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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 19h

I buy a lot of board games but all things considered, with the hours of fun I get out of it, it's a pretty cost effective hobby. The worst thing is definitely the space it takes up, if not for that I'd feel no remorse buying them.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 1d

I said I wasn't streaming for a while during the move but surprise! Had some free time today, so let's do a stream to catch up for a bit. We'll be playing Candy Rangers, an on rails shooter. twitch.tv/emotionalsup... #furrylive

EmotionalSupportOtter - Twitch

My name's Brownie and I'm your supportive talking animal friend! Otter therian, expect a lot of indie games, mental health talk, board games, and getting to know each other. Email is browniesaysarf@gm...

twitch.tv

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 1d

Going forward, all my Twitch revenue will be spent on other streamers, or Twitch Turbo for myself. If you want to support me directly (definitely not an obligation ever) the best way would probably be getting me a game on my Steam wishlist (also not needed, I have too many games lol).

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 1d

So I was planning on removing myself from the Twitch affiliate program since I have an income limit. But I discovered a new feature that lets you spend your Twitch revenue on Twitch instead of getting it paid out so we'll try that?

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 2d

New life mission: I wanna actively debunk the awful things that therapists say to depressed people. Because then those things trickle down to social pressures as well, and it's not fair. People that are already suffering are gaslit into suffering more.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 3d

Maybe all those pieces of fiction displayed people with inner demons were just an allegory for mental illness. Because it very much feels like I have a dark side that many are scared of, but a select few people can get through and still appreciate both parts of me.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 3d

I think I want to do a better job of fighting to stay close to the people that actually want to be there with me. There's so few of them in this world, I can't afford to let any of them go.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 3d

The amount of mental gymnastics I teach myself just to stay somewhat stable day to day is insane actually. I wonder if this is what therapy was supposed to be like?

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 4d

So since it seems I'm pretty likely going to MFF... who wants to be on the list of people I reach out to snug? Book your spot now!

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 4d

Somehow driving 8 hours through the plains of Nebraska felt like a longer drive than 12 hours of mountains and canyons from Vegas to Denver. I guess a way less interesting drive?

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 5d

People think I'd be more needy in real life than online, but in reality I'm very easygoing IRL, often to my detriment because I hide my sadness for fear of upsetting anyone.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 5d

Couldn't agree more! I had a feeling but I wasn't sure if that was reality.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

Felt so much... I try, and I don't necessarily focus on just that, but I don't understand how it comes so easily for some people.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

It's kind of a ridiculous thing to suggest someone wouldn't want to get better, and even more to say I don't when I say that I do. I want no part of being miserable, it's just that I don't see a viable path to get better. There's really nothing I can do.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

Well then you'd think therapy would work then, but no, they all say very basic things I've tried 1000 times and get mad when I explain I've done those to oblivion already.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

The only thing that could make me feel better is having people around but there isn't any hope of that as I've struck out with every location and furry community I've tried, and keep repelling people away.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

30+ meds (one worked but doesn't make me happy, just not miserable), 20+ therapists, 2 hospitals, TMS, and ketamine treatment all failed. Doctors have given up helping me. Haven't had a reason to live in almost 10 years.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

I just wish all those people that stay "I'd be hurt if you left" actually wanted to offer a solution. People can help a lot more than they ever know.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

I'm asking if you want me to, but I think the answer is already clear...

Belly loom YCH from @stealthystripes.bsky.social!

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

It is, I wish anyone cared though. People don't like talking to me and I don't know why.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

I'm not really... like my most creative skill is generating conversation from whatever but apparently it doesn't matter to people because a lot of people just stop talking to me altogether.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

That's fair. I'm not creative or imaginative in the slightest, and I enjoy the uncertainty that comes with talking to people. I already know what to expect from my own mind.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

Yeah pretty much... it's just gotten harder and harder as time goes on, and this year it's become absolutely unbearable.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

It could be. I enjoy board gaming and if I got to do it more I wouldn't be like this, but of course like everything I need it's dependent on other people's willingness to play.

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Brownie Otter θ∆ @ Roadtrip! @otterbrownie.bsky.social · 6d

That's not really a reason for me, being in constant pain isn't worth that.