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Frasier D&D

@frasierdnd.bsky.social

3.2K followers 11 following 170 posts

Tell me how you want to do this. I’m listening. (Creator: @bencompetence.bsky.social) (Professional GM: https://startplaying.games/gm/bencompetence)

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Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “The orcs raise their axes high and demand blood.”
NILES: “… I tell them I’m not here.”

FRASIER: “I’m sorry?”

NILES: “I argue that, philosophically, they cannot trust their own senses about me.“

FRASIER: “It’s a bit bold to place Descartes before the orcs, Niles.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · 11h

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN: “Oh! I’m in a Dungeons & Dragons group, too. But we’re doing an official, prewritten adventure.”

[FRASIER SCOFFS]

FRASIER: “Prewritten! The storyteller’s crutch.”

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN: “I’m the storyteller.”

FRASIER: “… And what is a crutch if not a timeless and wonderful invention?”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Mar 8

NILES: “-and with that, I swing down and cleave the brigand’s skull!”

[NILES ROLLS THE DIE]

[SILENCE AS THE GROUP LEANS IN AND LOOKS AT THE RESULT]

[NILES SITS]

FRASIER: “Perhaps we should pivot to making our attack descriptions after the roll instead of before.”

NILES: “If you wouldn’t mind.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 28

FRASIER: “Niles, get ahold of yourself, man! Your competitiveness is out of control; try to remember we are playing a game for-“

[NILES STANDS AND LOOSENS HIS TIE]

NILES: “- for fun! I know that! I am having fun. In fact, I’m having more fun than any of you, so there, I win! Ha!”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 28

[EDDIE STARES AT FRASIER, UNFLINCHING]

FRASIER: “Keep that up, and I’ll have something in store for the goblin shopkeep, as well.”

[EDDIE SCAMPERS OUT OF THE ROOM]

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 28

FRASIER: “Dad, can you please get Eddie to get stop staring at me? It really is a bit much.”

MARTIN: “He’s not staring; he’s glaring.”

FRASIER: “Oh, what’s the difference?”

MARTIN: “One happens when he finds you interesting. The other happens when you kill off his favorite NPC on game night.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 19

ROZ: “Niles, I’m not wasting one of my only spells! You’re fine.”

NILES: “If you don’t help me out, I’m going to tell that man you’re seeing that you weren’t at yoga class tonight; you were playing Dungeons & Dragons.”

ROZ: “You wouldn’t dare!”

NILES: “I’ll show him your character’s backstory!”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “The orcs raise their axes high and demand blood.”
NILES: “… I tell them I’m not here.”

FRASIER: “I’m sorry?”

NILES: “I argue that, philosophically, they cannot trust their own senses about me.“

FRASIER: “It’s a bit bold to place Descartes before the orcs, Niles.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

ROZ: “What about my character’s backstory, Fraz? Did you get a chance to look it over?”

FRASIER: “Oh, yes. I’m quite familiar with Lady Chatterly’s Warlock Patron. Tell me, Roz, at what point did you forget for which genre of fantasy you were writing?”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

MARTIN: “Now, are we finished with the essay portion of family game night?”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

MARTIN: “All right, if I have to have a backstory, here. You happy?”

[HE HANDS THE PAPER TO FRASIER]

FRASIER: “Once upon a time, Harold’s friend asked Harold if he wanted to go adventuring for gold. Harold looked at his bank statement and said ‘Sure’. Also, his family is dead.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “Honestly, Niles! Why must you needle at every aspect of my story? It’s role play! Make believe! Or are you so devoid of whimsy that you’ve forgotten the concept?”

NILES: “Oh, I know what make believe is. It’s when your radio callers refer to you as a psychiatrist!”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “I’m so glad you joined us again, Niles. After the loss of Graknokur, I thought you’d take a break.”

NILES: “While it stung at first, I am back with more character than ever. Take a look!”

[HE HANDS FRASIER A PAPER]

FRASIER: “… Gräknokur?”

NILES: “Note the umlaut.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “Isn’t this exciting, dad? You’ve mastered the basics, earned some victories, and now leveling up allows you access to fresh possibilities!”

MARTIN: “You know, it takes a special kind of person to think that the reward for learning rules is having to learn more rules.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

[As an experimental approach, please enjoy this long form moment]

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

MARTIN: “Why the hell’d you shoot the guard? You said you were going to use your charisma!”

ROZ: “My spells are fueled by my charisma score!”

MARTIN: “You couldn’t use it for a trick or something!?”

ROZ: “I did! I used it to trick you into letting me kill him!”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “Shall we begin?”

ROZ: “One sec.”

[ROZ ROLLS DIFFERENT DICE, ONE AT A TIME]

ROZ: “Nope. Nuh-uh. No way. Oh! Now that’s what mama likes! Ready.”

FRASIER: ”You’re quite mad, aren’t you?”

DAPHNE: “I’ll say. All that work and she chooses the die with the worst aura.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

[NILES WAVES THE PAPER ANGRILY]

NILES: "The only reason we're losing this fight is that you wrote a page of new minotaur abilities!"

FRASIER: "I knew it! I knew you peeked at my notes between sessions."

NILES: "As if I needed to! I can recognize your bull sheet a mile away!"

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

NILES: “All I’m asking is one session as my homebrew class.”

FRASIER: “Niles, this so-called Analyst concept isn’t even cohesive. Why would a student of psychology know counterattacks and spells like Wall of Force?”

NILES: “Because he understands deflection and projection.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

NILES: “Legendary Actions!? This game is unbelievable. Your villain gets to act however he pleases, yet you have the gall to make me sit and wait my turn before I can even begin to unleash my Rage.”

MARTIN: “Doesn’t look like that stopped you from getting a head start.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

[NILES OPENS THE GIFT BOX]

NILES: “New dice for our games! Thank you, Frasier. You know, I’m not prone to superstition, but one can’t help but hope these are luckier than the last-“

[NILES ROLLS THE DICE AND STARES AT THEM]

NILES: “Ah, well. There’s always next year.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

ROZ: "And what's wrong with playing a Warlock?"

NILES: "It's just a tad self-deprecating. Choosing to be subservient to the one who gave you power is-"

[NILES' PAGER BEEPS. HE CHECKS IT]

NILES: "Frasier, may I use your phone? Maris needs me to argue with our gardener, Yoshi."

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “Oh, just a peek. I’ve long wished for dad to be this excited about one of our hobbies.”

[HE OPENS THE DELIVERY. THE ARTWORK IS UNMISTAKABLY MARTIN, SHIRTLESS, WITH FLOWING HAIR, HOLDING A SWORD]

NILES: “On the bright side, your monkey’s paw has two more uses left.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

(Caller is played by Ginny Di)

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

FRASIER: “I’ll remind everyone that this is a show about psychiatry, not games… On to our next call. Hello! You’re on the air with Frasier Crane.”

CALLER: “Hi, Doctor Crane. It’s about my boss.”

FRASIER: “Yes! Good! And what’s your boss’s name?”

CALLER: “Alari Blooddrinker.”

Frasier D&D @frasierdnd.bsky.social · Nov 7

[END CREDITS MUSIC PLAYS]

[FRASIER LIFTS UP PAPERS ON THE TABLE, SEARCHING UNDER THEM IN FRUSTRATION]

[HE STOPS AND VIEWS THE WHOLE ROOM, BEWILDERED]

[HE KNEELS AND LOOKS UNDERNEATH THE TABLE]

[HE STANDS AND EXITS]

[CAMERA PANS TO EDDIE, HAPPILY HOLDING THE DIE IN HIS MOUTH]