Dave Shumka
@daveshumka.bsky.social
1.8K followers 100 following 76 posts
I’m doing myself a disservice. He/Him. stoppodcastingyourself.com
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daveshumka.bsky.social
To celebrate the life of Diane Keaton I will be wearing pants for the next few months.
daveshumka.bsky.social
One thing I love about a 20-slide Instagram carousel is trying to guess where the fuck I am in the middle of it.
daveshumka.bsky.social
It’s so pathetic how my friends love the Sopranos cuz it’s like bro the Sopranos wouldn’t like you AT ALL.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Hot take: I don't think you should be allowed to use the self-checkout if you're a dumbshit.
Reposted by Dave Shumka
stoppodcasting.bsky.social
New in the bonus feed! Dave and Graham make the ultimate summer playlist.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Me: Fellate a minion? Yes please!
Snooty waiter: It’s pronounced filet mignon.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Don McLean: Drove my Chevy to the levee…
Me (grinning while concealing an enormous levee-drying device): Then what happened?
daveshumka.bsky.social
Just met my girlfriend’s dad for the first time. Considering bragging that I can milk anything with nipples. Hope he doesn’t get my ass on a technicality.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Now that we have a Chicago pope, Christmas is gonna have a lot more Dominic the Donkey.
daveshumka.bsky.social
If you’re posting a video, you better write “wait for it” on it. Otherwise I might think it’s bad the whole way through instead of mostly bad but good at the end.
daveshumka.bsky.social
We actually do deserve dogs.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Sometimes you hear a piece of music that makes you question whether you’re reelin in the years.
daveshumka.bsky.social
It’s called quiche because when I take a bite it goes squiche.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Fun fact: Tate McRae’s full name is Potato McRato.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Imagine if the pope's wife dropped this one week from now.
Reposted by Dave Shumka
dougpiker.bsky.social
I come here to share fantastic news! Retail Nightmares has returned for today!!! Thanks @aliciatobin.bsky.social @energyslime.bsky.social @jayarner.bsky.social and @grahamclark.bsky.social
daveshumka.bsky.social
Happy Carob Day to all the parents whose kids are mad at them right now.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Just keep rubbing your eyes together.
daveshumka.bsky.social
That’s certainly troubling news but I don’t recognize that guy as Weezer’s true bassist.
daveshumka.bsky.social
Why do people get so stressed about doing their taxes? Just wait for the government to text you and pay them $800 in iTunes gift cards.