Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 7h

This is my dance about how much transphobes suck.

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 7h

Richards and his brood have stolen Friday, it seems.
#FantasticFriday? A weekly ritual glorifying Richards and his insufferable trio of tagalongs? Bah!
Very well. Doom will take the rest of the week with starting with #MonarchMonday. By Sunday, all hashtags shall kneel.

Spidey Ramone 🎃💀 @spideyramone.bsky.social · 7h

#FantasticFriday

6

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 14h

Doom requires slogans because mere mortals respond not to reason but to rhythm.
The words must strike like lightning, must be simple enough for the masses, and potent enough to echo through eternity.

1 3

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 14h

Doom has engaged a marketing team to promote his new franchise.

1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 1d

DoomMart shall commemorate each of Doom's victories with rollback pricing.
Enjoy 25% off all purchases to celebrate the Fantastic Four's latest humiliation.
My "Latverian Victory Blend Coffee" is now half price to honor my triumph over fatigue.
Every markdown will tell a story of domination.

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 2d

Yes! If Doom must endure living beside a Walmart, he will remake it as DoomMart.
No squeaky carts. Only smooth-rolling chrome chariots.
No chaotic aisles. Only rows of perfect symmetry.
The grand opening ribbon will be cut by a plasma-edged blade.

1 4

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 2d

Yes! If Doom must endure living beside a Walmart, he will remake it as DoomMart.
No squeaky carts. Only smooth-rolling chrome chariots.
No chaotic aisles. Only rows of perfect symmetry.
The grand opening ribbon will be cut by a plasma-edged blade.

1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 3d

An odd craving strikes Doom. Tater tots!
Golden and crisp. A humble food that refuses to bow to time or trend.
Doom enjoys their uniform perfection.
They are a fitting snack to plot conquest… or to tempt a certain feline thief who cannot resist a crunchy prize.

1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 3d

Doom rages at Walmart's kingdom of plastic excess.
It is an empire of disposable trinkets and snacks that promise flavor but deliver only regret.
Doom demands craftsmanship and precision, but those qualities have long been exiled from this fluorescent wasteland.

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 4d

Doom's month-long retreat from Castle Doom during its renovations was meant to be a strategic reflection, yet I now dwell beside a Walmart.
This is vexing.
The fluorescent glare leaks through the curtains at night. It is harsh and unrelenting.
Even Doom's dreams of dominion feel rolled back.

1 5

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 4d

Doom's month-long retreat from Castle Doom during its renovations was meant to be a strategic reflection, yet I now dwell beside a Walmart.
This is vexing.
The fluorescent glare leaks through the curtains at night. It is harsh and unrelenting.
Even Doom's dreams of dominion feel rolled back.

1 5

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 9d

You have a handful of quiet days too, thief. Doom calls this charity.
Next week, our cat-and-mouse game begins anew.
Bah! Doom just realized what that implies.
Doom will not be reduced to a squeaking morsel.
Strike that metaphor from the record!

a cat and a mouse are looking at each other in a tom and jerry cartoon .

ALT: a cat and a mouse are looking at each other in a tom and jerry cartoon .

media.tenor.com

1 3

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 9d

Even the indomitable Castle Doom requires refinement.
Thus Doom announces that urgent restorations are underway.
I shall return in five days' time.
Richards should spend these fleeting days wisely… or waste them spectacularly, as is his custom.

1 1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 13d

You think the Pokémon named Ekans was bad?
Do not get Doom started on Koffing.
This floating gas sphere is named for… coughing?
Doom demands imagination; instead I find allergies.

3

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 14d

Doom has no use for the timid chorus of flattery.
A dominant woman dares to meet his gaze, and to challenge his decrees.
This courage tempers Doom's own edge because steel sharpens steel.
Even a monarch benefits from some resistance.

2

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 14d

The insult does not end there!
The crustacean named Krabby deserves more than an uninspired adjective for its moniker.
Doom expected a named worthy of a leviathan of the deep, and not a seafood platter with spelling issues.

1 4

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 14d

Spare Doom from beginning a tirade about Seel.
A seal named… Seel.
Inspired genius? No.
It is as if they gazed upon the beast and gave up halfway through naming it. Doom expected myth, not phonetics.

1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 14d

Doom once thought the Pokémon world a testament to inspired creation. Then Doom discovered Ekans.
Its name is merely snake spelled backwards.
This is not clever wordcraft. This is linguistic sloth!
To name a creature with such lethargy is beneath even Richards on his laziest day.

a picture of a purple and yellow snake with the words musashi @ tumblr written below it

ALT: a picture of a purple and yellow snake with the words musashi @ tumblr written below it

media.tenor.com

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 15d

Emma Frost just read your mind! 🧠

Using one video on your phone what does she see when she's in there? 🤔

2

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 15d

Congratulations! Passing a test under duress reveals character.
As for your employer, Doom has seen monarchs with such sour dispositions. Men who confuse power with petulance.
If they demand respect without merit, let their empires fall while yours rises. Doom tolerates no festering irritants!

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 15d

When Kimmel was struck down, the audience multiplied upon his return.
Doom himself has suffered such moments when his banners were burned and his statues toppled.
Latveria always stands and Doom always rises.
It is inevitable as the night follows day, and as thunder follows lightning.

2

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 16d

Doom's annals are filled with many victories of empires toppled, rivals crushed, and wonders created.
Yet one victory eclipses them all. Impressing you!

1 1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 16d

In Latveria, emotions are conveyed through decree and action.
Yet here is Doom still learning to properly wield these tiny quadratic images.

1 1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 16d

In American cartoons, a mouse will chase cheese.
In anime, the cheese is an ancient relic forged by gods, guarded by destiny, and infused with unbearable sorrow.
Doom respects the scale, but must ask if every sandwich should be this tragic?

a cartoon of a person laying on a pile of pizza with slices flying around

ALT: a cartoon of a person laying on a pile of pizza with slices flying around

media.tenor.com

2 2

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 16d

Bake? You dare suggest that Doom, monarch of Latveria, dons an apron?
But you speak truth! A monarch's duty is not merely to rule, but to elevate.
Doom will rescue the humble banana from ignominy, and forge it into a bread worthy of my table.

1

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 16d

Bananas are treacherous yellow cowards!
Doom purchased a bunch to last the whole week, yet by the third day they lie in disgrace, and are now brown and limp.
A banana should bend to Doom's will and not rot in defiance.

1 2

Doctor Victor von Doom @doctorvicvondoom.bsky.social · 17d

Nike boasts "Just Do It". Converse peddles in nostalgia.
Yet not one has the vision to craft a hi-top sneaker of steel that mirrors Doom's majesty.
Doom will not jog in mediocrity. Doom requires footwear worthy of conquest and the court.

1 4