@helliness.bsky.social
Just a little artist's diary
She/her π 23
Art profile: βͺ@mintarin.bsky.socialβ¬
She/her π 23
Art profile: βͺ@mintarin.bsky.socialβ¬
Pinned
helliness.bsky.social
@helliness.bsky.social
Β· Mar 16
Hi. I'm not sure if I should have made an account, but my mental state needs a place where I can share my feelings and so here I am.
Please leave if you are triggered by things like depression, loss of loved ones, PTSD and similar topics. Thank you π©΅
Please leave if you are triggered by things like depression, loss of loved ones, PTSD and similar topics. Thank you π©΅
Thank you, dear! π« I'm really glad to hear that, and I'm very grateful for your support. Hearing that really helps me. (Actually, I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who helped me this year. Without your support, I wouldn't have been able to do it π)
December 30, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Thank you, dear! π« I'm really glad to hear that, and I'm very grateful for your support. Hearing that really helps me. (Actually, I'm incredibly grateful to everyone who helped me this year. Without your support, I wouldn't have been able to do it π)
This year feels like it finally broke me.
I isolate myself because I feel like a burden, like everyone would be better off if I disappeared.
All I wish for this New Year is mercy. I hope your year was kinder than mine, and that the next one brings more light for all of us π₯Ή
I isolate myself because I feel like a burden, like everyone would be better off if I disappeared.
All I wish for this New Year is mercy. I hope your year was kinder than mine, and that the next one brings more light for all of us π₯Ή
December 30, 2025 at 12:36 PM
This year feels like it finally broke me.
I isolate myself because I feel like a burden, like everyone would be better off if I disappeared.
All I wish for this New Year is mercy. I hope your year was kinder than mine, and that the next one brings more light for all of us π₯Ή
I isolate myself because I feel like a burden, like everyone would be better off if I disappeared.
All I wish for this New Year is mercy. I hope your year was kinder than mine, and that the next one brings more light for all of us π₯Ή
Iβve seen several psychiatrists. Zoloft only made me worse - shaking, GI issues, emotional swings.
Another doctor dismissed my words, said I βlook too well to be depressed,β and prescribed a sedative instead.
Even doctors donβt seem to take my state seriously.
Now I canβt even pretend Iβm okay.
Another doctor dismissed my words, said I βlook too well to be depressed,β and prescribed a sedative instead.
Even doctors donβt seem to take my state seriously.
Now I canβt even pretend Iβm okay.
December 30, 2025 at 12:36 PM
Iβve seen several psychiatrists. Zoloft only made me worse - shaking, GI issues, emotional swings.
Another doctor dismissed my words, said I βlook too well to be depressed,β and prescribed a sedative instead.
Even doctors donβt seem to take my state seriously.
Now I canβt even pretend Iβm okay.
Another doctor dismissed my words, said I βlook too well to be depressed,β and prescribed a sedative instead.
Even doctors donβt seem to take my state seriously.
Now I canβt even pretend Iβm okay.
For the past few months, thoughts about wanting to stop existing have been coming back.
Not plans - just the wish to disappear, to rest, to not have to keep going.
Most days I feel empty, exhausted, and overwhelmed by simply being alive.
Not plans - just the wish to disappear, to rest, to not have to keep going.
Most days I feel empty, exhausted, and overwhelmed by simply being alive.
December 30, 2025 at 12:36 PM
For the past few months, thoughts about wanting to stop existing have been coming back.
Not plans - just the wish to disappear, to rest, to not have to keep going.
Most days I feel empty, exhausted, and overwhelmed by simply being alive.
Not plans - just the wish to disappear, to rest, to not have to keep going.
Most days I feel empty, exhausted, and overwhelmed by simply being alive.
I'm not even sure if I'll celebrate Christmas and decorate the house, put up a Christmas tree... I hope that at least I'll be able to pay off my overdue loans by the end of the month. This year has been such a nightmare.
December 12, 2025 at 4:46 PM
I'm not even sure if I'll celebrate Christmas and decorate the house, put up a Christmas tree... I hope that at least I'll be able to pay off my overdue loans by the end of the month. This year has been such a nightmare.
I'm trying to catch up on all the debts I've accumulated over the past few months. It's very difficult to even force myself to get out of bed; it seems like I've used up all my strength this year... At least the medication I've been prescribed is helping with my anxiety
December 12, 2025 at 4:46 PM
I'm trying to catch up on all the debts I've accumulated over the past few months. It's very difficult to even force myself to get out of bed; it seems like I've used up all my strength this year... At least the medication I've been prescribed is helping with my anxiety
I increased my antidepressant dose and for the third day I've been shaking with anxiety and muscle tension and can't do anything. The doctor said to be patient and that it could last up to two weeks. It's exhausting T.T
November 9, 2025 at 11:54 AM
I increased my antidepressant dose and for the third day I've been shaking with anxiety and muscle tension and can't do anything. The doctor said to be patient and that it could last up to two weeks. It's exhausting T.T
I am severely exhausted, the medication is only making things worse for now, and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. But I have to endure it, and I hope that I will get better.
October 31, 2025 at 3:01 PM
I am severely exhausted, the medication is only making things worse for now, and it's hard for me to even get out of bed. But I have to endure it, and I hope that I will get better.
The last two weeks have been difficult, and I had to admit that I can't cope. So I went to a psychiatrist. The doctor wasn't the most tactful. But through tears and humiliation, I got a prescription. And I started taking pills.
October 31, 2025 at 3:01 PM
The last two weeks have been difficult, and I had to admit that I can't cope. So I went to a psychiatrist. The doctor wasn't the most tactful. But through tears and humiliation, I got a prescription. And I started taking pills.
Hello, dear ones
I haven't written anything for a long time because something was going on inside me that I couldn't put into words. But now I can. I am completely exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. My βbatteryβ is below zero, my anxiety has reached a critical point, and I've broken down.
I haven't written anything for a long time because something was going on inside me that I couldn't put into words. But now I can. I am completely exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. My βbatteryβ is below zero, my anxiety has reached a critical point, and I've broken down.
October 31, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Hello, dear ones
I haven't written anything for a long time because something was going on inside me that I couldn't put into words. But now I can. I am completely exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. My βbatteryβ is below zero, my anxiety has reached a critical point, and I've broken down.
I haven't written anything for a long time because something was going on inside me that I couldn't put into words. But now I can. I am completely exhausted. Emotionally, mentally, physically. My βbatteryβ is below zero, my anxiety has reached a critical point, and I've broken down.
Reposted
WIP π©΅β¨
October 3, 2025 at 6:55 PM
WIP π©΅β¨
Just a small burnt bun in flour. My husband tried baking bread himself and spilled a bit of flour, huh
Also, the streets are already covered in snow with knee-high drifts. It looks so beautiful, like a quiet winter dream
Also, the streets are already covered in snow with knee-high drifts. It looks so beautiful, like a quiet winter dream
September 29, 2025 at 8:28 PM
Just a small burnt bun in flour. My husband tried baking bread himself and spilled a bit of flour, huh
Also, the streets are already covered in snow with knee-high drifts. It looks so beautiful, like a quiet winter dream
Also, the streets are already covered in snow with knee-high drifts. It looks so beautiful, like a quiet winter dream
I try to focus on the good things in my life, but itβs hard. I need to pull myself together and work more to cover loan payments and support our life while my husband recoversβ¦ Right now it feels overwhelming, and Iβm not sure I can manage it. Itβs so hard. I just hope I get better soon T.T
September 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
I try to focus on the good things in my life, but itβs hard. I need to pull myself together and work more to cover loan payments and support our life while my husband recoversβ¦ Right now it feels overwhelming, and Iβm not sure I can manage it. Itβs so hard. I just hope I get better soon T.T
Everyone in my family died suddenly, and my mother suffered for a long time in the hospital - that memory still stays with me. Since then, hospitals and ambulances trigger strong anxiety for me. I thought these past two years had healed it a bit, but now itβs all come back along with the nightmares.
September 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Everyone in my family died suddenly, and my mother suffered for a long time in the hospital - that memory still stays with me. Since then, hospitals and ambulances trigger strong anxiety for me. I thought these past two years had healed it a bit, but now itβs all come back along with the nightmares.
Because of PTSD after losing my mother (and before that, my father), I panic deeply whenever my husband has health problems. Heβs the only one I have, and Iβm very afraid of losing himβ¦
September 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Because of PTSD after losing my mother (and before that, my father), I panic deeply whenever my husband has health problems. Heβs the only one I have, and Iβm very afraid of losing himβ¦
My husband is feeling a bit better now and needs fewer painkillers, which is good π But my mental health has taken a hit - too much stress has worsened my anxiety disorder. Iβm focusing on resting and taking care of myself. As soon as I can, I plan to see my therapist and get medication.
September 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
My husband is feeling a bit better now and needs fewer painkillers, which is good π But my mental health has taken a hit - too much stress has worsened my anxiety disorder. Iβm focusing on resting and taking care of myself. As soon as I can, I plan to see my therapist and get medication.
I am very worried that I will not be able to support us both... After all, our loan payments are quite large, sigh. This is all so untimely... And it hurts me so much to see him suffering T.T
September 17, 2025 at 9:43 PM
I am very worried that I will not be able to support us both... After all, our loan payments are quite large, sigh. This is all so untimely... And it hurts me so much to see him suffering T.T
Tomorrow we will go to a neurologist to find out what to do next, but the treatment will take up to six months, during which time he will not be able to work.
September 17, 2025 at 9:43 PM
Tomorrow we will go to a neurologist to find out what to do next, but the treatment will take up to six months, during which time he will not be able to work.
Today my husband had an MRI, and it showed that he has a large hernia in one place and a protrusion in another. The sciatic nerve is severely pinched, which is bad because it could die (I mean the nerve, yes)
September 17, 2025 at 9:43 PM
Today my husband had an MRI, and it showed that he has a large hernia in one place and a protrusion in another. The sciatic nerve is severely pinched, which is bad because it could die (I mean the nerve, yes)
I feel terrible asking for help again. I'm used to dealing with everything myself, but this year and its events have been just awful.
I don't know what to do... I'm desperate. My graphics tablet suddenly stopped working just as I sat down to work. My husband is still very ill and unable to work. I know I've already asked for help, but I really need help... again. I'm sorry.
September 13, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I feel terrible asking for help again. I'm used to dealing with everything myself, but this year and its events have been just awful.
But I negotiated with the bank about one of my loans and it seems that I am no longer facing legal action for late payment... Adult life is totally sucks.
(Sorry if there are mistakes and inappropriate words in my posts, I don't have the energy to double-check my translator)
(Sorry if there are mistakes and inappropriate words in my posts, I don't have the energy to double-check my translator)
September 9, 2025 at 1:56 PM
But I negotiated with the bank about one of my loans and it seems that I am no longer facing legal action for late payment... Adult life is totally sucks.
(Sorry if there are mistakes and inappropriate words in my posts, I don't have the energy to double-check my translator)
(Sorry if there are mistakes and inappropriate words in my posts, I don't have the energy to double-check my translator)
I am so tired, but I am slowly drawing commissions in the evenings. I hope everything will work out soon...
September 9, 2025 at 1:53 PM
I am so tired, but I am slowly drawing commissions in the evenings. I hope everything will work out soon...
Now we are trying to see a therapist to get a referral for an X-ray - if we have to pay for it, it will be very expensive, so we will go to a regular hospital... I hope the doctor won't refuse, otherwise I will make such a fuss!
September 9, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Now we are trying to see a therapist to get a referral for an X-ray - if we have to pay for it, it will be very expensive, so we will go to a regular hospital... I hope the doctor won't refuse, otherwise I will make such a fuss!