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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 16h

I gathered all the kids in the campground for impromptu trick or treating and have been made an enemy of so many parents.

Too bad. Good luck getting past my army of tiny terrors who would die for me(or anyone else with candy)

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 6d

Yogi's wife asked him if he wanted to be buried in New Jersey or his childhood home of St. Louis he answered "I dunno. Surprise me"

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 7d

They submerge themselves in terminally online paranoia because its how they justify the rage that sustains them.

The second they think they might not win we're going to start seeing them succumb to the boogeyman they invented to scare each other

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 7d

Once the steroids and adrenaline wear off and they suddenly realize they might face consequences one day a LOT of ICE/militia guys will convince each other to kill themselves before "the mob" can get them

The sad thing is a lot of them will take their families out with them

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 13d

Foreman won't admit he's deaf. He vanished so we called him just as he was walking back in. He made up a whole fake conversation unaware he was talking to us as he was looking at us

Unreal

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 14d

My bio-mom has a travel puzzle board in her car.

Can you imagine being stuck in traffic, looking over to the car in the next lane and there's a lady casually doing a jigsaw puzzle? I would immediately sell my car

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Reposted by Drakyn this corpse all over town

Clever Mia @readvesna.com · 15d

greta ily what an outfit

38 2.1K 12K

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 15d

I get to go camping next week with my kid, the in-laws, and my bio-fam. I am vibrating out of my skin with excitement

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 15d

I know one way to find out, and that's asking a Lot

The Ass is the father of the legs @internethippo.bsky.social · Nov 26

Post: Damn, salt really does make everything better 😂

Reply: Really. What about the death of a loved one

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 15d

Really sucks living in a prequel

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 15d

Amy Winehouse's Valerie is my go-to

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 15d

Did you hear donald trump died? No? Damn.... I'll check again tomorrow

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 16d

Some portion of the honey's volume naturally evaporates as it matures. This is known as "the bumbles' share"

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 22d

She is VERY concerned about the cuts on his face

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 22d

New dad friend told me his kid LOVES Edward Scissorhands and I was just "That can't be good for 3 year olds" but we're halfway through and talking about kindness and how "nice-acting" people can be mean and I do not think she's noticed he has freaking knives for hands

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 23d

I think this is the same one

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 23d

I picked up a Beanie Baby Investment Guide at a yard sale and it's the funniest fucking thing

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 23d

My 3 y.o. is in the same boat. I'm trying to find a good book about dreams for her but no luck yet and I have to be up at 4 every morning

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 24d

The Trenton area fucking LOVES putting up cool and crazy statues in our front yards(thank you Seward Johnson) and none of us want to ever move again so let's have fun with our houses

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 24d

I forgot that my friends now have grown-up money without ever having grown up and I might have led one of them into buying a life-size dinosaur statue

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 24d

My best friend used to work at TJ's and when people'd ask if the store-brand bleach was any good he'd deadpan "Honestly, it tastes pretty terrible. Not sure why we sell it"

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 25d

Anything by Jasper Fforde but I particularly loved The Constant Rabbit. He drops you into these bizarre worlds and the narrator talks to you like you're a native.

He's really good at having you pick things up naturally through context clues like "wait, did humans evolve different here"

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 25d

Does no one else think this is a joke? Like I read this in "news anchor shuffling papers between segments" voice and thought it was intentionally funny

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Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 28d

See, this is why statistics are great

Drakyn this corpse all over town @drakyn.bsky.social · 28d

My daughter's bestie's dad and I took them to the water park last month and were screaming "TWINS TWINS TWINS" the entire time

Bestie mom: Aww did everyone think you were gay dads?

Bestie Dad: Well I think we make a cute couple

Me: Aww, you think we're cute?

tiny demons: CUTE CUTE CUTE

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