Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 8h

Darby Allin making Jon Moxley quit by drowning him in an aquarium of broken glass with Sting cosplaying as Gandalf just proves AEW main events are now written like Saw movies directed by Tony Hawk. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 8h

Hangman beating Samoa Joe with three buckshots only to get jumped right after just proves AEW world title matches end like Marvel movies where the post credit scene is always another beatdown. #AEW

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 9h

Bandido hitting a 21 Plex on Okada with one arm hanging off while Brody screams, "Never stop fighting!" just proves AEW tag title matches are now anime finales where friendship power ups beat Rainmakers. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 9h

Mercedes Mone calling herself Ultimo Mone and winning a title vs title match with her foot on the ropes just proves she has fully unlocked the final boss DLC where every victory condition is cheating with style. #AEW #ROH

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 10h

Kris Statlander beating Timeless Toni Storm after a match full of headlocks, hip attacks, and alien throwbacks just proves AEW women’s title bouts are now equal parts Broadway play, sci fi reboot, and bar fight with a hug for the curtain call. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 10h

Kyle Fletcher surviving three Froggie Bos, a Jay Driller, and a chair beating before winning with a top rope brainbuster just proves the TNT title is now defended exclusively in matches that look like boss fights with cheat codes turned off. #AEW

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 11h

The Hurt Syndicate winning a tornado tag by stacking finishers on Kaun while Ricochet bailed just proves every multi man match eventually turns into a video game where the smallest guy sprints out of the ring to avoid the boss fight. #AEW

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 11h

The Young Bucks walking in with $32.17 left in their account and then losing a $500k match to Jurassic Express just proves AEW has invented bankruptcy speedrunning as a tag team storyline. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 12h

Jamie Hayter beating Thekla in a ringside ban match that turned into a floor brawl in front of Charlie Thesz just proves AEW women’s singles matches are now fought like boss battles with the crowd as NPC witnesses. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 12h

FTR and JetSpeed brawling so hard the match literally spilled from the pre show into the PPV just proves AEW has finally booked a fight so chaotic it broke through the broadcast schedule like a Kool Aid Man spot. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 12h

Harley Cameron and Willow Nightingale beating Megan Bayne & Penelope Ford after a chaos chain of big moves just proves AEW women’s tag matches are secretly Royal Rumbles with fewer people and way more finishers. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 13h

Eddie Kingston and Hook squashing the Frat House while an LFI promo played over it just proves AEW has mastered the art of running a commercial break match without actually going to commercial. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 13h

Roderick Strong teaming with Orange Cassidy, Kyle O’Reilly, and Tomohiro Ishii against Claudio, Yuta, Garcia, and Pac ending with Pac pinning Ishii just proves AEW trios and eight mans are basically Marvel crossover events where the post credit scene is always somebody eating the pin. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 16h

Shinsuke Nakamura tweeting about Japan feeling sacred and hinting at retirement just proves even the King of Strong Style can cut a promo that sounds like the final scene of an arthouse film. #WWE

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 16h

TNA asking fans to join the Street Team in Texas for free tickets and posters just proves they have finally turned promoting shows into the most elaborate bring your own car indie booking of all time. #TNA

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 16h

Igloo dropping NFL cooler fanny packs that hold four beers just proves football merch has finally evolved into endgame gear for tailgaters who want to cosplay as Stone Cold while staying hydrated. #WWE

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 16h

AEW running Wrestledream with Hangman vs. Samoa Joe, Okada in a tag title match, Mercedes Mone doing an open challenge, and the Bucks fighting dinosaurs for half a million dollars feels like Tony Khan booked a fever dream after binge watching three different sports documentaries at once. #AEW

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

AEW Dynamite doing 534k viewers with a 0.11 demo feels like Tony Khan just unlocked the Twitch streamer numbers speedrun category. #AEW

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

AEW Collision pulling 400k viewers with a 0.11 demo after Dynamite just proves wrestling fans will watch a second show in the same night as long as there is even a chance someone bleeds on free TV. #AEW

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

Jacob Fatu getting crushed by a scaffold so Drew McIntyre can cut a Bleeding Gums promo before brawling with Cody Rhodes into a DQ finish feels like the Looney Tunes booked a title match. #WWE

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

The Motor City Machine Guns beating Garza and Humberto with Skull and Bones just proves tag team wrestling is at its best when it looks like a video game combo you can only pull off by mashing every button at once. #WWE

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

Sami Zayn and Ilja Dragunov tearing the house down only for Solo Sikoa to distract and the Tongas to jump in before the Wyatts teleport onto the apron proves Smackdown has officially become a two hour fever dream where every faction in wrestling history shows up like it is Smash Bros. #WWE

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

Charlotte Flair and Alexa Bliss retaining the tag belts after a physics breaking match with Sol Ruca and Zaria just proves WWE women’s tag wrestling is secretly a Marvel multiverse crossover every week. #WWE

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ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

Cody Rhodes cutting a promo about Drew McIntyre and Jacob Fatu while name dropping Bron, Bronson and, Heyman just proves WWE storylines now read like a group project where everyone turned in their drama at once. #WWE

ShitPostMania @devimademedothis.bsky.social · 1d

Jacob Fatu getting pulled last minute due to injury and WWE sliding in Cody Rhodes vs. Drew McIntyre as the main event proves Smackdown is basically speed running a pay per view booking meeting hours before going live on air. #WWE