Author | Lightnews

Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 18h

I think wearing socks with sandals should affect your credit score.

Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 1d

I wish my Detroit Tigers had made it past the playoffs and won it all, but that was easily the most exciting World Series I’ve seen in DECADES. Reminded me why I love baseball…
And Yamamoto and Ohtani deserve multi-billion dollar contracts.
They’re incredible.

Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 1d

How old am I?
I remember when math was called arithmetic.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 2d

#fbf Since it’s Halloween, here’s a pic of me from back in the Liquid Kitty days as a deranged serial killer school bus driver with a drinking problem.
Happy Halloween!

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 3d

Not a single job has ever asked to see my diploma. I could’ve just lied about it. I did not need that crap.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 4d

I weigh myself naked. If you have a problem with that, go to a different Walmart.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 5d

Rest in peace to British comedy icon Prunella Scales… Fawlty Towers was one of my FAVORITE shows growing up.
#prunellascales #british #comedy #icon #fawltytowers #rip #restinpeace

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 5d

I know many have done this before, but I just yelled "REGULATORS!!!” at the Burbank Mall and nobody yelled "MOUNT UP!!!”
I hate it here.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 6d

You can get out of jury duty by asking “do I get paid more for a guilty or innocent verdict?”

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 7d

Since today’s my birthday, here’s a pic of me back home in Hawaii chilling in my badass ride waiting for my sippy cup. Some things never change.
If you’d like to chip in to get me a B-day drink, hit those Venmo and PayPal QR code. LETS PARTY!!!

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 8d

If the cops say "Hang Tight" and give the roof of your car a little pat, you're going to jail.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 9d

We need more Bobby Knights going apeshit in basketball…

Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 10d

Rest in peace to one of the Kings of synth and cofounder of one of my favorite bands, Soft Cell, Dave Ball
#daveball #softcell #synth #synthwave #synthpop #newwave #rip #restinpeace

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 11d

Subway has the nerve asking for a tip! Dude we made this sandwich together!

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 12d

My therapist: “You seem to pursue damaged people to try to fix them.”

Me: “Well, don’t you do the same thing?”

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 13d

So are we just going to ignore the fact that everyone has a favorite stovetop burner, and no one talks about it.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 14d

I think you’d be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say, "guess what?”

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 15d

Trump and ICE can kiss my ass!
#nokingsday #sfv #losangeles #protest #keepfighting

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 16d

The fact that someone long ago looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 17d

Damnit! We’ve lost a guitar hero today… Rest in peace Ace Frehley.

Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 18d

Why rush to work when you're already late? Stop and get you a McDonald’s milkshake or something.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 20d

It’s like Pandora’s Box!

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 21d

You never know what I have up my sleeve. For example, today it was a dryer sheet.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 22d

Charcuterie boards are just fancy lunchables for white people.

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Mike Turski @miketurski.bsky.social · 23d

I never laugh AT marching bands, I laugh WITH them. They already know they're ridiculous.

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