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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER

@denversweather.bsky.social

2.2K followers 600 following 420 posts

The foulest weather report this side of shittucky. Chaotic Good. Crude but not cruel. Fuck yes, Colorado. Fuck yes, Denver. #COwx #wxtwitter #deathmetal ☠☠☠☠☠☠

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Nov 16

YOOOOO IF I WAS FOLLOWING YOU ON THAT OLD SITE AND I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU NOW CAN YOU SAY HI IN THE REPLIES HERE?

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 17h

DENVER WE ARE THICK IN THE MIDDLE OF COLORADO'S AUTUMNAL MAJESTY! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH? CAN I GET FUCK YES? CAN I GET A MOTHERFUCKING PUMPKIN SPICED LATTE? HELL NO FUCK STARBUCKS.

LET'S SEE WHAT THE WEEKEND LOOKS LIKE:
FRI: 72°/56° PERFECT
SAT: 74°/57° PERFECT
SUN: 73°/43° PERFECT

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 5d

DENVER, THIS COLD FRONT BRINGS A TOUCH O’ FALL WITH IT, BUT THEN IT’S BACK TO THE LOW 80s, SOMEHOW. IT'S WEIRD, I DON'T MAKE THE RULES, GO COMPLAIN TO THE WEATHER GODS IF U DON'T LIKE IT.

YOUR FUCKIN WEATHER:
SUN: 66° EVENING RAIN
MON: 56° EVENING RAIN
TUE: 65°
WED: 77°
THU: 82°
FRI: 78°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 7d

DENVER NGL TODAY CAN SUCK MY SWEATY NUTSACK, I KNOW IT'S FRIDAY BUT MY NUTSACK IS SO SWEATY AND IT COULD USE SOME ATTENTION.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 87°, SWEATY
SAT: 81°/47° OOOH
SUN: 69°/46° CHECK OUT THOSE OVERNIGHT LOWS IN THE 40s

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 12d

DENVER, WHEN I SAID WE COULD KISS THOSE 80° HIGHS GOODBYE I WAS FUCKING WRONG. YES, IT IS FALL. BUT FALL IN NAME ONLY. SAD TO SAY THAT THE WEATHER GODS ARE ONCE AGAIN FUCKING WITH US.

YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 85°
MON: 80°
TUE: 82°
WED: 72° PERFECT
THU: 67° PERFECT
FRI: 73° YES

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 14d

DENVER GOD BLESS THIS WEEKEND SAY GOODBYE TO THE 80 DEGREE HIGHS WE MAY SEE ONE OR TWO MORE OF THESE LIL' FUCKS BUT FOR THE MOST PART THEY GONE.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 83°/53°
SAT: 80°/54°
SUN: 80°/53°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 19d

DENVER, APOLOGIES FOR THE LATENESS, BEEN ROLLING SPLIFFS FOR THE WEATHER GODS IN AN EFFORT TO GET THEM TO WALK BACK TUESDAY’S BULLSHITTERY.

YOUR FUCKING WEEK:
SUN: 82°
MON: 78° PM THUNDERSTORMS
TUE: 54° WTFFF LOWS IN THE 40s WTFFF SOMEONE ALERT MATT
WED: 72°
THU: 80°
FRI: 83° FEELS UNNECESSARY

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 21d

DENVER, THIS WEEKEND SUMMER DIES... BUT NOT WITHOUT A FIGHT. JUST REMEMBER, OUR 80-DEGREE DAYS ARE NUMBERED, SOON WE GET A JOYOUS COLORADO AUTUMN, AND JUST AROUND THE CORNER... I CAN HEAR IT CALL... "SWEATER.... WEATHER...."

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 81°
SAT: 81°
SUN: 82°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 26d

DENVER, THIS WEEK’S WEATHER IS MORE ALL OVER THE PLACE THAN YOUR LAST THREE EX’S. GOOD THING IT’S JUST SO GODDAMNED BEAUTIFUL HOLY SHITBALLS COLORADO I LOVE THIS FOR US.

YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 76° PERFECT
MON: 85°
TUE: 75° P.M. STORMS
WED: 66° A.M. RAIN
THU: 75° GORGEOUS
FRI: 79°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · 28d

DENVER KNOW WHAT? I'M NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN. THIS IS FUCKING FINE. SURE IT COULD BE BETTER, BUT WHY NOT BE HAPPY WITH WHAT WE HAVE.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 83° THUNDERSTORMS
SAT: 79° STORMS
SUN: 77°, PERFECT

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Sep 7

DEFINITELY EXPECTING MORE FROM SEPTEMBER DEFINITELY DON'T LIKE THIS VERY MUCH.

YOUR FUCKING WEATHER, DENVER:
SUN: 83°
MON: 87°
TUE: 86°
WED: 88°
THU: 87°
FRI: 81°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Sep 5

DENVER WOW I FUCKING LOVE THIS FOR US, THIS IS WHY WE COLORADO.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 71°
SAT: 83°
SUN: 83°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 31

SO NGL DENVER THIS IS NOT WHAT I’D HOPED FOR RIDING INTO SEPTEMBER BUT IT’S THE WEATHER THAT’S COMING AND WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO CLENCH OUR TEETH A LIL’ AND GET USED TO IT. NOT AWFUL, BUT NOT GREAT.

YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 82°
MON: 85°
TUE: 86°
WED: 85°
THU: 88°
FRI: 80°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 30

[snorts] jesus man

Reposted by DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER

So, here's the Thing... @digita1b0y.bsky.social · Aug 30

God, the Onion hit the Rockies last week with a different headline...lemme see if I can find it....Ah, here it is.

theonion.com/rockies-pitc...

Rockies Pitcher Pledges To Give Up Home Run For Sick Child

DENVER—In an effort to make sure the young leukemia patient’s night at Coors Field was a special one, Colorado Rockies pitcher Kyle Freeland pledged Saturday to give up a home run for a sick child, ba...

theonion.com

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 29

forgot to include the link but you know with onion stories sometimes all you need is the headline and in this case the subheadline but if you want more, more is here theonion.com/scalpers-jac...

Scalpers Jack Up Price Of Colorado Rockies Ticket To $11

DENVER—In what’s being decried as an outrageous case of price-gouging, scalpers have reportedly begun charging as much as $11 for Colorado Rockies tickets, forcing some baseball fans to pay an unreaso...

theonion.com

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 29

omg @theonion.com

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 29

DENVER WE ARE IN FOR A PERFECT-10, GLORIOUS MOTHERFUCKING LABOR DAY WEEKEND... ROLL THOSE SPLIFFS TIGHT KEEP THE CUPS FULL AND BE SURE TO TIP YOUR BARTENDER.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRIDAY: 81°, THUNDERSTORMS WHATEVS
SATURDAY: 76°, THUNDERSTORMS
SUNDAY: 81° BEAUTIFUL
MONDAY: 83°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 24

DENVER, SO YOU'RE TELLING ME WE HAVE A WEEK OF SEVENTY DEGREE TEMPERATURES? IN MOTHERFUCKING AUGUST? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS SUMMER. I MEAN I LOVE THIS, BUT

YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 77°
MON: 72° THUNDER ETC.
TUE: 76° STORMS & SHIT
WED: 78° YOU KNOW THE DRILL
THU: 77° THUNDER
FRI: 79°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 22

DENVER, SHIT'S ABOUT TO GET WET, WITH EVENING THUNDERSTORMS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE. THE WEATHER GODS MUST BE GETTING FEISTY.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 85° PM STORMS
SAT: 78° PM STORMS OTHERWISE BEAUTIFUL
SUN: 77° PM STORMS AND FREAKING GORGEOUS

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 17

actually i just got off the phone with the weather gods and they were all "shit we would have given you 70°s this week but Marcelo was really pissing us off" they wouldn't say why (I asked) but you know what you did dude

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 17

OH DENVER, WHAT HELL DOTH WAIT FOR US THIS WEEK? LET US LOOK:

SUN: 92° NOPE
MON: 90° NAW
TUE: 95° HELL NO
WED: 97° WTF
THU: 97° TF YOU SAY?
FRI: 85°, THUNDERSTORMS

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 15

DENVER, I HAVE SEEN THE SEVEN DAY FORECAST AND THIS IS AS GOOD AS IT GETS... ENJOY THIS SHIT NOW BECAUSE IT'S ABOUT TO GET WORSE, SOMEONE MUST HAVE FUCKED THE WEATHER GODS OVER RECENTLY BECAUSE UGH, YIKES, OUCH.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 95°
SAT: 89°
SUN: 92°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 10

DENVER, TODAY IS THE ONLY TRULY GOOD DAY, THE REST OF THIS WEEK IS A BIT HIGH ON THE HELLSCAPE CHART FOR MY LIKING, AND WEDNESDAY AND THURSDAY IN PARTICULAR CAN MUNCH TAINT.

YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 78° BEAUTFUL
MON: 85°
TUE: 90°
WED: 97° UGLY
THU: 97° UNFORGIVABLE
FRI: 93°

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 8

DENVER, HAVE I MENTIONED HOW GOOD YOU'RE LOOKING THESE DAYS? DEFINITELY HOT, POSSIBLY SCORCHING... KIND OF LIKE TODAY'S WEATHER. THE GOOD (?) NEWS IS LOOKS DON'T LAST AND NEITHER DO THESE TEMPS.

YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 98° HELL NOOOO
SAT: 88°
SUN: 77° HELL YEAH

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DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER @denversweather.bsky.social · Aug 3

Jeff.