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mnshkh.bsky.social
@mnshkh.bsky.social
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sometimes i wonder if ive really gotten better with handling the ambiguous disorder but it becomes more clear as time goes on that ive kind of just made the connection of never reaching out -> rarely getting the chance to get unreasonably upset about things and ran with it
it is a shame my brains response to [celibacy gif] Unregulated Emotional Response is to just remove all chances for that response to happen. bc that means just waiting for things to happen around me bc if i ask for something and dont get the right response i have a meltdown or whatever. cringe!
bwehhhh . i wish i was better at like. asking things of people not even necessarily in a help way but even just asking to hang out or do certain things together. little miss dont speak unless spoken to reigns supreme
however i wish it did not come at the expense of me actually sleeping at night
they werent lying being productive in the morning and going outside is a good way to start your day
it is of course my fault im in this situation
bc i dont have a card to put money on it. and we dont have a landline and the idea of asking to use my mothers phone makes me want to [ ] and the entire thought of dealing with my bank makes me panic so badly bc of how much my mother has been on my ass about it for so long
everything is a cruel cycle . im almost out of cash (and will be entirely out after tomorrow bc i have to pay for my food at my brothers birthday meal) but i still havent sorted out my card so i cant get more out. but im pretty sure i need to call for my card but i dont have money on my phone
i better start getting used to waking up before 6am every fucking weekend i guess
sorry she just drives me fucking insane. im seriously not allowed to have a single problem with literally anything she does or she goes down a fucking laundry list of shit shes made up about me and/or anything about me she deems okay to belittle me for. and then always claims shes such a good mother
brought it up to her and she got pissed off at me thats so awesome. grown ass woman bitching about being told she actually needs to train her dog for him to learn anything. just making shit up about me in the most bad faith way possible so she can get mad at me for my reasonable request
unless i can convince her to start training him in any capacity. but i wouldnt be surprised if she just dismisses it and allows my life to continue being disrupted by a dog i was vehemently against getting for many reasons this being a big one
my mother has now gotten a job that requires her to leave the house before 6am which means im also no longer going to sleep past that time whenever she works bc she refuses to do anything about the dogs separation anxiety. awesome
i went and wandered as much as i am capable of (literally just walked my usual route but i went to see what was down a slightly different path from the park and it just leads back to the same main road. i learnt a lot) and got anew phone cable yay. but didnt have enough for other stuff i need
i need to go out this afternoon i dont think ive left the house in literal weeks . i am not good at it
getting slightly more oc brained again but IN THE WRONG WAY!!! GRR
god gavce me like idk an anxiety disorder andautism bc they knew otherwise id just be pirating everything and thhey hate me
MANY HUMANS EATING AND SWALLING YET NO USE FOUND FOR THE GAG REFLEX
the specific type of autism sadness. do you know what i mean. imjust upset about everything all the time recently
theyve got me in a state of sadness
realising now that the lingering cough is also going to be a fucking nightmare bc i have gag reflex so bad that any amount of persisent coughing is one million times more unpleasant disorder. cool cool cool. potentially 3+ weeks of that? cool. basically wont be able to talk
im seriously being trolled . tail end of the flu and my period starts and its one of the worst ones ive had in a long time. dude
i miss my routines i miss my small daily pleasures