I think we just had the first meanful conversation about the possibility of us having a kid. I don't know what this feeling I'm currently feeling is... I've never really seen this side of my brain before... who's cutting onions.... *sniffle*

Emotionally sensitive today. Can, will, and have cried at the drop of a hat. Therapy later is going to be interesting. I'm just going to have to trust my waterproof makeup today.

House to myself. Feeling like a hot pile of dog turds. But I've cleaned all the depression piles. Garbage has been taken out. Dishes are finally soaking in the sink. Windows are all open and the sunlight is perfect. Still need to fold laundry and make the bed. Then I can crash out and nap.

Today I told my therapist that my home has a permanent black cloud over it.... I come home and sit in my car looking at the house and wonder what I'm going to walk into... tonight I should have slept in my car. How do I fix this...

I should just study to be a therapist at this point. Everyone in this house needs a grippy sock vacation, and I'm not even excluding myself in that anymore. Why am I the only one in therapy?! Fuck.

Oh, how I just love coming home to a dark house. Where everyone's in a shit mood, and no one wants to talk about it.So I just get to walk around avoiding tripwires and triggers left and right.I'm gonna go hide in the basement and smoke out to some music and just vibe alone.It's just been an off day.

I'm sick of getting my hopes up just to be disappointed again.

I wish I had other people.
I wish I could talk to someone other than my therapist about my life. This small circle BS is getting old. I want travel and adventure friends. I want life time friends. People who know me and make plans and care to make an effort like I would for them.

Today was a better day. Groceries and time with my mom and aunt to look at old family photos. Made me miss my grandparents so much.

Needed to get out of my own brain. Overestimated, and it's making me crying mad. Every noise, touch, and interaction is making me want to scream. This is how I hurt people. This is why my circle is so small. Smoke out the racing thoughts and blast my music louder than they can scream.

Guess I'll just make this app my place to scream into the void.... maybe make it a throw-away account where it's not my name and face, and I just post the actual stuff that messes up my mind.

I should really figure out what to do with this app.

Hello Bluesky... 👋