Andy-isms
@kearneybear.bsky.social
Married arch nemesis of an Atlanta area crime fighter.
I knew I had gotten too fat when I found three kids tying strings to me at the parade.
December 5, 2025 at 1:24 PM
I knew I had gotten too fat when I found three kids tying strings to me at the parade.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
December 5, 2025 at 1:20 PM
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood, until they move...
If you don't make him shake his head and regret marrying you at least once per day, you're doing it wrong.
December 5, 2025 at 1:19 PM
If you don't make him shake his head and regret marrying you at least once per day, you're doing it wrong.
Fun Game: Guess which felonies your local Christmas tree lot helper is wanted for.
December 5, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Fun Game: Guess which felonies your local Christmas tree lot helper is wanted for.
Finished making my mistletoe belt.
December 3, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Finished making my mistletoe belt.
[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
December 3, 2025 at 12:54 PM
[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
*Jesus raises bread* This is my body...
*raises wine* and this is my blood...
*pulls out 8 of Clubs from the deck* and this is your card...
*Apostles go nuts*
My husband's allowance day:
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."
December 3, 2025 at 12:51 PM
My husband's allowance day:
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."
I sprain my wrist furiously writing a check, tearing it from the checkbook and yelling "I trust this will suffice."
*knock knock*
Me: who's there?
Them: Police, open up we want to talk with you
Me. How many are you?
Them: 2
Me: Then talk to each other...
Me: who's there?
Them: Police, open up we want to talk with you
Me. How many are you?
Them: 2
Me: Then talk to each other...
November 30, 2025 at 2:18 PM
*knock knock*
Me: who's there?
Them: Police, open up we want to talk with you
Me. How many are you?
Them: 2
Me: Then talk to each other...
Me: who's there?
Them: Police, open up we want to talk with you
Me. How many are you?
Them: 2
Me: Then talk to each other...
It really sucks when you can't move forward, won't go back, and you don't want to stay where you are. I hate parallel parking.
November 30, 2025 at 2:17 PM
It really sucks when you can't move forward, won't go back, and you don't want to stay where you are. I hate parallel parking.
My super power is being attractive and funny. Just kidding. I'm not funny.
November 30, 2025 at 2:14 PM
My super power is being attractive and funny. Just kidding. I'm not funny.
I hate it when people steal quotes from movies.
It makes me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
It makes me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
November 29, 2025 at 12:30 PM
I hate it when people steal quotes from movies.
It makes me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
It makes me angry, and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
A Hallmark movie where their hands meet inside the turkey
November 29, 2025 at 12:29 PM
A Hallmark movie where their hands meet inside the turkey
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don't want myself to know about.
November 29, 2025 at 12:29 PM
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don't want myself to know about.
Texts from your dentist:
1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment
2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment!
3. I miss us lol
4. You're just gonna ignore me? lol. I've been in your mouth.
1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment
2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment!
3. I miss us lol
4. You're just gonna ignore me? lol. I've been in your mouth.
November 28, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Texts from your dentist:
1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment
2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment!
3. I miss us lol
4. You're just gonna ignore me? lol. I've been in your mouth.
1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment
2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment!
3. I miss us lol
4. You're just gonna ignore me? lol. I've been in your mouth.
My Sister: *standing on the edge of a bridge* I have nothing to live for! Don’t come any closer or I’ll jump!
Police: *on bullhorn* What about your cat? We brought him to see you, sending him in now.
*cat slowly pushes her off bridge*
Police: *on bullhorn* What about your cat? We brought him to see you, sending him in now.
*cat slowly pushes her off bridge*
November 28, 2025 at 1:57 PM
My Sister: *standing on the edge of a bridge* I have nothing to live for! Don’t come any closer or I’ll jump!
Police: *on bullhorn* What about your cat? We brought him to see you, sending him in now.
*cat slowly pushes her off bridge*
Police: *on bullhorn* What about your cat? We brought him to see you, sending him in now.
*cat slowly pushes her off bridge*
I only had one beer cupcake, may I call you cupcake?
No? Okay...
I only had one beer officer
No? Okay...
I only had one beer officer
November 28, 2025 at 1:51 PM
I only had one beer cupcake, may I call you cupcake?
No? Okay...
I only had one beer officer
No? Okay...
I only had one beer officer
So what if you can jog 10 miles without throwing up? I can make vulgar jokes and put my fist in my mouth, so I think we all know who Miss Congeniality really is.
November 28, 2025 at 1:48 PM
So what if you can jog 10 miles without throwing up? I can make vulgar jokes and put my fist in my mouth, so I think we all know who Miss Congeniality really is.
How much do I like coffee?
I like it a latte! HAHAHA!
That was stupid.
I like it a latte! HAHAHA!
That was stupid.
November 27, 2025 at 2:28 PM
How much do I like coffee?
I like it a latte! HAHAHA!
That was stupid.
I like it a latte! HAHAHA!
That was stupid.
Remember, kids: If you ever catch on fire 1) Open the door 2) Get on the floor 3) Everybody walk the dinosaur.
November 27, 2025 at 2:26 PM
Remember, kids: If you ever catch on fire 1) Open the door 2) Get on the floor 3) Everybody walk the dinosaur.
My husband told me he wants to see other people. So I let him open the blinds for a little while.
November 27, 2025 at 2:25 PM
My husband told me he wants to see other people. So I let him open the blinds for a little while.
Ladies? When making Thanksgiving dinner, do your giblets end up in the gravy? ....Or do you wear a bra when you cook? ...
November 26, 2025 at 8:16 PM
Ladies? When making Thanksgiving dinner, do your giblets end up in the gravy? ....Or do you wear a bra when you cook? ...
This guy who couldn't make up his mind at Starbucks turned around and asked me what he should get, I told him "Out of my way."
November 24, 2025 at 2:18 PM
This guy who couldn't make up his mind at Starbucks turned around and asked me what he should get, I told him "Out of my way."