@rickyftw.bsky.social @eliotetc.bsky.social

And I was trying my best, and that's the thing I tell the mirror
I was in love with the thought that we were in love with each other

I feel so tired

Way to feel like I’m not drowning because I cannot breathe

Having to erase all my emotions as a kid for a way to cope, now makes adulting hard when I need those feelings.

That feeling of being in a room full of people and feeling so alone

Part6
I still miss my grandmothers, I wish they could see me now and see how i’ve grown and wanted a change. I am sad that my brother is gone, but the Dustin i knew died years ago.

Part5
Dustin was my best friend when we were kids, we grew and went our own ways, but dustin didn’t grow, i wanted better for myself and my kids while he was content staying they same as things were when he dropped out of school.

Part4
Nana Goode passed away in April of 2011 and I haven’t grieved yet. Nana Mac passed away November of 2022 and I haven’t grieved yet and now my brother March of 2024. My grandmother’s were my heros, they are the strongest humans i know.

Part3

My needs did not matter. Now, as an adult i struggle with those feelings because they are foreign to me and i dont know how to express them. I dont know if im sad or if im that numb.

Part 2
Over the next couple of days we got confirmation from the coroner, that Dustin passed
I haven’t talked about this because I don’t know how. I grew up having to hide and kill my feelings and emotions. Those weren’t needed when all that mattered was that my brother and sister were taken care of

Last March I got a message out of the blue asking if I was Dustin’s brother. It came from a kid that was friends with my brother when we were kids. He tells me Dustin passed away. I thought it must of been a joke, me now on a lunch break, mind racing a mile a minute.

@rickyftw.bsky.social @eliotetc.bsky.social