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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · 1d

My long-term dating goals are to become marginally funny enough to be a permanent cast member on SNL, become close with one of the weekly guest stars, and then eventually marry her. You know, like what Colin Jost did.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · 3d

The toxic masculinity calls out to me like Gollum speaking to Smeagol whenever I see a grown man in public listening to Ed Sheeran.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · 3d

A Swiftie friend just posted on FB saying "Taylor Swift haters have as much cognitive dissonance as MAGA," and then said they claimed Swifties were cultists who couldn't take criticism. Like, who just likened people who don't like Taylor Swift to literal Nazis, homie?

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · 7d

Me: -sends FB friend request to literally my brother's wife-
FB: Hmmmmmm, looks like you might not know this person :)))))))
Me: -sends FB friend request to rando with zero mutuals because she liked a meme I posted-
FB: Looks good, chief.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · 11d

How long will you be there, what's your budget? Frankly, if you hang out around the Acropolis, you can just chill out with cats all day.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 17

Would be cool if someone fell deeply and irrevocably in love with me, but no pressure

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 15

Remember, guys, anyone showing sympathy for Kirk is sympathizing for a Nazi and is therefore, by definition, a Nazi sympathizer.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 14

I knew there was a reason we got along so well

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 14

SO MUCH FOR THE TOLERANT LEFT

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 14

idk homie I don't think it's gonna catch on

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 10

"What are your fantasies, Steven?"
"So she's the heiress to an ill-begotten railway empire, and I'm a smooth-talking hobo who would be more charming if I bathed every now and again, and-"

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 7

Every time I see a beautiful woman with wavy hair, I remember ramen noodles and then I fall in love.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 5

I bet you do a bird heist at the Tower of London.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 5

Sex ed was wrong and useless. I put a condom on a banana, and my girlfriend still got pregnant.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 2

If Ed Sheeran has a million enemies, I am one of them. If Ed Sheeran has one enemy, it is me. If Ed Sheeran has no enemies, I am dead.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 1

"His ex-girlfriend was his best man at our wedding."

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 1

Commissioning my ex to crochet a birthday present for a friend I have a crush on because she lives in the States and can ship domestically. I swear, whoever I settle down with is going to have so many hilarious stories to tell our families about all my kooky schemes.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Sep 1

In fairness to yourself, day-long improv workshops are serious business and so fucking exhausting.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Aug 31

Florence + The Machine are playing in Prague in March, but I'm a straight guy and can't go without a lesbian chaperone.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Aug 31

YouTube Music keeps autoplaying "Rainbow Connection" as performed by Kermit the Frog. This is the opposite of a problem.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Aug 30

Legit she seems so happy, and she's had a rough go at life, so it's been so cool to watch her settle into some kind of stability and normalcy. That kid is so lucky to have her as a mom.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Aug 30

I'm a big enough man to admit that Jurassic World Rebirth was actually really, really good.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Feb 6

New Jurassic World trailer dropped, and I am so mad. Why am I so mad about this? It's absurd how mad I am about this.

Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Aug 30

No hits yet on my new Tinder bio. Tell me I'm doing a good job, @samreich.bsky.social

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Aug 30

The egirl I befriended who made it a huge event on her OnlyFans when she put a cucumber in her ass five years ago just had her first child and I couldn't be happier for her.

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Steven Christopher McKnight @mcknights.bsky.social · Aug 30

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