Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 8h

I’ve been to many dreadful places, some a lot more dangerous, but Wakefield is the only place I’ve seen somebody openly taking a crap in the street.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 1d

For once something good happened in my city!

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 1d

Upgrading my best celebrity encounter from “looked in the back of Keith Harris’ car to see a box maybe containing Orville” to “regularly park my car directly overlooking the prison where Ian Watkins got stabbed”.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 2d

With it being a rare opportunity to visit a dentist, I’m going to ask them how much for a gold tooth. Got one missing on the top row, you can only see it if I smile widely. Always wanted a gold tooth to replace it, it’s just in the right place where it’ll make me seem like a sketchy villain.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 2d

They’ve got thousands of slugs, they’re just burnt.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 2d

Probably having a wisdom tooth out on the NHS, though knowing the state of NHS dentistry it’ll probably be scheduled for a date by which they’ll need to exhume my rotted corpse to pluck it out.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 2d

We regret to inform you that Batley Slug Museum has burned down, but please note that Batley Slug Museum remains open to customers in this difficult period and thank you for your continued support.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 3d

Or you could even just get into some other stuff. Go in HMV and look at the Blu-rays, I’m sure you’ll find something. It doesn’t even need to have wizards in, there’s so much out there nowadays. Why sit around watching reheated leftovers? There’s things you have never even touched out there!

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 3d

Can you not find another franchise? Check out Gruesome and Bloodsocks, it’s about a vampire who is allergic to blood. There’s three books I think. As far as I remember they were good, but I can’t remember for sure because I didn’t let my adult life be dictated by some books I read when I was seven.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 3d

Trans people will lose their human rights because dipshits can’t wean themselves off it. “It was my childhood”, yeah mine was watching The Big Bus (1976) on VHS and I somehow manage to cope with the fact I can’t watch a reboot of it surrounded by Ned Beatty figurines and Stockard Channing cushions.

Jess O'Thomson @jessothomson.co.uk · 3d

It cannot be made clearer.

If you continue to support the Harry Potter franchise in any way, you are directly funding the removal of trans people's human rights in the UK.

JK Rowling pledges to keep up fight against SNP trans policies

Author vows to bankroll campaigners after Scottish government fails to pay group's legal fees in Supreme Court equality case

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 3d

Look at this bullshit.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 4d

Without any announcement whatsoever, my work have abandoned phones and moved to a system that works over Teams with mandatory headsets that I can barely hear over due to hyperacusis or whatever it is I’ve got, so now I just can’t hear people and they get frustrated. Too bad for them.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 7d

I thought the solution was for the milkshake machine to be broken.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 7d

Making counterfeit versions of those shelf-stable sandwiches sold in Thai 7-Eleven.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 8d

This is on sale for about £4 on the Switch, look at all his little outfits.

Hirst’s BleedingCart @bleedingcart.bsky.social · Sep 4

Several months into Switch ownership and one of my most played games is inexplicably the trial version of a port of a mobile running game based around Shinchan. It rules, look at all his little outfits.

Screenshot of Crayon Shinchan The Storm Called! Flaming Kasukabe Runner!!

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 14d

The best burger is in a tin with gravy.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 14d

Benzocaine is really cool and nice and I wish I’d been putting in my mouth a long time ago.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 15d

What I’d like is for a politician to one day ask me what I actually want and then I’d just beg for an investment in NHS dentistry because I haven’t had a dentist for about 15 years and I am very sick of washing my mouth out with salt water and taking painkillers and hoping it sorts itself out.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 15d

You eventually find it and the first thing you see is a handwritten sign saying “applications can’t be processed without NHS number” which can’t be obtained online for some reason and you have to ring somebody but then the office shuts so you just think “fuck this” and go work in a hand car wash.

Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 15d

Then it’ll be this bullshit that I have to show my employer once and forget until 3 years later where I need it for a flu jab or something, but it won’t work and I have to reset it but it’s broke, need to re-apply but Ken retired and now it’s done out of a Portakabin at Thorpe Arch Trading Estate.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 15d

Can guarantee that with me it’ll be something like “Sorry, you can’t do this for some reason. Please visit this specific Post Office branch that only opens Mon-Fri and closes at 3pm, but when you go down there everybody looks at you blankly because Ken handles these and he’s not in”.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 15d

For years I had problems with DVLA-related services and couldn’t do most things online, it would return an error message and I’d have to ring them. It was something to do with the dataset the DVLA had not matching the legacy data. Nobody knew how to sort it, for 5 years. I complained about 20 times.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 15d

The problem is that it’ll be farmed out to the lowest bidder and it’ll just be another system that doesn’t work. Most illegal work is cash-in-hand and they’ve made clear it won’t be carried so I can’t see how it stops anyone picking up a sponge, standing behind a shop counter or driving a van.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 16d

I support digital ID because they say you’ll require it to work and I really don’t want to work so I will just not get one. No more work, no more problems.

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Hirst 𝟜𝕎𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔 @garagehirst.bsky.social · 17d

@blacktopmagazine.bsky.social Get me on the Email hirstd on the Gmail I can give all the good details, can’t get in messenger

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