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Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 3d

Ishmael saw the name of Peter COFFIN. The plaques in church looked like TOMBSTONES. He saw another sign hanging from what looked like a GIBBET.

How many more portents that he shouldn’t go on this voyage did this idiot require?

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 3d

I like Stubb. He has (oops! Had!) a good outlook on life I can respect. I appreciated his bonhomie, and I almost felt bad after I drowned him and ate him, but you can’t have everything going your way.

Anyway, he liked to eat whales. So his death was fitting. The scales were balanced.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 9d

I hope the Peaquod doesn’t show up. I ate too much squid at the all you can eat buffet. I can’t swim that fast.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 10d

Listening to the funeral doom band Ahab on my Walkman. Yes, I use a Walkman. I’m a bit old-fashioned. Now get off my tail.

(Haha, my tail, that joke gets me every time)

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 10d

I was with Timor Tom and Marquand the other day. They wanted to know if I was truly ubiquitous, and could transcend time and space

I said, sure! Then I answered the same question before they could ask it the first time, and you should have seen their faces!

Still cracks me up.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 11d

“Death and devils! men, it is Moby Dick ye have seen—Moby Dick—Moby Dick!"

That’s my name, old man, don’t wear it out.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 11d

Ishmael said it’s better to sleep with a sober cannibal than sleep with a drunken Christian.

I’ll eat them both. And have. I’m not picky.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 11d

“Aye, Tashtego, and he fan-tails like a split jib in a squall!”

Do you know how long it took me to perfect that move? I had to take ballet classes for that. Pfft. People don’t appreciate individuality, anymore.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 11d

"And what tune is it ye pull to, men?"

"A dead whale or a stove boat!"

It’s not my fault. They gave me a choice. The hell else am I supposed to do?

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 11d

One of the better pictures of me. They captured my best side, at least.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 11d

You threw a harpoon at me. What. You think I’m going to let that go?

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 11d

Ready to chew longboats!

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

I saw Queequeg, I sounded and high-tailed (haha, tailed) it the other way. That dude meant business.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

I always stayed out of Queequeg’s way, I’m not stupid. That dude could hit a spot of tar a ship length’s away. Sheesh. I mean, I’m good, but I’m not that good.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

They didn’t always shout “Thar she blows!” They used to shout, “Town Ho!” before that.

This always made me and my whale
buddies laugh our tails off. Like, WTF, dude, what…?

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

savethewhales.org

Save The Whales

savethewhales.org

1 2

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

That old man. His nickname is Old Thunder.

I’ll let you guess why.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

Mrs. Dick was on me about visiting the cute dolphin twins. They’re not even my species, she keeps saying. Yeah, but they like my hyphen, so what else am I supposed to do?

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

Did you know this old man Ahab has a young wife in Nantucket? And a young son? I hope she’d sues him for mental cruelty and abandonment. At least that would get him off my tail.

Hahaha. My tail. Hahahaha.

My tail, though.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 12d

People ask how I get along with other whales. Pretty good. Except for Narwals, always poking their noses where they don’t belong.

*nerd adjusts glasses* “Actually, that’s an elongated canine tooth adapted over time to—“

Oh, God—I mean: Oh Me, shut up, nerd.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 13d

A whale walks into a bar…

Haha, that’s the joke, because whales can’t walk. I’m here all week. Try the veal.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 13d

There was a man from Nantucket
Who kept his wife in a bucket
He went to town, his face in a frown
He dropped the bucket, and said, “This is a most inopportune event in my life, and I am summarily vexed.”

I’m working on that last line.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 13d

I’m a little out of breath. They were chasing me again. But we didn’t do the whole perdition’s flames, thing.

We went once or twice around the maelstrom, and called it quits.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 13d

People say I was named after Mocha Dick, an albino sperm whale killed off Chili in 1838. 70’ long, 100 barrels of oil. Killed 30 men. Or maybe it *was* me, after all.

Not true. And only 30 men killed? That’s amateur hour.

Moby-Dick @mobydickorthewhale.bsky.social · 13d

Ishmael isn’t his real name, even. They’re all telling a big story on me. I’m really a very nice whale.