Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 1d

My town’s water department presented us with a gift of a 10-cup Britta water filter and pitcher worth at least $16 retail, to make up for having ignored our complaints about drastically low water volume.
Now they’re out there with a device called a mole, installing a new water line.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 2d

Kids growing up on the mean streets of suburban New Jersey learn early to double consonants when adding a suffix to a stressed syllable ending in a single vowel and consonant.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 3d

These were ridiculously hot, 1,000 times hotter than jalapeños.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 4d

“These chilis are very, very hot,” the waiter said.
“Be careful,” the waiter said.
“Try a tiny bite first,” the waiter said.
But did I listen?
Reader, I did not.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 8d

Woody was a complex individual who had a horrendous childhood. He committed some criminal acts, and doodled racially offensive cartoons, but he was a goddamn genius. His music will be performed long after the current crop of shitstains who are running this country and in the ground.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 8d

Saw a loon yesterday at a marina on the Navesink River. It dove under the water too fast to take a photo. They don’t often turn up as far south as New Jersey. Might be climate change, IDK.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 9d

Festooned!

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 11d

Constant craving…

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 14d

Help solve a mystery

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 15d

Crab Rangoon! I love it so.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 16d

"What the president was trying to do, in this very humorous and very unique way, was highlight how hard it is for us to forgive our enemies," the vice president said.
Yep, what a kidder, that Donny! Guy shoulda done standup. He would’ve wowed ‘em in the Poconos.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 22d

Photos strictly forbidden, they said. No picture-taking, or else, they said.
Reader, I did it anyway.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 24d

Where’s evil? It’s that part of every man that wants to hate without limit, that wants to hate with God on its side. It’s that part of every man that finds all kinds of ugliness so attractive.
- Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 27d

Here’s how I imagine it went down:
Trump, at Mar-a-Lago, with some billionaires: “Ya know what the White House needs? A huge, fancy ballroom.”
The billionaires nod in agreement. Trump beckons to a server. “Bring me a Diet Coke, honey.”
She complies.
To the billionaires: “Wouldja look at that ass!”

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 29d

Song at Parting, by Raymond Chandler
He left her lying in the nude
That sultry night in May.
The neighbors thought it rather rude.
He liked her best that way.
He left a rose beside her head,
A meat-axe in her brain.
A note upon the bureau read:
‘I won’t be back again.’

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 29d

Zhuang Yunfei: “Look, it’s science, okay? There’s nothing creepy about it.”

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · 29d

Just a snack to hold us over until the entrées arrive

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Sep 10

He wrote a book about bowling and has a meager income from the royalties.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Sep 10

When did clowns go from being harmless entertainers beloved by children and adults alike to terrifying nightmare creatures?
I’m guessing somewhere around 1965, but why?

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Sep 6

My husband asked me to bring home a pecan Danish, but he doesn’t want one now, not after I texted him this pic and assured him that the object in the foreground is a pecan, not a cockroach.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Sep 4

The lights are on, but nobody’s home. I ❤️ Pockets; there’s just not a lot going on upstairs.

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Sep 3

It’s the time of year when Mainers anticipate the exodus of the summer complaint. It’s not some kind of seasonal illness; it refers to tourists, folks who bring much-needed money, but whose departure is cause for celebration.
My great-aunt Rosetta put it this way, “Now we can get back to nah-mul.”

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Aug 31

El Cid was in perfect health; his doctor said so. He was strapped to his horse for safety. Yeah, that’s it. Safety. He totally wasn’t dead. Look at him go! Would a dead man be able to ride a horse like that?

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Aug 25

Pockets doesn’t want anyone to watch her eat

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Jill Hand @jhandy.bsky.social · Aug 25

Had the recurring nightmare last night that I was back in high school. Not only that, it was my first day at a new school where I didn’t know anyone. Terrifying.
My heart was slamming in my chest when I woke up, convinced it was real and I had to get dressed and go wait for the bus. Yikes!

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