Author | Lightnews

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · 4d

I frequently forget about posting on socials until I do something stupid like take two extra strength mucinex by mistake, then I have a desire to share my mishap with the void.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · 23d

Thank you!

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · 24d

Do you have a newsletter or email blast with updates? I’d love to read your book.

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · 25d

Tell me how old you are without telling me. I’ll go first:
I remember when you had to start dialing the area code along with the 7 digit phone number.

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · 28d

The man standing behind me in this coffee line is so close he’s hit me twice just from fidgeting.
Sir, it’s ok to leave some room for Jesus.

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Sep 26

I have 6 packages of pancake mix in my cupboard in various states of use.
I don’t remember buying or using any of them.

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Sep 17

Here’s what I don’t understand about businesses supporting billionaires. There are 3k of them worldwide but billions of people who could be middle class with living wages.
Billionaires won’t sustain your businesses long term but a robust middle class could. Why tank your own customer base?

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Sep 16

There is very little that’s as excruciating as trying to explain literally anything on the internet to your boomer parents.
No, mom, I don’t know where your Facebook event is or why it isn’t posting.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Sep 16

I love NYC Midnight challenges. They’re always so fun!
Are you up for a scary writing challenge? Join me in the @nycmidnight.bsky.social Scary Story Challenge on October 31st! Learn more at nycmidnight.com/scary

Scary Story Challenge — nycmidnight

The Scary Story Challenge is a creative writing competition that challenges writers worldwide to create scary short stories based on assigned prompts in 48 hours.

nycmidnight.com

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Sep 9

Things I did this past weekend:
• Cook and can a ridiculous amount of produce
• Watch multiple videos on canning meat
• Pitched to several more freelance opportunities
• Wrote more episodes of the vertical drama I’m creating with an LA based director

Keeping busy while I find my next paycheck

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Sep 8

I’m not saying my neighbors are human traffickers, but there’s a constant stream of young women we never see again so…

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Sep 4

Sometimes all I want from this life is for the cooked onions to taste as good as they smell

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Aug 25

Shout out to the married lesbians from rural Georgia we met at the Backstreet Boys concert in Vegas this weekend. They detailed, with glee, how much effort they put into vexing their MAGA ex-husbands 😆
Stay safe, ladies. And remain a nuisance to those men.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Aug 20

Sometimes people in movies who hate each other have to be on the same side and I’ve never understood that emotion more than having to side with my friend’s almost ex husband because shes doing something crazy.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Aug 6

The house full of single guys behind our house uses our driveway to access their place. This means we get to see every single girl they escort out.

There’s never been the same one twice.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Aug 6

My 14 yr old shih tzu has dementia and keeps forgetting he had dinner. He barks incessantly when he thinks it’s dinner time.
After 2 dinners, 3 bowls of water, a trip outside to do his business, and some doggo cookies he finally got some special peanut butter.
Shout out to special peanut butter.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 31

Having brunch with my mom & kid in Redondo Beach and the rich old ladies behind us are criticizing their friend’s husband’s mistress because she accepted a second house from him.

Get that bag, sweetheart.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 30

I’ve had a weird day.

My husband’s paycheck bounced.
I got in a fight with an old white lady who said really racist stuff to my friend.
My city is under a tsunami watch from a Russian earthquake.

I need an edible and a nap.

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 29

If you want a truly unhinged movie going experience, check out a morning movie on a random week day.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 27

Dear LA,
I will never complain about traffic, parking availability, or the cost of parking ever again. You are beautiful, and I love you.

San Francisco - get your shit together.

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 25

I get irrationally angry when I leave LA and things are more expensive at the place I’m visiting. At least at home I expect to be ripped off, but how dare this small town charge more for gas than the Shell at Fairfax & Olympic.

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MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 24

I’ve had a celiac diagnosis for so long that I don’t worry about going places and eating because there are snacks in my purse.

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 21

Me, standing in the grocery store with a list of Caesar salad dressing ingredients in front of me clear as day.
“Ah, yes, the sardines I need to make this dressing.”
🤦🏻‍♀️
In case anyone’s wondering, sardine Caesar isn’t that bad.
#caesarsalad #whatdidido

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 17

I’m LOVING this trend of playing the songs you listened to in high school for your teenagers. Pretty sure the kid is traumatized after hearing me sing Fantasy by Ludacris 😆

MaryTheWriter @marythewriter.bsky.social · Jul 8

My 17 yr old asked for the parental restrictions to be taken off her phone so we made a deal: get up before 11am every day (even if you don’t have work) and do one non-screen related activity.
This is day 3 of getting a 10:45am text saying she’s awake 😆