the way
Maybe the real treasure was not the birds I saw, but the micro-oscillations of the universe I tuned into along the way
February 1, 2026 at 8:54 PM
My favourite aspect of birding is staying in one spot until my mind and body slows down enough to match the rhythm of my surroundings, and then just noticing things.
Maybe the real treasure was not the birds I saw, but the micro-oscillations of the universe I tuned into along the way
Maybe the real treasure was not the birds I saw, but the micro-oscillations of the universe I tuned into along the way
People at the Greggs in Canary Wharf keep forming a single line when the space is designed for multiple lines, and I keep ignoring it and sensing the hateful looks as I get my breakfast.
I've been rehearsing my reply for if someone were to have a pop at me, which I'm sure will go perfectly fine.
I've been rehearsing my reply for if someone were to have a pop at me, which I'm sure will go perfectly fine.
February 1, 2026 at 11:57 AM
People at the Greggs in Canary Wharf keep forming a single line when the space is designed for multiple lines, and I keep ignoring it and sensing the hateful looks as I get my breakfast.
I've been rehearsing my reply for if someone were to have a pop at me, which I'm sure will go perfectly fine.
I've been rehearsing my reply for if someone were to have a pop at me, which I'm sure will go perfectly fine.
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor will have to rebrand again.
May I suggest, simply:
Andrew™
May I suggest, simply:
Andrew™
January 31, 2026 at 5:30 PM
Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor will have to rebrand again.
May I suggest, simply:
Andrew™
May I suggest, simply:
Andrew™
I've just bought a Casio watch that keeps accurate by calibrating itself to a time signal from an atomic clock which it receives via longwave radio!
Motherfucker will even adjust itself when the clocks go forward and back!
Trying to work out how to make it rustle me up a sandwich.
Motherfucker will even adjust itself when the clocks go forward and back!
Trying to work out how to make it rustle me up a sandwich.
January 31, 2026 at 5:08 PM
I've just bought a Casio watch that keeps accurate by calibrating itself to a time signal from an atomic clock which it receives via longwave radio!
Motherfucker will even adjust itself when the clocks go forward and back!
Trying to work out how to make it rustle me up a sandwich.
Motherfucker will even adjust itself when the clocks go forward and back!
Trying to work out how to make it rustle me up a sandwich.
Fenchurch wants scritches but doesn't want to get off the sofa, so she's thrashing about in frustration and yelling at me. I love her very much.
January 30, 2026 at 11:08 AM
Fenchurch wants scritches but doesn't want to get off the sofa, so she's thrashing about in frustration and yelling at me. I love her very much.