Keith Bergman
@keithbergman.bsky.social
Walter Mitty in an Incantation t-shirt
It's gonna be sad in 2034 when there won't be any more data centers to process my sweet prompt for a picture of a Spirit Halloween inside an abandoned data center
November 26, 2025 at 2:58 AM
It's gonna be sad in 2034 when there won't be any more data centers to process my sweet prompt for a picture of a Spirit Halloween inside an abandoned data center
Sean Duffy telling us to dress nicer before we go to the dangerously understaffed airport reminds me that every day is like the Wacky Races but for seeing which incompetent soulless cardboard cutout of a Trump-fellating human can be the worst possible version of an adult with a job that news cycle
November 21, 2025 at 3:52 AM
Sean Duffy telling us to dress nicer before we go to the dangerously understaffed airport reminds me that every day is like the Wacky Races but for seeing which incompetent soulless cardboard cutout of a Trump-fellating human can be the worst possible version of an adult with a job that news cycle
Swastikas okay, beards a no-no. These new military policies sure are a triumph of the will.
November 20, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Swastikas okay, beards a no-no. These new military policies sure are a triumph of the will.
Actual footage of the guy a bunch of people voted for having a normal one
November 20, 2025 at 7:23 PM
Actual footage of the guy a bunch of people voted for having a normal one
I can say with certainty that the Founding Fathers that exist in the Mountain-Dew-infused Swiss cheese of my brain matter not only anticipated a President who yelled "quiet, piggy!" at the press while actively soiling his undergarments, they actively wished and hoped for such a destiny
November 18, 2025 at 5:04 PM
I can say with certainty that the Founding Fathers that exist in the Mountain-Dew-infused Swiss cheese of my brain matter not only anticipated a President who yelled "quiet, piggy!" at the press while actively soiling his undergarments, they actively wished and hoped for such a destiny
Bill Clinton had one more purpose to serve, kinda like Trashcan Man's final moment in The Stand.
November 14, 2025 at 11:56 PM
Bill Clinton had one more purpose to serve, kinda like Trashcan Man's final moment in The Stand.
When it came out that Trump soiled himself in court, MAGA wore diapers. Now that this Clinton story is making the rounds, I expect them to once again level up to prove their loyalty. In public this time, no crashing Grindr.
November 14, 2025 at 8:21 PM
When it came out that Trump soiled himself in court, MAGA wore diapers. Now that this Clinton story is making the rounds, I expect them to once again level up to prove their loyalty. In public this time, no crashing Grindr.
"But what about Bill Clinton???" - every MAGA pedopologist in the comments section
"What ABOUT Bill Clinton?" - Trump not that long ago
"What ABOUT Bill Clinton?" - Trump not that long ago
November 14, 2025 at 6:09 PM
"But what about Bill Clinton???" - every MAGA pedopologist in the comments section
"What ABOUT Bill Clinton?" - Trump not that long ago
"What ABOUT Bill Clinton?" - Trump not that long ago
I worry that My President is gonna get so distracted about all this Epstein Files business that he'll lose interest in extrajudicially murdering Venezuelans in boats or pardoning ultra-wealthy criminals or building colossal gold-plated mausoleums or randomly making up tariff numbers or playing golf
November 13, 2025 at 3:20 PM
I worry that My President is gonna get so distracted about all this Epstein Files business that he'll lose interest in extrajudicially murdering Venezuelans in boats or pardoning ultra-wealthy criminals or building colossal gold-plated mausoleums or randomly making up tariff numbers or playing golf
So basically the entire MAGA movement just catapulted rich pervs into power so they could race to tear down the guardrails and install themselves as permanent overlords before all their evil could be fully exposed. Y'all hated queers and bleeding hearts enough to put America into a woodchipper.
November 13, 2025 at 1:31 AM
So basically the entire MAGA movement just catapulted rich pervs into power so they could race to tear down the guardrails and install themselves as permanent overlords before all their evil could be fully exposed. Y'all hated queers and bleeding hearts enough to put America into a woodchipper.
They were singin' bye bye mister pedophile guy
Called the ladies in the Congress but he just got denied
And now Mike Johnson's gotta think on the fly
Sayin', he was never my ride-or-die
Trump was never my ride-or-diiiiiiieeeeeee...
Called the ladies in the Congress but he just got denied
And now Mike Johnson's gotta think on the fly
Sayin', he was never my ride-or-die
Trump was never my ride-or-diiiiiiieeeeeee...
November 12, 2025 at 11:09 PM
They were singin' bye bye mister pedophile guy
Called the ladies in the Congress but he just got denied
And now Mike Johnson's gotta think on the fly
Sayin', he was never my ride-or-die
Trump was never my ride-or-diiiiiiieeeeeee...
Called the ladies in the Congress but he just got denied
And now Mike Johnson's gotta think on the fly
Sayin', he was never my ride-or-die
Trump was never my ride-or-diiiiiiieeeeeee...
New Epstein emails just dropped, so small-to-mid-size countries around the world, get ready for some completely arbitrary harassment and tariff noise!
November 12, 2025 at 3:31 PM
New Epstein emails just dropped, so small-to-mid-size countries around the world, get ready for some completely arbitrary harassment and tariff noise!
MIKE JOHNSON: I'm begging You on bended knee for guidance in my darkest hour. Tomorrow I have to do my job and it's going to displease You. I need an out. I hoped the shutdown would last forever.
TRUMP: there's a shopping plaza called Miracle Mile in Chicago full of illegal Democrats stealing TVs
TRUMP: there's a shopping plaza called Miracle Mile in Chicago full of illegal Democrats stealing TVs
November 12, 2025 at 1:05 AM
MIKE JOHNSON: I'm begging You on bended knee for guidance in my darkest hour. Tomorrow I have to do my job and it's going to displease You. I need an out. I hoped the shutdown would last forever.
TRUMP: there's a shopping plaza called Miracle Mile in Chicago full of illegal Democrats stealing TVs
TRUMP: there's a shopping plaza called Miracle Mile in Chicago full of illegal Democrats stealing TVs
Good news, married gay friends! You can now stay married until you die of no healthcare!
November 10, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Good news, married gay friends! You can now stay married until you die of no healthcare!
Up to 40% of buildings with expensive sprinkler systems never even burn down. Republicans are committed to ending the fraud perpetuated by Big Sprinkler and making buildings truly affordable.
November 10, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Up to 40% of buildings with expensive sprinkler systems never even burn down. Republicans are committed to ending the fraud perpetuated by Big Sprinkler and making buildings truly affordable.
You see one lady with acrylic nails using an EBT card and it's your go-to story for thirty years. Fifty of your neighbors tell you their insurance premiums just quadrupled and you can't be bothered with these little outlier stories.
November 10, 2025 at 3:59 PM
You see one lady with acrylic nails using an EBT card and it's your go-to story for thirty years. Fifty of your neighbors tell you their insurance premiums just quadrupled and you can't be bothered with these little outlier stories.
Before you rush to judgement about the Senate Democrats caving on ACA subsidies for no new ground at all, have you stopped to consider they are very bad at their jobs
November 10, 2025 at 3:08 AM
Before you rush to judgement about the Senate Democrats caving on ACA subsidies for no new ground at all, have you stopped to consider they are very bad at their jobs
With apologies to Monty Python:
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
November 7, 2025 at 6:03 PM
With apologies to Monty Python:
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
[Staffer, noticing Trump slumped over] He's not dead! He's just pinin' for the fjourteen-year-olds!
[me sexting while Dr. Oz is muted on TV] sup girl, just lost my 400 Trump pounds, wanna get together and make some Trump babies before the midterms
November 7, 2025 at 5:57 PM
[me sexting while Dr. Oz is muted on TV] sup girl, just lost my 400 Trump pounds, wanna get together and make some Trump babies before the midterms
Petition to make salami subs the official Thanksgiving dinner of post-MAGA 2025. I'll make some at my house if you can't get to your family because our entire government is too weaponized against outing a pedophile to pay your air traffic controller.
November 7, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Petition to make salami subs the official Thanksgiving dinner of post-MAGA 2025. I'll make some at my house if you can't get to your family because our entire government is too weaponized against outing a pedophile to pay your air traffic controller.
no babe I'm sure you ARE the greatest country on earth it's just weird that you have to be ordered by a judge to give detainees soap and toilet paper and menstrual products and let them take showers
November 6, 2025 at 2:14 PM
no babe I'm sure you ARE the greatest country on earth it's just weird that you have to be ordered by a judge to give detainees soap and toilet paper and menstrual products and let them take showers
Why couldn’t they call it Nights 6-10 At Freddy’s
November 5, 2025 at 10:13 PM
Why couldn’t they call it Nights 6-10 At Freddy’s
Waiting for all the existential crises and depraved cruelty to end in this world so I can devote my remaining years to researching why Asia did the weird fade-out ending in "Only Time Will Tell."
November 5, 2025 at 8:13 PM
Waiting for all the existential crises and depraved cruelty to end in this world so I can devote my remaining years to researching why Asia did the weird fade-out ending in "Only Time Will Tell."