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The New Shame

@newshame.bsky.social

14 followers 130 following 73 posts

An avid simp.

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Alex Zandra @zandravandra.com · 27d

me: making art is difficult. criticism is harsh and cruel.

doctor: treatment is simple, stay away from your worst critics. go spend time by yourself

me, bursting into tears: but doctor,

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I already own some of those books, along with books by George B Bridgman for anatomy.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I have to admit, getting blocked by the poster that I quoted is kind of funny to me, in a sick, sad way.

But this is probably a good sign for me to take a moment to collect myself.

I don't want to say I need to reflect on this, because that might just mean self-flagellating myself for days.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

Yeah, because it's all true.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

Coddled, as if I deserved even that!

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I'm not expecting your pity. I just want you to tell the truth. Tell me how much of a worthless piece of garbage I am. I know that's what you really think of me.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

Is that it? Is that all you can do? I thought you would have a better argument than simple denial and hollow slogans.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

That just proves I'm not good enough. Just because I made it, it shows how bad of an artist I am.

I don't care if drawing it myself was enjoyable, if everyone else just sees childish scribbles that should be a joke coming from an adult.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

This is a recent attempt at me drawing, by the way. I'd challenge anyone to say this is better than AI art without falling back on plagiarism, environmental impact or whatever. Because this is the best I can do, and even I can tell it's not enough.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

So yeah, I guess I could agree that AI art can never replace real art. But then again, I'm just a fucking loser. Who gives a shit about me?

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I don't even care about AI art, I don't think it works. But it objectively looks better than anything I could draw by hand, and I dare you to say otherwise.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

My art looks like shit and nobody cares, and if I ever say anything, they just tell me to fuck and get therapy and never bother them, because no one cares about me and no one ever will.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I am a pathetic loser and everyone can see it but me. This is what's playing in my head when I brought it that old sketch and showed it. It's proof that I'm a fucking loser.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

So this is what has been on my mind these past couple of days. Because they're right, I suppose.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I want the bullies to leave me alone. You've been misunderstanding me this whole time.

I think that the bullies run everything, and everyone else is running around trying to keep them protected and safe. From school to the Internet, even in business or politics, the bullies run everything.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

Because I've tried to talk about the pain I'm in and people just told me to shut up, stop trains dumping, nobody needs to hear your whining. I'm not trying to join with them, I just want them to leave me alone.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I'm saying everyone else will side with them. Or they'll just act like they don't exist, even when they're laughing in their face.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I'm not expecting you to understand. In fact, I think you'll probably think I'm a whiner or a trauma dumper, like many other people I've talked about this to. Because I know they don't really care. Nobody really does.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

The teachers and the staff will always protect the bully and punish their victims. That's what I learned.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

And they'll still be there even if I try not to care. Because they know I'm alone, and they have each other. The whole world revolves around them.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

I've tried so hard to push back. To tell them that I'm not. They just rally around and tell me to shut up. That I don't matter. That what I think or feel don't matter. That they don't care. Maybe they're right.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

You seem to think it's easy for me to just stop thinking this way. This while conversation, you've been telling me that all this would just magically go away if I just not care. But it won't. And they'll still be there. And they'll still be in the right.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

At best they'll just mock you in their own little friend circles or try to go through your Internet history. At worst, they'll devote their lives to making yours a misery.

The New Shame @newshame.bsky.social · Aug 20

How is this going to make them go away? Because just telling someone to fuck off isn't going to make them go away. They'll just keep coming until they can't find you or worse.