The Halfway Post
@halfwaypost.bsky.social
Dadaist graffiti news. Halfway true comedy and satire for your doomscrolling by Dash MacIntyre. I don't report the facts, I improve them.
Check out my Substack: https://substack.com/@thehalfwaycafe
Check out my Substack: https://substack.com/@thehalfwaycafe
BREAKING: A Trump staffer accidentally described Trump's stench on a hot mic: “The Diet Coke makes his breath terrible, the makeup on his purple hands smells weird, his manboob sweat soaks into his suits, his swollen cankles reek of death, and it all mixes with his hairspray."
January 28, 2026 at 12:31 AM
BREAKING: A Trump staffer accidentally described Trump's stench on a hot mic: “The Diet Coke makes his breath terrible, the makeup on his purple hands smells weird, his manboob sweat soaks into his suits, his swollen cankles reek of death, and it all mixes with his hairspray."
BREAKING: A 99-year-old WW2 veteran got off with just a warning from a police officer today after he threw a dozen eggs at ICE agents yelling at them, "The Nazis in Normandy weren't wearing masks you cowards!"
January 27, 2026 at 11:25 PM
BREAKING: A 99-year-old WW2 veteran got off with just a warning from a police officer today after he threw a dozen eggs at ICE agents yelling at them, "The Nazis in Normandy weren't wearing masks you cowards!"
BREAKING: Alcoholics Anonymous just announced that drinking on the day Trump finally strokes out won't count against anyone's sobriety.
January 27, 2026 at 9:54 PM
BREAKING: Alcoholics Anonymous just announced that drinking on the day Trump finally strokes out won't count against anyone's sobriety.
BREAKING: A 99-year-old WW2 veteran in Minneapolis reportedly put an ICE agent in a chokehold today shouting at him, "I wasn't afraid of Nazis in France, and I'm not afraid of them in Minnesota either!"
January 27, 2026 at 8:46 PM
BREAKING: A 99-year-old WW2 veteran in Minneapolis reportedly put an ICE agent in a chokehold today shouting at him, "I wasn't afraid of Nazis in France, and I'm not afraid of them in Minnesota either!"
BREAKING: ICE protesters reportedly keep calling Child Protective Services on Greg Bovino filing reports that a child is living alone in his house.
January 27, 2026 at 7:52 PM
BREAKING: ICE protesters reportedly keep calling Child Protective Services on Greg Bovino filing reports that a child is living alone in his house.
BREAKING: The CEO of an erectile dysfunction medication is reportedly sharing his customer data with ICE so the agency can find new candidates to recruit.
January 27, 2026 at 4:41 PM
BREAKING: The CEO of an erectile dysfunction medication is reportedly sharing his customer data with ICE so the agency can find new candidates to recruit.
BREAKING: Gang members in Los Angeles still cooperating under a truce to protect LA from ICE are reportedly planning a "field trip" together to go "say hi" to Greg Bovino, who just returned to his home in Centro, CA.
January 27, 2026 at 3:44 PM
BREAKING: Gang members in Los Angeles still cooperating under a truce to protect LA from ICE are reportedly planning a "field trip" together to go "say hi" to Greg Bovino, who just returned to his home in Centro, CA.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is beginning to suspect that most Americans are disgusted by Stephen Miller.
January 27, 2026 at 2:20 PM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is beginning to suspect that most Americans are disgusted by Stephen Miller.
BREAKING: Greg Bovino is reportedly distraught that Donald Trump would throw him under the bus and blame him for carrying out the policies Trump himself demanded.
January 27, 2026 at 5:44 AM
BREAKING: Greg Bovino is reportedly distraught that Donald Trump would throw him under the bus and blame him for carrying out the policies Trump himself demanded.
BREAKING: A Minneapolis tattoo artist says he has no regrets after an ICE agent came into his studio asking for a "Punisher" skull tattoo and the artist instead tattooed a giant swastika on him.
January 27, 2026 at 4:08 AM
BREAKING: A Minneapolis tattoo artist says he has no regrets after an ICE agent came into his studio asking for a "Punisher" skull tattoo and the artist instead tattooed a giant swastika on him.
BREAKING: A group of masked men who refused to identify themselves just abducted Greg Bovino.
January 27, 2026 at 2:02 AM
BREAKING: A group of masked men who refused to identify themselves just abducted Greg Bovino.
BREAKING: Several Minneapolis protesters say they gave themselves warrants to travel to Greg Bovino's house, break down his door, detain him for several days, refuse to let him call a lawyer, give him moldy food, sell his cell phone for cash, and shoot him if he doesn't comply.
January 27, 2026 at 12:48 AM
BREAKING: Several Minneapolis protesters say they gave themselves warrants to travel to Greg Bovino's house, break down his door, detain him for several days, refuse to let him call a lawyer, give him moldy food, sell his cell phone for cash, and shoot him if he doesn't comply.
BREAKING: Several pet stores in D.C. are reportedly banning Stephen Miller from adopting any animals fearing he'll take out his aggression on them after Trump announced he is backing down from Miller's extremist ICE policies.
January 26, 2026 at 10:00 PM
BREAKING: Several pet stores in D.C. are reportedly banning Stephen Miller from adopting any animals fearing he'll take out his aggression on them after Trump announced he is backing down from Miller's extremist ICE policies.
BREAKING: ICE officials are reportedly worried that, if Congress requires ICE agents to unmask and wear identification, 75% of the agents will quit rather than be ostracised for the rest of their lives by family, friends, employers, and society.
January 26, 2026 at 8:42 PM
BREAKING: ICE officials are reportedly worried that, if Congress requires ICE agents to unmask and wear identification, 75% of the agents will quit rather than be ostracised for the rest of their lives by family, friends, employers, and society.
BREAKING: The conservative dating app founded for ICE agents called “Red Flags” has not attracted a single female user in 6 months.
January 26, 2026 at 6:57 PM
BREAKING: The conservative dating app founded for ICE agents called “Red Flags” has not attracted a single female user in 6 months.
BREAKING: After Pam Bondi requested Minnesota’s voter data, MN officials reportedly sent her exactly 1% of their records with it all blacked out and a note on the top of every page that says, “Most transparent state government ever.”
January 26, 2026 at 5:53 PM
BREAKING: After Pam Bondi requested Minnesota’s voter data, MN officials reportedly sent her exactly 1% of their records with it all blacked out and a note on the top of every page that says, “Most transparent state government ever.”
BREAKING: ICE officials are reportedly worried blue state cops and prosecutors will begin arresting and charging ICE agents, and local juries will be very unkind to them.
January 26, 2026 at 2:32 PM
BREAKING: ICE officials are reportedly worried blue state cops and prosecutors will begin arresting and charging ICE agents, and local juries will be very unkind to them.
BREAKING: Streaming companies are reporting that the film “The Inglorious Bastards” had record viewing all weekend, and viewers spent 10 million minutes rewinding and watching the scene where the Nazis get swastikas carved onto their faces.
January 26, 2026 at 6:07 AM
BREAKING: Streaming companies are reporting that the film “The Inglorious Bastards” had record viewing all weekend, and viewers spent 10 million minutes rewinding and watching the scene where the Nazis get swastikas carved onto their faces.
BREAKING: A federal judge says Americans have the constitutional First Amendment right to display a working guillotine in public with Greg Bovino's name on it.
January 25, 2026 at 11:24 PM
BREAKING: A federal judge says Americans have the constitutional First Amendment right to display a working guillotine in public with Greg Bovino's name on it.
BREAKING: A couple of rogue police officers in Minneapolis are reportedly stalking ICE agents to arrest them for jaywalking the second they step into the street outside of crosswalks.
January 25, 2026 at 8:33 PM
BREAKING: A couple of rogue police officers in Minneapolis are reportedly stalking ICE agents to arrest them for jaywalking the second they step into the street outside of crosswalks.
BREAKING: Greenland officials say that before they agree to any future talks about mineral rights or military bases, Donald Trump first must give them his FIFA Peace Prize.
January 25, 2026 at 4:56 PM
BREAKING: Greenland officials say that before they agree to any future talks about mineral rights or military bases, Donald Trump first must give them his FIFA Peace Prize.
BREAKING: Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney reportedly told Trump that if he wants him to sign a new trade deal, Trump will have to give him the FIFA Peace Prize.
January 25, 2026 at 4:00 PM
BREAKING: Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney reportedly told Trump that if he wants him to sign a new trade deal, Trump will have to give him the FIFA Peace Prize.
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly asking around Mar-a-Lago if people think it’s “a bad look” for his ICE agents to keep killing law-abiding citizens.
January 25, 2026 at 2:06 AM
BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly asking around Mar-a-Lago if people think it’s “a bad look” for his ICE agents to keep killing law-abiding citizens.
