Mom of No Rank
@momofnorank.bsky.social
Freelance Candy Corn Science Correspondent, Registered Dietitian, lay Soto Zen teacher, rhinoceros fan. TODAY.com, Texas Monthly, Future Lynn and others.
Pinned
You Can't Have a Pepper Cannon; You'll Shoot Your Eye Out
Is this thing for real? You'll find out when you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.
momofnorank.substack.com
Hey there new Blues! I’m a registered dietitian, food writer, and dharma-entrusted Zen teacher. If you like terrible vintage recipes and unhinged reviews like this one, sprinkled with nutrition and Zen and references to bad movies, you’ll like me.
For this week's Vintage Recipe Roulette, I have a truly special find from the personal collection of a friend -- a Miracle Whip, Dream Whip behemoth probably printed on an electric typewriter in the 1970s or 80s and passed on by a coworker.
He who dies with the most Harvest Gold wins.
He who dies with the most Harvest Gold wins.
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1970s? Dream Whip Orange Cake
He who dies with the most Harvest Gold wins.
momofnorank.substack.com
November 16, 2025 at 1:12 PM
For this week's Vintage Recipe Roulette, I have a truly special find from the personal collection of a friend -- a Miracle Whip, Dream Whip behemoth probably printed on an electric typewriter in the 1970s or 80s and passed on by a coworker.
He who dies with the most Harvest Gold wins.
He who dies with the most Harvest Gold wins.
I've seen what look like some compelling ideas for food bank donations -- dropping of a load of groceries, or making a "meal in a bag" with a recipe and all the non-perishables to make it. But, food banks have a message about the most effective donations, and it might be simpler than you think.
Food Banks Are Struggling. Are Cash or Food Donations More Helpful?
One simple step helps ensure your donation can be used.
www.today.com
November 14, 2025 at 3:44 PM
I've seen what look like some compelling ideas for food bank donations -- dropping of a load of groceries, or making a "meal in a bag" with a recipe and all the non-perishables to make it. But, food banks have a message about the most effective donations, and it might be simpler than you think.
I can't wait for y'all to read this one. I got to talk to Jamal Hinton and his "Thanksgiving grandma" Wanda Dench, who are celebrating their 10th Thanksgiving together this year. They represent the best of us -- what a joy to hear about their story.
1 Accidental Text and 10 Years Later, Wanda and Jamal Are Still Spending Thanksgiving Together
“It’s just amazing to sit back and think that one mistaken text led to so many people’s happiness and joy,” says Jamal Hinton.
www.today.com
November 12, 2025 at 5:48 PM
I can't wait for y'all to read this one. I got to talk to Jamal Hinton and his "Thanksgiving grandma" Wanda Dench, who are celebrating their 10th Thanksgiving together this year. They represent the best of us -- what a joy to hear about their story.
For this week’s Vintage Recipe Roulette, we enter the exciting world of 1957’s contribution to American cuisine, Dream Whip! And we find out just how depressing the color red can be…
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1965 Frosted Cranberry Squares
Red is such a cheerful color. Usually.
open.substack.com
November 9, 2025 at 2:55 PM
For this week’s Vintage Recipe Roulette, we enter the exciting world of 1957’s contribution to American cuisine, Dream Whip! And we find out just how depressing the color red can be…
I got to talk to American Pie star Jason Biggs about his teaming up with Kraft for their pretty wild new flavor — Apple Pie! Completely hilarious…but is it good? Read on!
I Tried Kraft’s Apple Pie-Flavored Mac and Cheese and It Kind of Makes Sense?
Plus, the “ultimate pie guy” Jason Biggs stars in a hilarious new spot for the holidays.
www.today.com
November 7, 2025 at 5:50 PM
I got to talk to American Pie star Jason Biggs about his teaming up with Kraft for their pretty wild new flavor — Apple Pie! Completely hilarious…but is it good? Read on!
My latest for TODAY, on a topic near and dear to my heart. Comments from Houston Food Bank and the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics very much appreciated.
The USDA Ended Its Annual Hunger Report. What Does That Mean for Food Banks?
“Ceasing to measure hunger will not end it.”
www.today.com
October 27, 2025 at 7:17 PM
My latest for TODAY, on a topic near and dear to my heart. Comments from Houston Food Bank and the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics very much appreciated.
Just in time for your Halloween party planning, my Substack is Back in Black again, with 3 recipes and no artificial coloring of any kind. Don't miss my inverse Grasshopper cocktail, the Devil's Horse! momofnorank.substack.com/p/back-in-bl...
Back in Black Food 2: Backer and Blacker
I've got a dye-free appetizer, cocktail and cake for your seasonally creepy party
momofnorank.substack.com
October 19, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Just in time for your Halloween party planning, my Substack is Back in Black again, with 3 recipes and no artificial coloring of any kind. Don't miss my inverse Grasshopper cocktail, the Devil's Horse! momofnorank.substack.com/p/back-in-bl...
This week's Vintage Recipe Roulette is about the 1968 Grasshopper Pie!
Because when you think grasshopper, you definitely think lime Jell-O.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
Because when you think grasshopper, you definitely think lime Jell-O.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1968 Grasshopper Pie
Of course it has Jell-O in it. Everything had Jell-O in it in 1968.
momofnorank.substack.com
October 12, 2025 at 3:57 PM
This week's Vintage Recipe Roulette is about the 1968 Grasshopper Pie!
Because when you think grasshopper, you definitely think lime Jell-O.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
Because when you think grasshopper, you definitely think lime Jell-O.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
My latest for TODAY...I'm a little concerned by how many people are searching for struggle meals, and I hope this helps. You might not have even heard of my number one, even though it's been popular for a very, very long time.
www.today.com/food/trends/...
www.today.com/food/trends/...
A Definitive Ranking of the Most Popular ‘Struggle Meals’
One is so iconic, the others just can’t ketchup.
www.today.com
October 7, 2025 at 7:00 PM
My latest for TODAY...I'm a little concerned by how many people are searching for struggle meals, and I hope this helps. You might not have even heard of my number one, even though it's been popular for a very, very long time.
www.today.com/food/trends/...
www.today.com/food/trends/...
My latest for @texasmonthly.bsky.social ! Austin's Hiro Technologies has developed a plastic diaper that comes with a packet of plastic-eating fungi. I'm a huge tree-hugger, but after really enjoying The Last of Us, that series about fungus-borne zombification, I had a lot of questions about this!
An Austin Start-Up’s Diaper-Eating Fungus Aims to Solve Our Plastic Waste Problem
Hiro hopes to give parents an alternative to adding to a persistent environmental issue—by making a dirty job just a wee bit dirtier.
www.texasmonthly.com
October 1, 2025 at 2:33 PM
My latest for @texasmonthly.bsky.social ! Austin's Hiro Technologies has developed a plastic diaper that comes with a packet of plastic-eating fungi. I'm a huge tree-hugger, but after really enjoying The Last of Us, that series about fungus-borne zombification, I had a lot of questions about this!
In this week's Vintage Recipe Roulette, the 1968 Campbell's Cookbook recipes for V-8 a la Mode. Would we call this a drink? A sundae?
Let's just call it a mistake.
Let's just call it a mistake.
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1968 "V-8" A La Mode
I'm not sure what it is, but I do know it shouldn't have had a V-8
open.substack.com
September 28, 2025 at 4:34 PM
In this week's Vintage Recipe Roulette, the 1968 Campbell's Cookbook recipes for V-8 a la Mode. Would we call this a drink? A sundae?
Let's just call it a mistake.
Let's just call it a mistake.
Whenever money is tight, store brands and boxed dinners rise, but this is unusual even in that context. I think people want one pot, fewer dishes, and nostalgia, too. Link for my latest with tips to save $, add protein and fiber in the replies!
Hamburger Helper Sales Are Soaring. Here’s How to Beef up Its Nutrition
A dietitian offers tips to save money, add nutrition and fancy it up.
www.today.com
September 26, 2025 at 3:56 PM
Whenever money is tight, store brands and boxed dinners rise, but this is unusual even in that context. I think people want one pot, fewer dishes, and nostalgia, too. Link for my latest with tips to save $, add protein and fiber in the replies!
Previously, everything I had read about stretchy yogurt was how to avoid it when making homemade yogurt, so this is quite the trendy turnaround. I made it, and for the record, the blue one is butterfly pea flower powder. Thanks to @katlieu.bsky.social for her cool copycat recipe!
What Is ‘Stretchy Yogurt’? I Tried the Viral, 3-Ingredient Recipe
What’s up with this funky ferment? Cookbook author Kat Lieu thinks the name is kind of a stretch.
www.today.com
September 23, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Previously, everything I had read about stretchy yogurt was how to avoid it when making homemade yogurt, so this is quite the trendy turnaround. I made it, and for the record, the blue one is butterfly pea flower powder. Thanks to @katlieu.bsky.social for her cool copycat recipe!
In this week's Vintage Recipe Roulette, I climb my Everest, the 1956 Campbell's Beef Fizz and Frisky Sour. #food
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1956 Beef Fizz and Frisky Sour
Abandon all hope, ye who enter into the Campbell's Convenience Foods Cookbook
open.substack.com
September 21, 2025 at 5:52 PM
In this week's Vintage Recipe Roulette, I climb my Everest, the 1956 Campbell's Beef Fizz and Frisky Sour. #food
Like someone melted down a Barbie doll with its packing peanuts.
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1964 Raspberry Chantilly
Oh Jell-O. Why can't I quit you?
open.substack.com
September 14, 2025 at 6:40 PM
Like someone melted down a Barbie doll with its packing peanuts.
This week's Vintage Recipe Roulette may have been born in the 70s, but it tastes like the 80s. If you spent a lot of time in Pizza Huts, we're about to revisit an old friend, courtesy an equally old community church cookbook from Niangua, Missouri.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1970-80s Pizza Hut Cavatini Supreme
Is a rural community cookbook copycat edible? Stranger Things have happened.
momofnorank.substack.com
September 7, 2025 at 10:39 PM
This week's Vintage Recipe Roulette may have been born in the 70s, but it tastes like the 80s. If you spent a lot of time in Pizza Huts, we're about to revisit an old friend, courtesy an equally old community church cookbook from Niangua, Missouri.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
My latest for TODAY was really fun to write -- the comments are hilarious. Nara Smith is a model/influencer who usually makes insanely complicated things like homemade Starbursts while wearing gorgeous clothes. This time, she has a snack that she swears she loves, but it's decidedly minimalist.
I Tried Nara Smith’s ‘Deconstructed Salad’ and Think It’s Still Under Construction
The hot new late-night snack is, apparently, “seasoned leaves.”
www.today.com
September 5, 2025 at 9:27 PM
My latest for TODAY was really fun to write -- the comments are hilarious. Nara Smith is a model/influencer who usually makes insanely complicated things like homemade Starbursts while wearing gorgeous clothes. This time, she has a snack that she swears she loves, but it's decidedly minimalist.
Reposted by Mom of No Rank
Need distracting? Keen to find something to laugh at? I can recommend @momofnorank.bsky.social 's trawl of recipes of lore and infamy. She takes the risks so that we don't have to and her descriptive powers are to be treasured.
In this week’s Vintage Recipe Roulette, an entry from the 1974 Weight Watcher’s recipe card collection, Marcy’s “Enchilada”! Vinegar? White bread? The only accurate thing about this recipe is the quotation marks.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
Vintage Recipe Roulette: Marcy's "Enchilada" from 1974
The only good thing I can say about this recipe is that it uses quotation marks correctly.
momofnorank.substack.com
August 24, 2025 at 3:46 PM
Need distracting? Keen to find something to laugh at? I can recommend @momofnorank.bsky.social 's trawl of recipes of lore and infamy. She takes the risks so that we don't have to and her descriptive powers are to be treasured.
A new friend recently passed along a real treasure, a hospital auxiliary cookbook from 1969 Corpus Christi, TX. There are some real doozies in here, and I decided to go for the evil twin of the delightful New Orleans Praline, Cheese Pralines.
Vintage Recipe Roulette: 1969 Cheese Pralines
These are so buttery, in that they remind me of the time I accidentally melted a plastic butter container on the stove.
open.substack.com
August 31, 2025 at 4:23 PM
A new friend recently passed along a real treasure, a hospital auxiliary cookbook from 1969 Corpus Christi, TX. There are some real doozies in here, and I decided to go for the evil twin of the delightful New Orleans Praline, Cheese Pralines.
In this week’s Vintage Recipe Roulette, an entry from the 1974 Weight Watcher’s recipe card collection, Marcy’s “Enchilada”! Vinegar? White bread? The only accurate thing about this recipe is the quotation marks.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
Vintage Recipe Roulette: Marcy's "Enchilada" from 1974
The only good thing I can say about this recipe is that it uses quotation marks correctly.
momofnorank.substack.com
August 24, 2025 at 2:20 PM
In this week’s Vintage Recipe Roulette, an entry from the 1974 Weight Watcher’s recipe card collection, Marcy’s “Enchilada”! Vinegar? White bread? The only accurate thing about this recipe is the quotation marks.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
My husband went to the store to get a brisket this weekend and came home with a chicken, because the brisket was $95. Soooo this is the week I finally make one of those weird 70s vegetable loaves! I gotta be honest...it's a little nuts.
open.substack.com/pub/momofnor...
open.substack.com/pub/momofnor...
Vintage Struggle Meals: 1979 Vegetable Nut Loaf from the USDA
It certainly is nutty, I'll give it that.
open.substack.com
August 17, 2025 at 5:06 PM
My husband went to the store to get a brisket this weekend and came home with a chicken, because the brisket was $95. Soooo this is the week I finally make one of those weird 70s vegetable loaves! I gotta be honest...it's a little nuts.
open.substack.com/pub/momofnor...
open.substack.com/pub/momofnor...
This week in Sunday Vintage Recipe Roulette, a tart from a cookbook sent to me by fellow horrifying retro recipe enthusiast Anita Jarvis, from her mom's pre 1980s collection! What an honor to receive such a treasure (don't miss the curried banana steak inside). May contain tumbleweeds...
Vintage Recipe Roulette: "Syrup Tart Dessert" from 1960s-ish Australia!
Sometimes social media drops you a gift, and then it gets sent to you for real
open.substack.com
August 10, 2025 at 5:23 PM
This week in Sunday Vintage Recipe Roulette, a tart from a cookbook sent to me by fellow horrifying retro recipe enthusiast Anita Jarvis, from her mom's pre 1980s collection! What an honor to receive such a treasure (don't miss the curried banana steak inside). May contain tumbleweeds...
I came across this recipe for "Try and Guess" Salad quite a while back, and was sure it was from the 80s. It has a scary clown vibe, just like the mall bangs and eyebrow arches from back in the day. I was wrong though, so very, very wrong.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
Vintage Recipe Roulette: Try and Guess Salad
I really thought this level of scary clown had to be from the 80s. I was very wrong.
momofnorank.substack.com
August 3, 2025 at 1:47 PM
I came across this recipe for "Try and Guess" Salad quite a while back, and was sure it was from the 80s. It has a scary clown vibe, just like the mall bangs and eyebrow arches from back in the day. I was wrong though, so very, very wrong.
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
momofnorank.substack.com/p/vintage-re...
June Cleaver’s Vintage Closet shared an image of this absolute monster on instagram, and because I’m every bit as foolhardy as I am terminally curious, I tried it. There’s a violently mysterious ingredient that can’t be had these days, and I think you’ll be surprised about its identity.
Mom of No Rank (@momofnorank)
June Cleaver’s Vintage Closet shared an image of this absolute monster on instagram, and because I’m every bit as foolhardy as I am terminally curious, I tried it.
For the record, it’s from a 1925 p...
substack.com
July 27, 2025 at 2:50 PM
June Cleaver’s Vintage Closet shared an image of this absolute monster on instagram, and because I’m every bit as foolhardy as I am terminally curious, I tried it. There’s a violently mysterious ingredient that can’t be had these days, and I think you’ll be surprised about its identity.
Months ago, I pitched an amazing geological sleuthing story to Texas Monthly, after the Alamo announced that they had found the "exact quarry" for the Alamo's stone -- at zoo's new gorilla exhibit, of all places. When I contacted the geologist, though...well, I had another thing coming. 1/
July 21, 2025 at 6:38 PM
Months ago, I pitched an amazing geological sleuthing story to Texas Monthly, after the Alamo announced that they had found the "exact quarry" for the Alamo's stone -- at zoo's new gorilla exhibit, of all places. When I contacted the geologist, though...well, I had another thing coming. 1/