Odd News
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We combine the wit of top comedy writers and the talents of stand-up comedians to deliver a fresh take on news. Not fake, not fiction, just reality caught wearing clown shoes. This is journalism’s funhouse mirror. This is Odd News. https://oddnews.com
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Ever have one of those days where it feels like a Monday even though it’s like, Tuesday? You need a little pep in your step to take on the day ahead and deal with those jerks at work who treat you like you’re nothing more than a dancing monkey.
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#coffee #escape #monkeys #OddNews
Escaped Spider Monkey Captured by Coffee
Turns out this monkey likes coffee a latte.
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In what Sheriff Grady Judd described as “an incident that makes even Florida blush,” 51-year-old Walter Frymire was arrested after deputies discovered he had attempted to smuggle a thermos into the Polk County Jail the old-fashioned way: by becoming the container. Read more below...

#floridaman
Florida Man Caught With Thermos in “Exit Ramp”
The thermos reportedly applied for therapy and a restraining order.
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StudioCanal says the sketch tarnished a “symbol of British decency.” Which is rich, considering the last time Britain protected Peruvian exports, it involved the Falklands. Read more below...

#paddington #lawsuit #PaddingtonBear #parody #PrinceHarry #spittingimage #StudioCanal #OddNews
StudioCanal Sues Spitting Image Over Cocaine Bear Parody
Says the sketch tarnished a “symbol of British decency.” Which is rich, considering the last time Britain protected Peruvian exports, it involved the Falklands.
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A grizzled patron recently tried to belly up to the bar at the Stuart, Florida, tiki bar Harlow’s Hideout, and was denied service. However, instead of the ACLU or the AARP stepping in to defend them, it was more like the ASPCA, as the customer trying to get in was an alligator.

#alligator #florida
Gator Denied Service at Florida Tiki Bar
Who needs Florida Man when you’ve got a Florida Gator?
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In what NASA described as “a milestone for interstellar observation” and everyone else described as “a blurry streak that looks like a Coke bottle fell over,” the Mars Perseverance rover has apparently photographed 3I/ATLAS, only the third known visitor from beyond our solar system.

#comet #mars
Harvard Professional Seeking Attention Says Streak in Mars Photo Could Be Extraterrestrial
So could his search history. We’re just asking questions here.
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Max Fosh, a British YouTuber best known for weaponizing awkwardness, embarked on a mission to violate ten obscure European laws in ten countries within two days. Read more below...

#bakery #driving #DumbLaw #europe #pigeon #pillow #salmon #OddNews
British Youtuber Sets Out To Break Every Dumb Law in Europe
Interpol yawns as Britain’s most awkward outlaw terrorizes pigeons, pillows, and patisserie.
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The monument was meant to immortalize the Queen of Rock ’n’ Roll. Instead, the statue ended up looking like the kind of thing you’d find guarding the entrance of a haunted Chuck E. Cheese. Read more below...

#rock #sculptor #sculpture #statue #Tennessee #tinaturner #OddNews
Tennessee Unveils Tina Turner Statue. Fans Say It’s So Bad Ike Turner Tried To Take Credit
When the city said “Simply the Best,” the sculptor clearly heard “Simply a Mess.”…
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Which implies the existence of actual socialist breast implants.
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#capitalism #implants #KimJongUn #NorthKorea #socialism #women #OddNews
Kim Jong Un Declares War on Un-Socialist Breast Implants
Which implies the existence of actual socialist breast implants.
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San Bruno police officers were running a weekend DUI sweep when they spotted a Waymo robotaxi pull the classic California U-turn at a red light, the kind that usually involves a human yelling “watch this” before ending up in a hedge. Read more below...

#california #car #police #Waymo #OddNews
San Bruno Police Discover They Can’t Write Tickets for Driverless Cars
The good news is the car was sober; the bad news is it also can’t pay fines, appear in court, or feel shame.
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Michael Rapino says concert tickets are “underpriced,” which is bold from a man who once charged $150 to let people stand behind a tree and listen to Coldplay. He made the comments during CNBC’s Game Plan conference held entirely on yachts.

#coldplay #concert #livenation #NBA #ticketprices #OddNews
Live Nation CEO Says Concerts Are Underpriced, Moments Before Leaping Into a Jacuzzi Full of Champagne
Rapino says concerts are underpriced, unlike Kiss Cams, which apparently come with legal fees and emotional damages.
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While you can’t spell “Commodores” without “odor,” the band’s former frontman, Lionel Richie, claimed that another iconic singer from the ‘70s and ‘80s actually smelled all night long – and during the day too. Read more below...

#lionelrichie #michaeljackson #music #odor #TheJacksonFive #OddNews
Ol’ Dirty Jackson? Lionel Richie Claims King of Pop Smelled
Lionel Richie airs some dirty laundry about Michael Jackson’s dirty laundry…
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Locals suggest calling Batman, or at least Animal Control, which is basically the same thing in Rhode Island. Read more below...

#goats #escape #fugitive #ontherun #police #donkey #RhodeIsland #OddNews
Glocester Police Still Can’t Catch the Fugitive Goat
Locals suggest calling Batman, or at least Animal Control, which is basically the same thing in Rhode Island.
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Another blurry Loch Ness video drops, once again confirming Scotland has invented whisky but not autofocus. Read more below...

#cryptids #lochness #lochnessmonster #Scotland #sighting #OddNews
Nessie Emerges Again, Immediately Demands Everyone Stop Calling Her “As Big as Three Men”
Another blurry Loch Ness video drops, once again confirming Scotland has invented whisky but not autofocus.
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Tennessee congressman Tim Burchett, noted for his ability to confuse both science and indoor plumbing with magic, announced that aliens are living in five or six secret underwater UFO bases just off America’s coast. Read more below...

#aliens #ocean #Tennessee #TimBurchett #UFO #OddNews
Tennessee Congressman Warns of Alien Bases in the Ocean
Experts are still waiting for him to locate Tennessee on a map.
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Guess they didn’t want to wait for the complimentary snack. Read more below...

#airplane #flying #france #london #passport #ryanair #travel #OddNews
Flight Diverted After Passengers Eat, Flush Passports
Guess they didn’t want to wait for the complimentary snack.
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"It’s unclear whether this was inspired by Lassie, Knight Rider, or a drunken bet at a truck stop diner, but Buddy was game because dogs always are." Read more below...

#cars #dog #driving #ford #OddNews
Dog Drives Ford Model T. Still Better Than Tesla Autopilot
Somewhere, Henry Ford is rolling over… and fetching.
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MEMPHIS, Tenn. — A federal judge has handed down a nearly five-year prison term to a Missouri woman convicted in a bizarre scheme to foreclose on Elvis Presley’s Graceland. Read more below....

#elvis #elvispresley #graceland #scam #Tennessee #OddNews
Missouri Woman Sentenced for Trying To Foreclose on Graceland Using a Fake Loan
Graceland nearly went from tourist trap to foreclosure flop.
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Starting next year, Medicare will join private insurers in testing artificial intelligence to make prior authorization decisions. The program, called WISeR (Wasteful and Inappropriate Service Reduction), will run through 2031 in six states. Read more below....

#AI #healthcare #medicare #OddNews
Medicare To Test AI Healthcare Denials
That’s not what they’re calling it. But that’s what this is.
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Researchers at the University of Geneva teamed up with American scientists and cracked open the evolutionary Ikea manual. Instead of “insert Tab A into Slot B,” they found, “Reuse ancient cloaca switch to manufacture fingers, good luck, allen wrench not included.” Read more below...

#evolution
Scientists Discover Your Fingers Evolved From Fish Buttholes
Your hands exist because millions of years ago, a fish needed a bunghole. That’s it. That’s the grand arc of evolution. Darwin sketched a tree of life, but the tree is apparently a butt. Of life.
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Ryder Cup golfer Viktor Hovland has revealed his secret to keeping calm at Bethpage Black: UFO conspiracy theories. While other golfers rely on swing coaches, sports psychologists, or light day-drinking, Hovland has turned to aliens. Read more below...

#aliens #conspiracy #golf #UFO #OddNews
Viktor Hovland Believes UFOs Keep Him Relaxed on the Course
Someone should tell him Xanax is cheaper and doesn’t probe you afterward.
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A school in Nottinghamshire has a cat problem. And by “problem,” we mean that more than 50 feral cats have taken up permanent residence on the school grounds, complete with breeding program, woodland cafeteria, and possibly a feline prom committee. Read more below.

#cat #education #school #OddNews
Toot Hill School Introduces New Elective: Advanced Meowthematics
Rescue service warns feral cats can have five litters a year. Parents are relieved to know someone else is doing the sex ed.
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If these guys keep escaping, maybe someone should open an Outback Snakehouse for them to meet up. Read more below....

#ballpython #burmesepython #python #serpents #snake #OddNews
Pythons Keep Turning up in Weird Places
If these guys keep escaping, maybe someone should open an Outback Snakehouse for them to meet up.
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The northern Italian city of Bolzano, gateway to the Dolomites and apparently fresh out of normal revenue ideas, has announced that starting in 2026, tourist dogs will be charged €1.50 per day for the privilege of peeing on centuries-old architecture. Read more below...

#dogs #italy #taxes #OddNews
Italy To Start Taxing Visiting Dogs and DNA Testing the Residential Ones
Man’s best friend gets to experience man’s worst bureaucracy.
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Tech companies promise AI will make industries efficient, profitable, and “not evil.” Scientists, meanwhile, warn that it may also lead to the literal end of the human race. On the plus side, this will save us from hearing about NFTs ever again. Read more below...

#AI #robot #scientist #OddNews
Scientists Warn AI May Wipe Out Humanity
But does humanity need help to wipe out humanity?
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