“Video evidence of the shooting contradicts statements made by federal agencies” is having a hell of a 2026.
January 24, 2026 at 9:30 PM
“Video evidence of the shooting contradicts statements made by federal agencies” is having a hell of a 2026.
All prepared for the blizzard with a, apparently, third bottle of mouthwash.
Now remembering it was shampoo I was supposed to pick up from the store as I put the new toothpaste in the cabinet next to the 5 other tubes.
January 23, 2026 at 10:58 PM
All prepared for the blizzard with a, apparently, third bottle of mouthwash.
Kids in future US history classes are gonna need a mnemonic to keep 1/6 and 1/3 straight
January 4, 2026 at 2:28 AM
Kids in future US history classes are gonna need a mnemonic to keep 1/6 and 1/3 straight
“Was the operation in Venezuela authoriz—“
“You mean in Trump-Venezuela.”
“You mean in Trump-Venezuela.”
January 3, 2026 at 12:29 PM
“Was the operation in Venezuela authoriz—“
“You mean in Trump-Venezuela.”
“You mean in Trump-Venezuela.”
The finale better have a 2025 flash forward otherwise I’m just gonna believe the PTSD causes the Stranger Things kids to all grow up to be Flat Earthers and invent Qanon
December 30, 2025 at 2:21 AM
The finale better have a 2025 flash forward otherwise I’m just gonna believe the PTSD causes the Stranger Things kids to all grow up to be Flat Earthers and invent Qanon
3-Days-Ago Me: OK, remember that leftover container just has a little bit of mac ‘n cheese on the top. Most of the underneath is broccoli. Remember so you’re not disappointed.
Today Me: Goddammit.
Today Me: Goddammit.
December 30, 2025 at 12:32 AM
3-Days-Ago Me: OK, remember that leftover container just has a little bit of mac ‘n cheese on the top. Most of the underneath is broccoli. Remember so you’re not disappointed.
Today Me: Goddammit.
Today Me: Goddammit.
That’s one resolution kept.
December 27, 2025 at 5:12 PM
That’s one resolution kept.
The preferred ratio:
1 part eggnog
Yes parts rum
1 part eggnog
Yes parts rum
December 25, 2025 at 7:43 PM
The preferred ratio:
1 part eggnog
Yes parts rum
1 part eggnog
Yes parts rum
The slowest news week of 2025 was that weekend we thought he was maybe dead.
December 25, 2025 at 12:25 AM
The slowest news week of 2025 was that weekend we thought he was maybe dead.
Attention shoppers! There is still time if you want to be the 4th to send us a meat and cheese holiday gift box!
December 17, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Attention shoppers! There is still time if you want to be the 4th to send us a meat and cheese holiday gift box!
Now remembering it was shampoo I was supposed to pick up from the store as I put the new toothpaste in the cabinet next to the 5 other tubes.
December 12, 2025 at 4:30 AM
Now remembering it was shampoo I was supposed to pick up from the store as I put the new toothpaste in the cabinet next to the 5 other tubes.
Joke’s on them. My HBO and Netflix passwords are already the same.
December 5, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Joke’s on them. My HBO and Netflix passwords are already the same.
“Strong Floor, No Ceiling” is André the Giant’s HGTV home reno show.
November 30, 2025 at 6:36 PM
“Strong Floor, No Ceiling” is André the Giant’s HGTV home reno show.
When MD drivers can no longer blame the bumper-to-bumper MD to VA commute on VA construction:
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<AreWeTheBaddies.bmp>
November 25, 2025 at 1:17 PM
When MD drivers can no longer blame the bumper-to-bumper MD to VA commute on VA construction:
<AreWeTheBaddies.bmp>
<AreWeTheBaddies.bmp>
Does no one care about the spreadsheet keeper??!!
November 22, 2025 at 1:35 AM
Does no one care about the spreadsheet keeper??!!
Therapist: “So what I’m hearing is that you live in a near-constant state of fully self-imposed, internal existential conflict.”
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
November 19, 2025 at 2:33 PM
Therapist: “So what I’m hearing is that you live in a near-constant state of fully self-imposed, internal existential conflict.”
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
“Uh-huh.”
Therapist: *spends 3 minutes in silence trying to figure out a professional, non-condescending way of saying ‘maybe just don’t be like that?’*
Between “Death by Lightning” and Ken Burns’ “American Revolution”, I think I would have retained much more from history classes if they were reenacted by that guy from that thing.
November 18, 2025 at 3:12 AM
Between “Death by Lightning” and Ken Burns’ “American Revolution”, I think I would have retained much more from history classes if they were reenacted by that guy from that thing.
I fixed it:
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
November 15, 2025 at 3:41 PM
I fixed it:
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
President - 4 years, election every mult. of 4 year (as is)
House - 4 years, election every year for 1/4 of House
Senate - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Senate, odd years
Court - 4 years, election every 2 years for 1/2 of Court, even years, Chief Justice off-cycle w Pres
On this season of “Let’s Define What a Woman Is”…
Megyn Kelly: "I know somebody very close to this case…Jeffrey Epstein, in this person's view, was not a pedophile…He was into the barely legal type, like he liked 15 year old girls…He wasn't into like 8 year olds…There's a difference between a 15 year old and a 5 year old."
November 13, 2025 at 7:03 PM
On this season of “Let’s Define What a Woman Is”…
“I will not support drinking at this party because I am underage.” - freshman talking to the cops breaking up the kegger at his house thrown by his cousins while he was organizing his stamp collection
I will not support the Republican bill that’s on the Senate floor because it fails to do anything of substance to fix America’s healthcare crisis.
November 10, 2025 at 10:57 PM
“I will not support drinking at this party because I am underage.” - freshman talking to the cops breaking up the kegger at his house thrown by his cousins while he was organizing his stamp collection
I keep forgetting at the first day of Senate Camp they all do trust falls and get brain damage.
November 10, 2025 at 3:46 AM
I keep forgetting at the first day of Senate Camp they all do trust falls and get brain damage.
Not liking the apparent Democratic leadership’s strategy of “well, dead people can’t vote against me”.
November 10, 2025 at 12:45 AM
Not liking the apparent Democratic leadership’s strategy of “well, dead people can’t vote against me”.
I don’t know if this is due to Marvel fatigue, but the only superhero costume we saw tonight was Batman, whose most recent credit was not showing up in “The Penguin” a year ago.
November 1, 2025 at 12:15 AM
I don’t know if this is due to Marvel fatigue, but the only superhero costume we saw tonight was Batman, whose most recent credit was not showing up in “The Penguin” a year ago.
RFK Jr. doesn’t want you to know this, but the correct post-covid-booster recovery sequence is purple then orange then blue gatorade.
October 26, 2025 at 6:01 PM
RFK Jr. doesn’t want you to know this, but the correct post-covid-booster recovery sequence is purple then orange then blue gatorade.
1970s:
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”
October 25, 2025 at 1:51 PM
1970s:
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”
Boomer 1: “Let’s refer to the kids today as Generation X.”
Boomer 2: “OK. But shouldn’t we start with an earlier letter? They might run out of things in a few generations.”
Boomer 1: “I don’t foresee that being a problem. Now, time to not leave positions of power for the next 50+ years.”