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Fake Muriel Bowser

@notmurielbowser.bsky.social

86 followers 19 following 120 posts

As your Mayor, my top priority is making sure that every business gets a Fair Shot. You can read more about my accomplishments in my 136-Month Progress Report, coming to your mailbox May 2026. This account is 100% corporate PAC funded and 100% satire.

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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Jun 4

Good morning! Every day I wake up excited and honored to have the opportunity to help my constituents: business owners who may or may not live here.

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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 10d

With 700,000 potential customers, DC is a great place to locate your business!

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 18d

Love to see a great DC business in the news!
www.nytimes.com/2025/09/20/u...

Tom Homan, who was later named President Trump's border czar, was recorded in September 2024 accepting a bag with $50,000 in cash in an undercover F.B.I. investigation, according to people familiar with the case, which was later shut down by Trump administration officials.
The cash payment, which was made inside a bag from the food chain Cava, grew out of a long-running counterintelligence investigation that had not been targeting Mr. Homan, according to the people, who spoke on condition of anonymity to describe the case.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 22d

ngl the thought of jamming that golden shovel into the earth at RFK is downright erotic

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 22d

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 24d

You see an occupying force. I see a bunch of new customers for Downtown DC’s great fast-casual dining spots.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 27d

Sick of hearing that I am missing in action when I have cut 3 ribbons this month *so far*

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 27d

Sir, I promise you this won’t be necessary.

Aaron Rupar @atrupar.com · 27d

Trump on DC: "We have actually more power in DC. I can change the mayor if I want. I can do whatever I want."

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 29d

The President’s control over MPD expires today, but I give you my word that you will not be able to tell that anything has changed

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · 29d

Cutting ribbons wherever I can

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 9

Folks, it would be great if we could do this in DC but we kinda shot our wad to build a football stadium for a billionaire. Looks like my skeets about how great DCPS is will have to do for now.

KRQE News 13 @krqe.com · Sep 9

Governor announces New Mexico will now provide free universal child care

NEW MEXICO (KRQE) – New Mexico is becoming the first state in the U.S. to offer free early childhood education to every family in the state. Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham announced a universal ch…

www.krqe.com

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 9

Always Be Cutting (ribbons)

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 9

Mendo’s useful at times (stadiums, no tax hikes on the rich, etc.) but the man’s obsession with writing letters is really something else. Nobody cares, bro

Chairman Phil Mendelson @chmnmendelson.bsky.social · Sep 8

Today the Council sent a letter opposing the Congressional bills threatening our autonomy. This is a first step to push back against interference. I'm also testifying on the Hill next week and we are meeting with Congressional representatives to explain why these bills are harmful to the District.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 5

I played nice with the fascists and all I got was a 2-month extension of the National Guard occupation of DC

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 4

When I say protecting Home Rule is “our North Star,” I mean exactly that: a once-useful tool that has become a quaint metaphor & has been replaced with better tools, in our case, growing the economy via tax incentives for businesses.

Mayor Muriel Bowser
@mayorbowser.bsky.social
Our North Star is protecting Home Rule and DC's autonomy.
DC residents, we are going to continue to make the right decisions-the tough decisions-and we are going to get to the other side of this.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 3

I want to be crystal clear about this, before anyone blows things out of proportion: yes, we have the money to give 13% raises to cops who don’t live here, and no, we don’t have the money for rapid rehousing to provide shelter for people who do.

Martin Austermuhle @maustermuhle.bsky.social · Sep 3

NEWS: Bowser says a new collective bargaining agreement will give D.C. police officers, sergeants, and lieutenants a 13% pay increase. Emergency legislation will be introduced in the D.C. Council on Sept. 17.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 2

I think most folks would agree that my political instincts are pretty solid, yet for reasons even I cannot begin to fathom I am committed to fucking this chicken in the worst way possible

Mayor Muriel Bowser @mayorbowser.dc.gov · Sep 2

Trust between community and law enforcement is central to our city's safety.

We're requesting that federal agents adhere to effective community policing practices—not wearing masks, clearly identifying their agency, and providing ID during arrests and encounters with the public.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Sep 2

Well, I had a long weekend to think about it and I’m back to complying in advance bsky.app/profile/mayo...

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 29

Our North Star is protecting Home Rule and the District's autonomy. That’s why I am no longer complying in advance but simply complying on time.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 29

Our North Star is protecting Home Rule and the District's autonomy. That’s why I am no longer complying in advance but simply complying on time.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 28

“Thank you, Mayor Bowser!”

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 28

All the tumult of the past few weeks has got me feeling nostalgic for the good times

It's time to #KeepCirculatorFree

YouTube video by DC Mayor's Office

youtu.be

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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 27

Look, I get it: having masked goons arbitrarily disappearing friends and neighbors off our streets is concerning to say the least. But look on the bright side—if you’re still here in 2030, the Commanders will be too!

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Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 27

I have to say, she does give me a run for my money

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 26

Think I’ve found my message for next year’s campaign—you don’t run 3 successful mayoral campaigns in a row without knowing how to spot a winner #DistrictOfCorporations

Andrew Cuomo tweet:

If there's one city where you can't have a socialist mayor, it's New York City.
We need a pro-business, pro-corporate mayor here.
We're nothing without businesses. It's why people came here. It's what makes New York, New York.

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 22

It has come to my attention that the images below do not prominently state “Muriel E. Bowser, Mayor.” We have taken immediate corrective action and debarred this vendor from receiving any more publishing contracts.

Mayor Muriel Bowser @mayorbowser.dc.gov · Aug 21

DC leads the nation in early learning programs because we've made it a priority. That includes:

🎒Free, universal pre-K
✏️Full-day early learning
🍎Accepting students at ages 3 & 4

Get a head start at: readyforprek.org and backtoschool.dc.gov

Fake Muriel Bowser @notmurielbowser.bsky.social · Aug 20

I said we had a positive relationship with our Federal law enforcement partners. I never said it was perfect.

Washingtonian Problems @washprobs.bsky.social · Aug 20

According to a post on Reddit, a Mine-Resistant Ambush Protected (MRAP) vehicle t-boned a car in Capitol Hill this morning. Firefighters reportedly used the jaws of life to free the driver, who DC Fire & EMS said sustained only minor injuries.