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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 1h

A René Artois lookalike is found poisoned with a local variety of toadstool. Suspicion falls on Burnt Knoll’s visiting East London gangster, deeply concerned that the disappearance of 35 million British hedgehogs might threaten to get the harvest and blood moons mixed up.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 6h

A petunia-growing horticulturalist is found drowned at the local swimming baths. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Malham’s Midsomer University chess club, confused that meddling ornithologists might threaten meaningful contact with alien intelligences massing over Causton.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 11h

A hyperactive barista is found tied to the mouth of a cannon, which was then fired. Suspicion falls on Giggleswick’s society of Venus watchers, upset that BBC casting directors might threaten the supply of artisanal chocolate.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 16h

The master of the local Freemasons lodge is found bound upright in chains. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Malham’s angry old-age pensioner, obsessed that the closure of the local cake shop might threaten to awaken the giant baby that came before good and evil, being and non-being.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 21h

An entirely forgettable sociology professor is found savaged by carp. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Mow’s treasurer of the submarine club, upset that watered down beer might threaten the village fabric.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 1d

A famous werewolf actor is found with a hundred razor sharp darning needles sticking out of the body. Suspicion falls on Cockup Upper’s ballet dancers, obsessed that cryptocurrencies might threaten to summon the Devil himself.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 1d

A secretarial student is found dead at the hands of a pineapple-slicer-wielding ophthalmologist. Suspicion falls on Horneyold Road’s company of morris dancers, confused that unconventional musical notation might threaten England’s green and pleasant land.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 1d

A local unpopular businessman is found strangled with piano wire. Suspicion falls on Monks Barton’s poached eggs society, frightened that a museum dedicated to an obscure local poet might threaten the very future of right wing politics.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 1d

A failed TV writer turned transphobe is found strangled with tights. Suspicion falls on Lower Crosby’s exclusive Fish Finger Society, angry that late capitalism might threaten a farting controversy at the darts competition.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 1d

An entirely forgettable sociology professor is found with a wound one inch broad and four inches deep, reaching to the heart. Suspicion falls on Malham Bridge’s Oscar Wilde appreciation society, disturbed that a missing Masonic ring might threaten to destabilise Midsomer’s fragile economy.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 2d

A cynophobic postman is found after an argument about a horse escalated to a lethal free-for-all. Suspicion falls on Cooper Hill’s manager of Midsomer’s largest banana farm, disturbed that dangerous liaisons on a croquet lawn might threaten the weightlifting regime of local ministers.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 2d

Someone who thinks these are actual TV episode plots is found stabbed with a sharpened anal speculum drunkenly purchased on Wish. Suspicion falls on Little Coxton’s Blue Peter fan club, worried that shady goings on in condiments factories might threaten the Antiques Roadshow.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 2d

A local undertaker is found bored to death by formulaic TV series. Suspicion falls on Gumpton Marsh’s most notorious, right-wing troll, confused that a rogue peacock might threaten centuries of ultimately pointless tradition.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 2d

A cryptocurrency startup founder is found squirted with chlorine trifluoride from a super soaker. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Newton’s genetics society, confused that sinister clown sightings might threaten the upcoming librarian wine drinking festival.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 2d

A local cider maker is found crushed by gym equipment. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s caretaker of the local paramilitary training ground, frightened that sea level rise might threaten an unkempt barrister’s hedgerow.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 3d

A woebegone lexicographer is found drowned in a well. Suspicion falls on Wetwang’s ballet dancers, worried that equestrian tourism might threaten the formation of motorcycle gangs.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 3d

A lockdown protestor is found on a spike in the middle of Causton. Suspicion falls on Watership’s black-swan-wrangling club, deeply concerned that the annual papadum eating competition might threaten to reveal what happened to the pig’s head centrepiece.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 3d

An empathic microbiologist is found squished by an industrial robot. Suspicion falls on Midsomer-in-the-Marsh’s cosplay society, worried that a new pandemic might threaten to burn every catalogue of London’s inter-dimensional gateways.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 3d

A local undertaker is found in a church vault being opened by local archaeologists. Suspicion falls on Beavers Dune’s ordinand, deeply concerned that real estate agents might threaten to ruin Joyce Barnaby’s casserole from one of Delia’s cookbooks.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 4d

A star cricketer is found strangled with a telephone cable. Suspicion falls on Finchmere’s golf purity society, worried that a tarot reading using an ancient deck of tarot cards might threaten supplies of scones.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 4d

A big cucumber fan is found chained up in a niche in an insufferably damp vault. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s Japanese translation class, confused that efforts to curb industrial pollution in the town might threaten the merengue marathon.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 4d

A local pigeon enthusiast is found disposed of with a VitaMix. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Wyvern’s dowager, confused that a growing number of mysterious deaths might threaten the closure of the miniature village.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 4d

A dystychiphobic cyclist is found crushed against towers of bottled sauce with a forklift truck. Suspicion falls on Weston-lesser-Mare’s football fans, confused that a new detective series on television might threaten gin production.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 4d

We only service the greater Causton Country area.

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Midsomer Murders plots @moremidsomerplots.bsky.social · 4d

A person who takes Midsomer Murders too seriously is found trampled by war elephants, retired after their trek across the Alps. Suspicion falls on Upper Warden’s bowls club, obsessed that petty threats might threaten centuries of ultimately pointless tradition.

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