Joey Headset
@joeyheadset.bsky.social
I am no longer on speaking terms with Phil Collins.
He knows why.
He knows why.
"So I told this guy that if he never ran track in high school, he hadn't *earned* the right to wear a velvety tracksuit in public."
"Wow. Sounds like a case of Stolen Velour."
"Wow. Sounds like a case of Stolen Velour."
February 6, 2026 at 1:02 AM
"So I told this guy that if he never ran track in high school, he hadn't *earned* the right to wear a velvety tracksuit in public."
"Wow. Sounds like a case of Stolen Velour."
"Wow. Sounds like a case of Stolen Velour."
The Muppet Show revival was absolutely delightful. Sabrina Carpenter was game for total ridiculous versions of Manchild and a cover of Islands in the Stream. There was a Rat version of Blinded By the Light. So much fun.
February 5, 2026 at 3:47 AM
The Muppet Show revival was absolutely delightful. Sabrina Carpenter was game for total ridiculous versions of Manchild and a cover of Islands in the Stream. There was a Rat version of Blinded By the Light. So much fun.
After receiving critical acclaim, director Josh Safdie announced that he intends to direct a sequel to his film 'Marty Supreme'. Timothée Chalamet will return in a minor role, as the new film will focus less on the character Marty, instead telling the story of Marty's brother, 'Crunchwrap'.
February 3, 2026 at 2:53 AM
After receiving critical acclaim, director Josh Safdie announced that he intends to direct a sequel to his film 'Marty Supreme'. Timothée Chalamet will return in a minor role, as the new film will focus less on the character Marty, instead telling the story of Marty's brother, 'Crunchwrap'.
Is it possible that everybody wanted to hang out with Epstein because he happened to be a sparkling conversationalist?
February 1, 2026 at 8:27 PM
Is it possible that everybody wanted to hang out with Epstein because he happened to be a sparkling conversationalist?
Sometimes I worry I don't have enough problematic tattoos :(
January 21, 2026 at 4:56 AM
Sometimes I worry I don't have enough problematic tattoos :(
When Tom Brady is calling a playoff game.
(I do not speak Spanish.)
(I do not speak Spanish.)
January 18, 2026 at 1:31 AM
When Tom Brady is calling a playoff game.
(I do not speak Spanish.)
(I do not speak Spanish.)
Easy. "SAVE ROOM FOR DESNUTZ."
January 13, 2026 at 1:32 AM
Easy. "SAVE ROOM FOR DESNUTZ."
I suppose you could say that the Holy Grail is the Holy Grail of holy grails.
January 11, 2026 at 6:09 PM
I suppose you could say that the Holy Grail is the Holy Grail of holy grails.
♫ ♫ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Jeff-rey Ep-stein! ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Jeff-rey Ep-stein! ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
December 20, 2025 at 9:36 PM
♫ ♫ Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Jeff-rey Ep-stein! ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
♫ ♫ ♫ ♫ Jeff-rey Ep-stein! ♫ ♫ ♫ ♫
my neck
my back
my scrotum's been attacked
:(
my back
my scrotum's been attacked
:(
December 19, 2025 at 7:14 PM
my neck
my back
my scrotum's been attacked
:(
my back
my scrotum's been attacked
:(
My (heavily redacted) prediction of how this season of Pluribus is going to end.
December 11, 2025 at 7:16 PM
My (heavily redacted) prediction of how this season of Pluribus is going to end.
Grandma Got Run Over By Some Douchebag in a Cybertruck.
December 11, 2025 at 1:06 AM
Grandma Got Run Over By Some Douchebag in a Cybertruck.
The algorithm just served me an ad for a product called "Better Than Gravy" and I just don't know any more :(
December 5, 2025 at 7:59 PM
The algorithm just served me an ad for a product called "Better Than Gravy" and I just don't know any more :(
At first, I thought this 'gravy enema' was a terrible idea. But now that I've tried it, I can say with some degree of confidence that it was, in every imaginable way, a terrible idea. :(
November 28, 2025 at 4:08 AM
At first, I thought this 'gravy enema' was a terrible idea. But now that I've tried it, I can say with some degree of confidence that it was, in every imaginable way, a terrible idea. :(
"Finnegans Wake? More like Finnegans WOKE lol, amirite!?"
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
November 25, 2025 at 10:47 PM
"Finnegans Wake? More like Finnegans WOKE lol, amirite!?"
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
—thing I said moments before being violently ejected from an Irish pub :(
“McRibbed… for *her* pleasure.”
November 21, 2025 at 3:27 AM
“McRibbed… for *her* pleasure.”
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
November 13, 2025 at 1:53 AM
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
And they're like, 'Now I've got diarrhea!'
Damn right, you've got diarrhea!"
Kelis, Milkshake (Lactose Intolerance Remix)
A bargain at twice the price.
November 4, 2025 at 7:50 PM
A bargain at twice the price.
I'm trying to remember the name of a movie from the early 80s. As I recall, the film starred Richard Gere and Barbra Streisand. I thought I knew the movie's title, but nothing comes up on Google when I search for "An Officer and a Yentl Man".
November 4, 2025 at 6:02 PM
I'm trying to remember the name of a movie from the early 80s. As I recall, the film starred Richard Gere and Barbra Streisand. I thought I knew the movie's title, but nothing comes up on Google when I search for "An Officer and a Yentl Man".
I really thought people would enjoy a culinary experience that combines classic Chinese pasta with hearty German cuisine. However, Rabbi Schulman threatened to have me murdered by a 'squad of mohel assassins' if I didn't immediately shut down my food truck "Lo Mein Kampf" :(
October 31, 2025 at 6:52 PM
I really thought people would enjoy a culinary experience that combines classic Chinese pasta with hearty German cuisine. However, Rabbi Schulman threatened to have me murdered by a 'squad of mohel assassins' if I didn't immediately shut down my food truck "Lo Mein Kampf" :(
When archeologists are looking for romance, do they post their profile on carbon dating apps?
October 27, 2025 at 10:08 PM
When archeologists are looking for romance, do they post their profile on carbon dating apps?
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person at this ayahuasca retreat who really *gets* it :(
October 22, 2025 at 7:11 PM
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person at this ayahuasca retreat who really *gets* it :(
"Abandon all MOOOOO, ye who enter here."
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
Google Search
www.google.com
October 17, 2025 at 1:24 AM
"Abandon all MOOOOO, ye who enter here."
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
—Dante Alighieri, The Bovine Comedy
If somebody has a job interview at a company that sells goth themed apparel, should they ‘dress to depress’?
October 15, 2025 at 11:33 PM
If somebody has a job interview at a company that sells goth themed apparel, should they ‘dress to depress’?