Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Deli @delirost.com · Jul 2

When you were a kid and spent that whole summer day at a theme park/water park and tired yourself out so much that you could barely stay awake in the car ride home, then THAT sleep back in bed? Holyyyy >>>>>>>>

3 37

Deli @delirost.com · Jul 2

Every day is a race against the clock to shove as much things and productivity into your awake hours schedule before the demons from Ghost appear, dragging me unwillingly into a 4-5 hour slumber.

4 1 26

Deli @delirost.com · Jul 2

The part of your life where sleep feels like an earned rest and not wasted time must feel sooooooo good.

4 1 70

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 16

Thanks for all the kind words and everything, truly. Between driving and working nights, my brain's been wracked with wanting to draw, happy to get in what I've been able to. Writing letters to myself mentally, and tearing them up.

Dont worry, I got a new belt.

4 17 140

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

Thank you if you read all this, I'm sorry its taken so long. But appreciate your families, your loved ones, your found families, and the people you feel safe with month. Its gonna feel weird posting porn after this, but I've been working a bunch behind the scenes with a lot to post. Love you guys.

30 8 150

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

Its been such a weight that I felt the only way I could legitimize this hurt was by making art about it. I did. I wanted to explain all this in a comic or something, I still will someday, but the time is never right with my work schedule. I rather just be here and bare my chest.

1 30

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

Things have been easier since then. I dont know if its because he changed or I did, I still feel bad for what he did to me. I carried all this for months and had to pretend I was just going through normal nights and apologizing for slow art. My heads been fucked, the art I make certainly felt weird.

1 24

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

I wanted to yell at him, but he wasn't the guy I was angry at. I was angry at the man in the truck who knew exactly why he pissed me off. Who tried to kill both of us by driving off the road.

It was like I could see him clearly for the first time. Pathetic and ashamed, and a shell of that man.

1 21

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

I got other work. I prepped myself for him eventually confronting me to make amends. Id practice yelling at him while I did the dishes.

When the day came, he invited me over for lunch, pulled me aside, and gave me the apology equivalent of "I dont know what happened that night, I was too drunk."

1 23

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

I was scared to be a passenger in a car for months. My boyfriend would drive, my foot would try to slam through the floor of the car to brake. I didnt wanna leave the house. Escapism here didn't work. It all felt like I had a meteor coming right at me and I couldnt avoid it.

1 22

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

If anyone's familiar with the 12 steps, the last step is about making amends. So I knew my time would come eventually. I dreaded it. I hated him for it. I hated that he ruined a period of my life where I was finally experiencing some freedom and weightlessness from family baggage. Everything sucked.

1 29

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

After his rehab, he lost his license for a while. My free time became "he needs you to drive him around so he can eventually get his license back". Lawyer's appointments. Doctors. Anything. For months, just driving him around and nothing was mentioned about that night.

I was just on autopilot.

1 22

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

The cops were waiting back at my grandma's place. My sister panicked cuz I stopped responding, so she called them and they saw him pull in drunk. He was confrontational, but got away with it cuz he has a badge. They sent him to the hospital, no charges. He did rehab. My family was worried for him.

1 24

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

He apologized for everything I never brought up. All the issues I'd silently had with him. How he was a shit dad. And I was too shaken up and I didnt let him have that moment.

I said "You're being a SHIT DAD now." And that got him to turn around and go back home in drunken weepy defeat.

2 26

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

He hit garbage cans, swerved to hit cars and then would swerve away at the last second, reaching 60 in these tiny neighborhoods. He was crying, ignoring all my arguments and pleading, it was hell. He only stopped for one stop sign.

And at it, he had this small moment of reprieve from this episode.

1 23

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

I would try for the door and he'd yell at the top of his lungs

"WHAT? Dont think you're SAFE? Scared you're gonna die with me?"

And I was. I was terrified. Thinking of my boyfriend back at home who just assumed I left to go help my dramatic dad. I felt so sad thinking I'd not make it home to him.

2 25

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

It was as bad as I could have hoped, we were going 60 in residential areas. I was panicking, there was rarely a time where my dad wasn'y scary, even sober. And I felt like I'd just made the biggest mistake of my life trying to intervene and help him. I wanted to jump out of the truck but I couldnt.

1 25

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

The doors locked. He went silent, and I started to try to ask him what he was doing. Telling someone that drunk that they shouldn't drive, or to even communicate with me, felt impossible. He ignored me and grabbed my arm, keeping me in the truck, and the truck sped away with me and him in it.

1 22

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

He eventually let me in. I wanted to talk and comfort him, but he was in some other headspace. I could tell he was extremely drunk and tried to talk to him about anything to bring his spirits up or see if I could reach him. Instead he just reached for his keys and put them in the ignition.

1 24

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

He was drunk, locking himself in his truck in the driveway of my grandma's place. She wasn't home, and he wouldn't open his eyes when I knocked on the window. I yelled and tried to get in, which woke him up. He looked defeated, drunk, angry, and scary. He wasn't a warm dad growing up.

1 25

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

One day, me and my sister received a text from him that he was sorry for everything, telling us how much his life insurance would pay out when he was gone. My sister panicked and told me to go find him and talk to him. I was the only family member local to him at the time, so I rushed over.

1 28

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

(CW ahead for suicide mention)

As the CW states, my family, specifically my parents, went through their own rough patches with mental health. My mom attempted once a while back and that caused me to want to move back to dissaude her loneliness.

My dad had his own issues as well.

1 31

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

Apologies for my absences these last few months (weird of me to make this post on father's day)

I've kept a lot of my IRL issues private for many months out of fear for letting them affect me, and making it seem like they're a burden to other folks as well just didn't sit right.

6 2 120

Deli @delirost.com · Jun 15

Long thread incoming

7

Reposted by Deli

Mana! @manabanana.bsky.social · Jun 15

Also happy Father’s Day!

Sweet Deli Boy thinking about his beautiful handsome father

2 12 100