J. R. Eldridge
@misreadbible.bsky.social
British satirical author and creator of The MisreadBible series, which parodies the Bible with irreverent wit and a dash of theological side-eye.
https://www.misreadbible.com
https://www.misreadbible.com
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J. R. Eldridge
@misreadbible.bsky.social
· Sep 30
The MisreadBible Book Series
Explore The MisreadBible series — a collection of irreverent biblical parodies by J. R. Eldridge. Discover each book’s blasphemous brilliance, formats, and where to buy.
www.misreadbible.com
If you've been enjoying my posts, you'll love my books. Available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook (*).
The MisreadBible: Genesis*
A MisreadBible Christmas*
The MisreadBible: Book of Moses*
The MisreadBible: Gospel
The MisreadBible: Joshua
www.misreadbible.com/books
The MisreadBible: Genesis*
A MisreadBible Christmas*
The MisreadBible: Book of Moses*
The MisreadBible: Gospel
The MisreadBible: Joshua
www.misreadbible.com/books
Had an electrician here today replacing the sockets, switches, and some light fixtures. You know how they sometimes give light intensity in candlepower? The new one in my kitchen is rated ‘brighter than the glow of 1,000 suns!!’
I live on the coast. I’m worried I’m going to lure ships to their doom!
I live on the coast. I’m worried I’m going to lure ships to their doom!
December 9, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Had an electrician here today replacing the sockets, switches, and some light fixtures. You know how they sometimes give light intensity in candlepower? The new one in my kitchen is rated ‘brighter than the glow of 1,000 suns!!’
I live on the coast. I’m worried I’m going to lure ships to their doom!
I live on the coast. I’m worried I’m going to lure ships to their doom!
Because when I’m rushing long distances between gates, pulling heavy luggage, I always think, ‘Gee, if only I were getting exercise right now.’
Duffy on what he's doing to improve the airport experience for travelers: "Maybe I want a workout area where people might get some blood flowing doing some pull ups or step ups in the airport."
December 9, 2025 at 2:58 AM
Because when I’m rushing long distances between gates, pulling heavy luggage, I always think, ‘Gee, if only I were getting exercise right now.’
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. And those who rebel against him? The worms that eat them will not die, the fire that burns them will not be quenched, and they will be loathsome to all mankind! - 1 John 4:7; Isaiah 66:24
December 9, 2025 at 1:30 AM
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. And those who rebel against him? The worms that eat them will not die, the fire that burns them will not be quenched, and they will be loathsome to all mankind! - 1 John 4:7; Isaiah 66:24
A voice calls out in the wilderness, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord!’ But, unfortunately, in the wilderness, nobody can hear you proselytise… - Isaiah 40:3
December 9, 2025 at 1:00 AM
A voice calls out in the wilderness, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord!’ But, unfortunately, in the wilderness, nobody can hear you proselytise… - Isaiah 40:3
‘Woe to the obstinate children,’ declares the Lord, ‘to those who carry out plans that are not mine. Who the fuck told you you could think for yourselves?!’ - Isaiah 30:1-2
December 9, 2025 at 12:30 AM
‘Woe to the obstinate children,’ declares the Lord, ‘to those who carry out plans that are not mine. Who the fuck told you you could think for yourselves?!’ - Isaiah 30:1-2
The wolf will lie with the lamb, the leopard will lie with the goat, the calf and the lion and the pony will lie together; and the animal orgy will be biblical! - Isaiah 11:6
December 9, 2025 at 12:00 AM
The wolf will lie with the lamb, the leopard will lie with the goat, the calf and the lion and the pony will lie together; and the animal orgy will be biblical! - Isaiah 11:6
The Spirit of the Lord will come to rest on Jesse, and there will come forth a rod from the stern of Jesse. And the Lord will say, ‘Yeah, you like that bitch!’ - Isaiah 11:1-2
December 8, 2025 at 11:30 PM
The Spirit of the Lord will come to rest on Jesse, and there will come forth a rod from the stern of Jesse. And the Lord will say, ‘Yeah, you like that bitch!’ - Isaiah 11:1-2
Then Isaiah told King Ahaz, ‘Therefore the Lord will give you a sign: a girl who is a virgin due to a mistranslation of this verse in Greek, will give birth to a son and name him Immanuel, but never actually call him that and instead call him Jesus, around 700 years in the future,
December 8, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Then Isaiah told King Ahaz, ‘Therefore the Lord will give you a sign: a girl who is a virgin due to a mistranslation of this verse in Greek, will give birth to a son and name him Immanuel, but never actually call him that and instead call him Jesus, around 700 years in the future,
Reposted by J. R. Eldridge
You will be ashamed because of the sacred oaks in which you have delighted! Seriously, what kind of man makes love to a tree? – Isaiah 1:29
December 8, 2025 at 10:30 PM
You will be ashamed because of the sacred oaks in which you have delighted! Seriously, what kind of man makes love to a tree? – Isaiah 1:29
The Lord said, ‘Therefore, the Mighty One of Israel, declares: “I will vent my wrath on my foes and avenge myself on my enemies. I will douse them all with my righteous seed and…!”’
‘Erm…’ interrupted Isaiah, ‘you’re starting to sound kind of sexually aggressive.’ – Isaiah 1:24
‘Erm…’ interrupted Isaiah, ‘you’re starting to sound kind of sexually aggressive.’ – Isaiah 1:24
December 8, 2025 at 10:00 PM
The Lord said, ‘Therefore, the Mighty One of Israel, declares: “I will vent my wrath on my foes and avenge myself on my enemies. I will douse them all with my righteous seed and…!”’
‘Erm…’ interrupted Isaiah, ‘you’re starting to sound kind of sexually aggressive.’ – Isaiah 1:24
‘Erm…’ interrupted Isaiah, ‘you’re starting to sound kind of sexually aggressive.’ – Isaiah 1:24
When you spread out your hands in prayer, I hide my eyes from you. But when you lower them again, I appear and say, ‘Peekaboo!’ – Isaiah 1:15
December 8, 2025 at 9:30 PM
When you spread out your hands in prayer, I hide my eyes from you. But when you lower them again, I appear and say, ‘Peekaboo!’ – Isaiah 1:15
I can’t bear your worthless assemblies. Your New Moon feasts and your festivals… I detest them with all of my being. You always make those little quiches even though I hate them. And why do you always invite your friends? You never invite anyone I like! – Isaiah 1:14
December 8, 2025 at 9:00 PM
I can’t bear your worthless assemblies. Your New Moon feasts and your festivals… I detest them with all of my being. You always make those little quiches even though I hate them. And why do you always invite your friends? You never invite anyone I like! – Isaiah 1:14
The Lord said, ‘I’m tired of burnt offerings, of rams and animal fat; I take no pleasure in the blood of bulls, lambs, and goats.’
‘What do you want instead?’ asked Isaiah.
‘How about a nice salad?’
‘Really?’
‘Ha ha, just kidding; I love the taste of animal death!’ – Isaiah 1:11
‘What do you want instead?’ asked Isaiah.
‘How about a nice salad?’
‘Really?’
‘Ha ha, just kidding; I love the taste of animal death!’ – Isaiah 1:11
December 6, 2025 at 1:30 AM
The Lord said, ‘I’m tired of burnt offerings, of rams and animal fat; I take no pleasure in the blood of bulls, lambs, and goats.’
‘What do you want instead?’ asked Isaiah.
‘How about a nice salad?’
‘Really?’
‘Ha ha, just kidding; I love the taste of animal death!’ – Isaiah 1:11
‘What do you want instead?’ asked Isaiah.
‘How about a nice salad?’
‘Really?’
‘Ha ha, just kidding; I love the taste of animal death!’ – Isaiah 1:11
The Lord said, ‘Your daughter Zion is left like a hut in a cucumber field!’
Isaiah replied, ‘What does that even mean?’
‘She’s small and plain but surrounded by engorged protuberances!’ – Isaiah 1:8
Isaiah replied, ‘What does that even mean?’
‘She’s small and plain but surrounded by engorged protuberances!’ – Isaiah 1:8
December 6, 2025 at 1:00 AM
The Lord said, ‘Your daughter Zion is left like a hut in a cucumber field!’
Isaiah replied, ‘What does that even mean?’
‘She’s small and plain but surrounded by engorged protuberances!’ – Isaiah 1:8
Isaiah replied, ‘What does that even mean?’
‘She’s small and plain but surrounded by engorged protuberances!’ – Isaiah 1:8
Your country is desolate, your towns are burning, and crime in the inner cities is getting out of hand. And why? It’s the bloody immigrants! So, you must build a wall and make Assyria pay for it! – Isaiah 1:7
December 6, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Your country is desolate, your towns are burning, and crime in the inner cities is getting out of hand. And why? It’s the bloody immigrants! So, you must build a wall and make Assyria pay for it! – Isaiah 1:7
You’re sick in the head and cold hearted. From the sole of your foot to the top of your head, you’re covered in icky scabs. You dress like circus clown; your makeup looks like it was applied with a trowel… In short, you’re a hot mess and I won’t sleep with you. – Isaiah 1:5-6
December 6, 2025 at 12:00 AM
You’re sick in the head and cold hearted. From the sole of your foot to the top of your head, you’re covered in icky scabs. You dress like circus clown; your makeup looks like it was applied with a trowel… In short, you’re a hot mess and I won’t sleep with you. – Isaiah 1:5-6
Hear me, you heavens! Listen, Earth! I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me. They gave me a homemade ashtray for my birthday, and I don’t even smoke! - Isaiah 1:2
December 5, 2025 at 11:30 PM
Hear me, you heavens! Listen, Earth! I reared children and brought them up, but they have rebelled against me. They gave me a homemade ashtray for my birthday, and I don’t even smoke! - Isaiah 1:2
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon. It’s long and narrow, and I’ve seen soldiers shading under it at midday. – Song of Solomon 7:5
December 5, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon. It’s long and narrow, and I’ve seen soldiers shading under it at midday. – Song of Solomon 7:5
I went down to my lover’s garden of nuts to see whether his vine had budded! – Song of Solomon 6:11
December 5, 2025 at 10:30 PM
I went down to my lover’s garden of nuts to see whether his vine had budded! – Song of Solomon 6:11
Why the fuck is the governing body of a sport giving out ‘peace prizes’, and why do they enjoy the taste of Trump’s rectum so much?
December 5, 2025 at 10:20 PM
Why the fuck is the governing body of a sport giving out ‘peace prizes’, and why do they enjoy the taste of Trump’s rectum so much?
O my love, you are as beautiful, and as awesome as an army with flags! Just imagine how awesome an army is; now think of it with flags. That’s pretty fucking awesome! – Song of Solomon 6:4
December 5, 2025 at 10:00 PM
O my love, you are as beautiful, and as awesome as an army with flags! Just imagine how awesome an army is; now think of it with flags. That’s pretty fucking awesome! – Song of Solomon 6:4
Move south, my blustery lover. I want to feel your wind on my lady garden. Blow it gently until my spicy water flows and then eat its fruit. – Solomon 4:16
December 5, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Move south, my blustery lover. I want to feel your wind on my lady garden. Blow it gently until my spicy water flows and then eat its fruit. – Solomon 4:16
You are so beautiful, my love, and not at all pimply! – Song of Solomon 4:7
December 5, 2025 at 9:00 PM
You are so beautiful, my love, and not at all pimply! – Song of Solomon 4:7
No, you can’t park there, mate.
December 5, 2025 at 10:20 AM
No, you can’t park there, mate.