Author | Lightnews

Michael

Michael

@minealone6.bsky.social

120 followers 700 following 190 posts

I dabble in the comedies. Amateurishly funny. Second-rate comedian. Fair to middling joke writer. Likes - pizza, chili, pumping Iron, a good cigar, a bad cigar, traveling, cats, candy (specially Snickers), old Popeye cartoons, cookies and milk, hotdogs.

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Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 3d

🧛🦇 Had a big helping of garlic bread last night, so I'm happy to announce, still not a vampire! 🦇🧛

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 6d

👹Just saw an advertisement for a "sexy Chewbacca" costume. There's a lot of qualities I find attractive in a woman, but hairy and growling aren't on the list.

Although... 🤔

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 6d

You ever been so sad, that wondering around and people watching at a backwoods Walmart after midnight, doesn't even cheer you up?

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 6d

Ok, I was thinking about what I should dress up as for Halloween, and I've got an idea, but wanted to ask everybody first and see what's y'alls thoughts were.

🎃 So, yea or nay on sexy pumpkin? Good idea or am I just out of my gourd? Should I do it, or squash the idea? 🎃

Sexy Burger King then?

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 6d

I wash my dishes with all natural cleaners!

....I throw them outside and let the possums and raccoons lick them clean.
🦝

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 10d

Well it's almost that time of year!
.
.
.
.
....where I constantly complain about the cold weather....
🥶

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

🦜She's covered in bird droppings!

🐦

🐦‍⬛ I wonder what my car did to scare the crap out of all those birds perched above it? 🕊️

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

You know you've had too much caffeine when you yell "MINE!" before the ball is even served!
☕ #Volleyball 🏐

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

If you want people to leave you alone, just wear a shirt that says "Property of County Psychiatric Ward".

Works for me.

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

I've been on Facebook for 14 years, and all I have to show for it is the shame....

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

When I get around my dad, my smartassness tends to flare up really bad.... 😄

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

Hot Gal: Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you help me move some furniture this weekend?
Me: *sly smile & raises eyebrows* Oh I'll help you move some furniture....you mean, like your bed and mattress!
Hot Gal: What? Ew! No! Gross! You know what? Never mind, I'll ask somebody else!

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

🌿🌱🌾 I can't see how tall the grass is in my neighbor's yard, because the grass in my yard is blocking my view. 🌾🌱🌿

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 13d

Got home, put my key in the door, walked inside, set my bag on the floor, took a deep breath and said.....

"It smells like BROKE in here!"

#Inflation #PoorBoy 💸

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 22d

Jeez! Since it's getting cooler, I guess they're trying to get inside. Around my place the stink bugs are everywhe...

*sniffs *

...oh, dude, really?

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 22d

Got home, put my key in the door, walked inside, set my bag on the floor, took a deep breath and said.....

"It smells like BROKE in here!"

#Inflation #PoorBoy 💸

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 24d

*After stopping by to pick up desert for everybody*

Me: I couldn't find any "almond bark and pumpkin spice cheesecake" donuts. I guess a bunch of White girls got there before I did.
🍩

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 24d

"Haha, I'm still young" I say as I email the tournament director, asking if they would consider having a dinosaur division....
🦕

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 28d

I hate to admit it, but the way things have been going, I thought the government *already* was shut down!
🇺🇲 #PoliticalPost 🦅 #Republican 🗳️ #Democrat

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · 28d

🪲 "HOLY CRAP! Ain't no way I'm going in there! Even I have standards, yo!"
~ What stinkbugs say when they see my place 🪲

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · Sep 29

🍂 One of my favorite fall activities, is complaining that summer is over. 🍁

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · Sep 29

🧈 ....no, I love *you*, pancakes and syrup! 🥞

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · Sep 29

At first I thought I had a mold problem in my place....

But then I realized that things have progressed a lot farther, to the point, that the mold has a human problem in *its* place....

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · Sep 29

What do you mean we're supposed to be rapturing? Nobody told me we were supposed to be rapturing last week!

If I would have known, I would've been making jokes like there was no tomorrow!

Michael @minealone6.bsky.social · Sep 23

I was slowly, carefully, shaving my pubes, and being careful not to accidentally nick myself. Then all of a sudden, a stink bug COMES FLYING OUT OF NOWHERE AND SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME!
🩸
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So anyway, can someone pick me up from the ER?