Author | Lightnews

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 34m

I WATCHED AN INANE VIDEO OF A BIGSIXTASTIC PLAYER ON YOUTUBE AND SO I'VE DONE AN ARTICLE ABOUT IT TO SHOW HOW MUCH WE'RE JUST CORPORATE WHORES WHO LOVE THE BIGSIX SO WE CAN GET FUCKWIT FANBOY CLICKS SHOCK
By Bill Unwin
WTF has my 'career' turned into? I'm supposed to be an adult, not 12 years old

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 21h

BECAUSE WE'VE ONLY DONE A LOAD OF MBMs; NUMEROUS MATCH REPORTS AND "MANAGER SAYS STUFF" BOLLOCKS PLUS TWO FAT CUNT PODCASTS AND DAILY FAT CUNT STUFF WHAT WE REALLY NEED TO DO IS A FULL REVIEW OF THE MOST FUCKING TEDIOUS EUROPEAN COMPETITION
By Jim Brewin
It's purest fuckwit fanboy clickbait.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 23h

BIGSIXTASTIC PLAYER SAYS STUFF SHOCK!
By Mandy Hunter
Yes, it's my third piece of fuckwit fanboy clickbait. I need to justify the huge waste of fucking money i. e. My European jolly.
Could an agency done this at a fraction of the cost? Of course! But my entitled ego says I'm special so there.

1

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

OMG! IT'S YET MORE OF THE FAT CUNT PODCAST WITH LARRY 'FAT CUNT' GLENDENNING AND HIS HILARIOUS SIDEKICK!
By Larry 'fat cunt' Glendenning and the hilarious sidekick
It's more of the bantzeriffic bantzmeisters doing yet more bantzaroony bigsixtastic bantzybollocks for bantztastic fanbantzyboys!

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

WE'RE OVERHYPING A BIGSIXTASTIC TEAM TO FUCK THIS WEEK BECAUSE IT ATTRACTS FUCKWIT FANBOYS TO CLICK ON IT. WE DON'T CARE THAT IT'S PUERILE DRIVEL SHOCK!
By Someone from the Gwardian sports network 6th form college
FFS, how fucking low can we go to get clicks?

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

IT'S THE DAILY THING WITH FAT CUNT BOSS WHERE I PRETEND TO BE WITTY AND IRONIC AND CLEVER AND NOT THE THIN-SKINNED ARROGANT TOTAL CUNT THAT I ACTUALLY AM IN REAL LIFE!
By Larry 'fat cunt' Glendenning
I actually have fake usernames for all social media to have a go at critics. Easy to spot as well.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

DO YOU REMEMBER THAT BIGSIXTASTIC MANAGER I HINTED ABOUT POSSIBLY BEING SACKED 6 MONTHS AGO? WELL NOW HE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE SACKED SHOCK!
By Jacob 'sack the manager' Steenberg
Don't worry, I'll change my mind again in the near future. That's because I'm a talentless bitter cunt of a hack.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

BIGSIXTASTIC MANAGER SAYS STUFF SHOCK!
By Mandy Hunter
Look, I'm on another European jolly paid for by you so I have to at least try to justify the obscene and pointless waste of money. Yes, an agency/AI could have done this at a fraction of the cost but what about me and my ego, eh? I'm important.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

OUR EDITORIAL STANCE
by Fat Cunt
We can't afford a single reporter to cover the loser leagues so we get an agency to do it for us.
But we can send loads of reporters on European jollies to cover the most fucking tedious competition ever and we can't use agencies or our reporters will be sad.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

OH DEAR, I'VE ANOTHER SPORTS ONE WHERE I'M SUDDENLY AN EXPERT ON A NON-BIGSIXTASTIC CLUB SHOCK!
By Jonathan 'Mansplaining'Loow
I really should just stick with politics rather than producing this pretentious word salad bollocks that adds absolutely fuck all to anything.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

I HAVE ZERO CREDIBILITY AS AN ECONOMIST AND LESS AS A HUMAN BEING BUT THE GWARDIAN LETS ME SPOUT MY DRIVEL STILL.
By Harry Elliot
Why? I'm a huge Brexit supporter who STILL hasn't acknowledged that it's a never-ending shitshow for so many people and the economy. What does that say about me?

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

BIGSIXTASTIC PLAYER SAYS STUFF SHOCK AS WE CONTINUE TO OVERHYPE HIS BIGSIXTASTIC TEAM AND HOPEFULLY SET UP A FALL SO WE CAN STICK THE BOOT IN LATER BECAUSE WE REALLY ARE UNPRINCIPLED ARSEHOLES SHOCK!
By Ad Errons
It's what Fat Cunt Boss wants - fuckwit fanboy clickbait, not actual journalism.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 1d

IT'S MORE FAT CUNT PODCAST WITH LARRY 'FAT CUNT ' GLENDENNING AND HIS HILARIOUS SIDEKICK!
By Larry 'fat cunt' Glendenning and his hilarious sidekick
We're on the bantzroad to bantzland with the bantzaroony bantzboys doing the bantzeriffic bantz all the way. It's bantztastic! Join the bantzmeisters

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

I AM INCREDIBLE
by Ewen Jones (The saviour of Gaza and Socialism)
Jeremy is old hat now. I'm with that other proper socialist guy because my "I deserve better from Starmer because I'm incredible" narcissistic bandwagon didn't really get going for some reason. Still, I made a lot of money from it.

1

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

BIGSIXTASTIC MANAGER SAYS STUFF SHOCK!
By Jacob 'sack the manager' Steenberg
It's superb articles like this that are the foundation of my arrogance and belief that I know better than professional football managers. Me being a cunt comes from my brilliance being ignored by everyone so I'm bitter.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

NO PRE-MATCH PRESS CONFERENCE MEANS I CAN'T DO A "BIGSIXTASTIC MANAGER SAYS STUFF" BULLSHIT ARTICLE AND MEANS I'VE BEEN HANGING AROUND ON YET ANOTHER JOLLY PAID FOR BY YOU SO I'LL DO A "IS THE TEAM IN CRISIS" BULLSHIT ARTICLE SHOCK!
By Mandy Hunter
Thanks for the jolly, you fucking mugs. Hahaha!

1

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

NEW BIGSIXTASTIC PLAYER ISN'T SHIT ANYMORE AFTER TAKING A COUPLE OF MONTHS TO SETTLE IN (WHICH IS FUCKING NORMAL IN ANY JOB IN A NEW COUNTRY) SHOCK!
By Ad Errons
You see we don't view football players as human. Because, essentially, we're a bunch of puerile arseholes who have no empathy. At all

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

NEW BIGSIXTASTIC PLAYER ISN'T SHIT ANYMORE AFTER TAKING A COUPLE OF MONTHS TO SETTLE IN (WHICH IS FUCKING NORMAL IN ANY JOB IN A NEW COUNTRY) SHOCK!
By David Hinter
You see we don't view football players as human. Because, essentially, we're a bunch of puerile arseholes.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

GOOD MANAGER IS GOOD SHOCK!
By Bill Unwin
It's got ANALYSIS written at the top so it shows fuckwit fanboys that it's really serious analysis and not a chatgpt request along the lines of 'explain why this manager is good'.

Send money now for more quality journalism!

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

AN ACTUAL PROPER FOOTBALL AND POLITICS ARTICLE SHOCK!
By Jonathan 'Mansplaining' Loow
I really ought to just stick with politics. Anyway, it's a good antidote to that utter fucking nasty shit that Marney Boney did the other day. Wow, what a cunt he's turning into. Him and Jacob get on really well

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

BIGSIXTASTIC PLAYER SAYS STUFF SHOCK!
By David Hinter
Perhaps this fuckwit fanboy clickbait will be my legacy.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

THE GREAT QUESTION THAT HANGS ABOVE THE HEADS OF ALL 12 YEAR OLD FUCKWIT FANBOYS IS SOMETHING TO DO WITH FUCKWIT FANBOYS AND THEIR PUERILE FANBOY OBSESSION SHOCK!
By Mandy Hunter
It's just pure fuckwit fanboy clickbait. That's all that Fat Cunt Boss cares about.

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

I CONVENIENTLY AVOID MENTIONING MY EFFORTS OVER YEARS TO GET RID OF WHUs MOST SUCCESSFUL MANAGER IN DECADES BECAUSE HE THOUGHT I WAS AN ARROGANT BLOWHARD WITH FUCK ALL EXPERIENCE OF MANAGING ANYTHING AND THAT I'M A TOTAL CUNT (All true) TO LAMBAST WHU AGAIN
By Jacob 'sack the manager' Steenberg

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

IT'S THE DAILY FAT CUNT THING WITH ME LARRY 'FAT CUNT' GLENDENNING WHERE I PRETEND TO BE WITTY AND IRONIC AND CLEVER AND NOT THE THIN-SKINNED ARROGANT TOTAL CUNT THAT I ACTUALLY AM IN REAL LIFE
By Larry 'fat cunt' Glendenning
Complaints will be dealt with in a totally cuntish way because I'm a cunt

The Gwardian News @oldandbald.bsky.social · 2d

IT'S THE FAT CUNT PODCAST WITH LARRY 'FAT CUNT' GLENDENNING AND HIS HILARIOUS SIDEKICK
By Larry 'fat cunt' Glendenning and his hilarious sidekick
It's bantz all the way on the bantztrain with the bantztastic fat cunt and his bantzeriffic bantzmates all the way from bantzland! Bantzaroony!