itsonlyzach
@itsonlyzach.bsky.social
Once David Sedaris told me I looked handsome and sad. An effete, strident, bicoastal (both sides of the Delaware River) queer. Same name on IG⬆️📸 He/him. 🏳️🌈
A 25th unhinged season of America’s Next Top Model would mean so much to me, a person who once faked press credentials* to ask Mr. Jay and noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker a question at pre-zoom online PR event for cycle 6 of the show.
*It wasn’t hard. The show was on UPN.
*It wasn’t hard. The show was on UPN.
February 17, 2026 at 2:16 PM
A 25th unhinged season of America’s Next Top Model would mean so much to me, a person who once faked press credentials* to ask Mr. Jay and noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker a question at pre-zoom online PR event for cycle 6 of the show.
*It wasn’t hard. The show was on UPN.
*It wasn’t hard. The show was on UPN.
Representation matters, and that is why I love the Norwegian Olympic skier who fucked up the slalom in which he was supposed to medal, threw his poles as far as he could, wandered for 3-4 minutes into the woods, and lay down in the snow until they made him get up and leave the mountain.
February 16, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Representation matters, and that is why I love the Norwegian Olympic skier who fucked up the slalom in which he was supposed to medal, threw his poles as far as he could, wandered for 3-4 minutes into the woods, and lay down in the snow until they made him get up and leave the mountain.
A disappearing thirst trap of my night working from bed.
February 16, 2026 at 3:40 AM
A disappearing thirst trap of my night working from bed.
Happy Valentimes from the Hoagie Room.
February 15, 2026 at 1:07 AM
Happy Valentimes from the Hoagie Room.
Johnny and Tara were watching those skaters and making noises like the morning anchors watching the grape stomp lady fall off the platform.
February 13, 2026 at 10:33 PM
Johnny and Tara were watching those skaters and making noises like the morning anchors watching the grape stomp lady fall off the platform.
Curse of the Olympic figure skating team gold?
February 13, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Curse of the Olympic figure skating team gold?
That was painful to watch. (I mean figure skating, not the rest of the news.)
February 13, 2026 at 9:56 PM
That was painful to watch. (I mean figure skating, not the rest of the news.)
Kind of need adam siao him fa.
February 13, 2026 at 9:37 PM
Kind of need adam siao him fa.
(Hyper-regional skeet) As always, we weren’t going to go out for Valentine’s Day, but then our friends invited us to the exclusive Hoagie Room at Pizzeria Beddia, so we had no choice.
February 13, 2026 at 1:19 PM
(Hyper-regional skeet) As always, we weren’t going to go out for Valentine’s Day, but then our friends invited us to the exclusive Hoagie Room at Pizzeria Beddia, so we had no choice.
I’m tonight’s lecturer for Penn’s Fels Institute for Government, talking to their fellows about public finance advocacy, leading nonprofits through this unprecedented era, and career pivots. (But they have no idea I’m just waiting for clips of my gay Croatian soap opera to drop while I prepare.)
February 12, 2026 at 4:16 PM
I’m tonight’s lecturer for Penn’s Fels Institute for Government, talking to their fellows about public finance advocacy, leading nonprofits through this unprecedented era, and career pivots. (But they have no idea I’m just waiting for clips of my gay Croatian soap opera to drop while I prepare.)
Woke up in a sweaty panic this morning thinking how with the current state of education, there must be so many young people who have no idea about “The Pleasure Principle” by Janet Jackson.
February 12, 2026 at 3:16 PM
Woke up in a sweaty panic this morning thinking how with the current state of education, there must be so many young people who have no idea about “The Pleasure Principle” by Janet Jackson.
Not to be too earnest about this, but "I don't want to wait for our lives to be over" is the first thing I thought of. Heartbreaking.
February 11, 2026 at 7:39 PM
Not to be too earnest about this, but "I don't want to wait for our lives to be over" is the first thing I thought of. Heartbreaking.
One of the worst Super Bowl games in recent history awash in a sea of ads for betting sites, weight loss drugs, surveillance doorbells, crypto, and AI.
Bad Bunny would've been MVP for the night regardless, but damn, outside of his show, what a bleak night.
Bad Bunny would've been MVP for the night regardless, but damn, outside of his show, what a bleak night.
February 9, 2026 at 3:26 AM
One of the worst Super Bowl games in recent history awash in a sea of ads for betting sites, weight loss drugs, surveillance doorbells, crypto, and AI.
Bad Bunny would've been MVP for the night regardless, but damn, outside of his show, what a bleak night.
Bad Bunny would've been MVP for the night regardless, but damn, outside of his show, what a bleak night.
That attention-addicted man would probably die sooner if he couldn't insert himself into every political and cultural conversation happening in this country, and we should test this theory by not sharing screen caps of everything he posts on some other site, even to dunk on him.
February 9, 2026 at 2:57 AM
That attention-addicted man would probably die sooner if he couldn't insert himself into every political and cultural conversation happening in this country, and we should test this theory by not sharing screen caps of everything he posts on some other site, even to dunk on him.
Nothing would make more sense than a Lady Gaga "I Don't Know How to Love Him."
who will finance my new production of Jesus Christ Superstar
February 9, 2026 at 2:33 AM
Nothing would make more sense than a Lady Gaga "I Don't Know How to Love Him."
If Seattle holds, would Sam Darnold be the first ginger QB to win the Super Bowl?
February 9, 2026 at 2:22 AM
If Seattle holds, would Sam Darnold be the first ginger QB to win the Super Bowl?
The halftime show gave me life, which is a relief because so many of these commercials make me want to run into traffic.
February 9, 2026 at 2:13 AM
The halftime show gave me life, which is a relief because so many of these commercials make me want to run into traffic.
Carrie Underwood showing up to drop some unseasoned chicken on that feast we just had.
February 9, 2026 at 1:41 AM
Carrie Underwood showing up to drop some unseasoned chicken on that feast we just had.
Well that fucking ruled.
February 9, 2026 at 1:33 AM
Well that fucking ruled.
I summoned Ricky Martin with this skeet
Bad Bunny said we are gonna get FAGGY
February 9, 2026 at 1:30 AM
I summoned Ricky Martin with this skeet
Honestly if Madonna can have a Latina era, let Stefani Germanotta have one too. We need a recorded version of Morir con una Sonrisa!
omg not a GOOD version of Die with a Smile?! Where have they been hiding this?!
February 9, 2026 at 1:29 AM
Honestly if Madonna can have a Latina era, let Stefani Germanotta have one too. We need a recorded version of Morir con una Sonrisa!
omg not a GOOD version of Die with a Smile?! Where have they been hiding this?!
February 9, 2026 at 1:26 AM
omg not a GOOD version of Die with a Smile?! Where have they been hiding this?!
Bad Bunny said we are gonna get FAGGY
February 9, 2026 at 1:25 AM
Bad Bunny said we are gonna get FAGGY
I'm not sure if everyone got that commercial with Saquon or if it were just in our Philly market, but he was never the same after he went golfing with ***microphone cuts off***
February 9, 2026 at 1:13 AM
I'm not sure if everyone got that commercial with Saquon or if it were just in our Philly market, but he was never the same after he went golfing with ***microphone cuts off***
That was several Tom Brady faces ago.
February 9, 2026 at 1:01 AM
That was several Tom Brady faces ago.