Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 3d

We didn't put up any Halloween decorations, those skulls just kind of accumulate as a side effect of our particular business model.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 7d

Mr. D only started Rax as a way to impress Slender Man.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 8d

See, we don't want customers. Mr. D only operates this joint as a venue for his hobo crack orgies, and it's embarrassing when you show up and stare without participating.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 12d

Our Raxopoly promotions have never done well. Maybe it's because no one wants to get a game piece featuring scenic locales like Huntington Meth Lab, Circleville Solid Waste Treatment Works, or Mr. D's Wankin' Bushes. Or because you can only trade them for food from Rax.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 13d

When most people hear the words "human toilet snuff film," they naturally think of Rax. But did you know we serve food, too? That's right, come for the taboo filth that cost you your marriage; stay for the brined wad that's somehow a worse crime!

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 17d

Mr. D is reinventing himself as alpha male influencer Dr. Raxtosterone, aka the Wad King. Observe the manly manner in which he subsists upon nothing but Rax's rubbery grey wad, which imbues him with MACHO POWER! *Note that Dr. Raxtosterone is not a doctor, even if he does recreationally use ether.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 17d

Mr. D predicts the Raxture will happen today, September 24th, in everyone's gastrointestinal system. At least, if you eat here.

Rax: You'll pray for it to end

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 18d

Some people call Mr. D the "Butcher of Ironton." Not because he serves meat, but because he's straight up murdered the concept of running a restaurant properly.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 20d

We're kind of like a Rainforest Cafe, since our roof collapsed and th place is filled with vines and wild animals.

2

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 22d

If your food moves, that just means it's extra fresh. Like Mr. D himself has been accused of by multiple parole officers.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · 25d

When Mr. D gets bored, he likes to call animal control on Chuck E. Cheese.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 9

Mr. D isn't always a raging alcoholic. Sometimes he's a sullen, or passed-out alcoholic.

Rax: Employability is a Spectrum

1

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 8

You want to speak to the manager? Sorry lady, Mr. D is the manager. And if he didn't put on pants for his trial, he's not about to start now.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 8

Mr. D thought our adult Mpreg Meals would perform better than Mr. D himself does in bed. Sadly, both he and the food have been described as soggy and offputting.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 5

If you're asking us to at least wipe down the booth where Mr. Belvedere died, we cant do that - it's a historical landmark! And a crime scene.

1 2

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 5

We can't get the blood stains off the Rax Octagon of Dismemberment, so we're just incorporating them into a ketchup-themed mural.

1

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 4

Mr. D admits his staged so many America's Funniest Home Video entries where he was hit in the crotch with a football. Don't kink shame him. At least, not for this.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 4

It's time for us to play Mr. D's favorite game!
Is it chicken, beef, or millipedes?
Give it your best guess, put your tastebuds to the test
You'll blush once you're told what you put in your face hole!
Face the cold hard facts, about what you ate at Rax
Yee-haw, it's time to round us up a RaxMatch!

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 4

It's the game show where you have to convince six washed-up celebs what ingredients you just tasted in your Rax meal. If you're right, you all win fabulous prizes! But if you guess wrong, you have to eat the food! Mr. D's Rowdy RaxMatch Roundup is coming to a desperate streaming service near you!

1

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 4

Mr. D will be performing his extremely off-color standup routine down at Guffawz on Route 22 in Circleville tonight. Please throw food at him; he needs it to eat. You think he keeps his trim, living figure by eating at Rax?

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Sep 4

You think we could rack up some sales by offering to sell food to all the people protesting outside our restaurants daily?

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Aug 30

If you don't like the stains on everything here, you're welcome to cover them up with totally new ones.

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Aug 25

Critics may not have liked it, but Mr. D's 2005 sitcom "How I Sniffed Your Mother" was the best 9317 hours of entertainment SpikeTV ever aired. It's hard to maintain consistent quality across all those episodes, but somehow we managed to never improve.

1

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Aug 25

Our meat isn't colorless and bland, it's Millennial Gray.

Rax: Dystopian Food, for Dystopian Times

Mr. Delicious @misterdelicious.bsky.social · Aug 25

We may not have many physical locations. But whenever you struggle to swallow something you're not quite sure about, in your heart, you're at a Rax.