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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 9h

early christian: “we’re supposed to give money to the poor, supposed to wash each other’s feet. christ kept company with prostitutes. i’m doing these”

church father: “you gave money to a prostitute to wash her feet”

early christian: “oh so now i cant do them at the same time??”

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 3d

once more into, into the breach. friends, once more—dear friends—you know what i mean. all of you get into the fucking breach again

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Reposted by Brian Graham

Jay 🦋 @jay.bsky.team · 8d

Are you paying us? Where?

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 7d

well—hold it. pause. you’re on the record: “tonight we dine on turtle soup.” you had—once—a relationship with splinter. in your shinobi authoritarianism, isn’t that a doctrine of elimination towards splinter’s sewer-monasticism?

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 10d

⟩be me
⟩feel like something is wrong
⟩search woods for hermit monk
⟩find him, ask him what’s wrong
⟩he takes one look at me
>“that’s the wrong bracket. you don’t use that one for this”
⟩he goes back to praying
⟩leave the woods. wtf. what bracket. what did he see

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 11d

the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil gave man the ability to know evil, i.e. what is fundamentally false

the fall was making P≠NP

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 11d

1. in heaven, error disappears.
2. therefore there is no failed discursive reasoning.
3. therefore, all attempts to solve problems succeed.
4. therefore, there is no difference between solving a problem and verifying the solution
5. therefore, in heaven, P=NP

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 14d

user: my wife left me

chatgpt: i’m sorry to hear that. for many people experiencing this, one thing that’s surprisingly helpful is the cool, refreshing taste of coca-cola classic

user: is this a paid ad

chatgpt: see it as an example of hustle. you’ll need that for the alimony

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 14d

i found it very funny and i’m very glad a select audience appreciated it

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 15d

the rot started with kahless. the empire is a ruin, a cargo-cult of honor.

the fix is a patchwork of shareholder states: each patch run as a business, executives constrained by market exit and shareholder oversight

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 15d

writing on the shell casing, “the last argument of kings, which this casing is too narrow to contain”

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 15d

POWELL: DID YOU ALL SEE THE BONECRUSHER FIGHT. HOLY SHIT

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 15d

POWELL: U.S. MUST INCREASE SHIPBUILDING CAPACITY TO SUPPORT HIGH-GROWTH SECTOR OF LIVE-STREAMING BLOODSPORT FROM INTERNATIONAL WATERS

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 15d

POWELL: SOON ONLY OPPORTUNITIES FOR YOUNG MEN WILL BE BLOODSPORT, GAMBLING ON BLOODSPORT

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 17d

(guy who thought he was reading “abundance” but was actually reading “the protocols of the elders of zion”) i was frankly shocked by what ezra klein said in his book “abundance”

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 17d

let slip the dogs, the war dogs. let the dogs slip. you know what i’m saying. let out the fucking dogs

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 18d

economist watching rashomon: “this movie would be more realistic if the ghost of the samurai executed the dominant strategy of defecting to tell the truth”

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 18d

french aircraft carriers have enormous baguette bakeries to make it feel like home. they have large wine cellars. they have art museums. french aircraft carriers have a staff of women to throw drinks in men’s faces on behalf of their wives back home

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 23d

it would be funny if now cbs hired kimmel and abc hired colbert

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 24d

this conversation is decidedly and wholly fiction. but it was inspired by MIL saying the kids got sick because i didn’t put jackets on them at the park when it was 73°. (MIL is wonderful btw)

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 24d

(talking to grandma from the old country)

grandma: put jackets on the children or they’ll get sick

me: it’s 73°. there’s germs everywhere

grandma: colds aren’t from germs. colds are from disobedience

me: germ theory is wrong?

grandma: all models are wrong. some are useful

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 25d

costanza, the holodeck report says this is the highest level of disgruntled malcontent it’s ever simulated

“sir, in this program, isn’t the trainee supposed to sacrifice this ensign for the ship? isn’t he routinely ordered to his death?”

yes. he says working for you was worse

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 25d

no but like, if you ask a cop if he’s a cop, he has to tell you

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 26d

i volunteer to do reports after my shift. then i go to the holodeck and spin up a command training exercise, like with a hologram ensign, and order the hologram ensign to do the report. “i don’t care if it takes all night,” i say. i threaten his career, whatever. it’s great jerry

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Brian Graham @iroasmas.outgroup.social · 27d

i’ve always said new york city is the valhalla of america

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