not reaching for the phone after bed requires a lot of Conscious Decision Energy

7th-13th January, I had a massive mental health breakdown. 17th Jan, a heath scare.
I have been doing so much better now. I have been documenting it all on my close friends stories but long story short—i managed to do some form if movement 8/11 days and have been more mindful re my actions since.

battling depression is always exhausting, but it is especially excruciatingly exasperating this time of the year.

10 minute activities are so important when mind is ever so depressy. I started learning a new language. I am literally hobby collecting. Still crocheting once a day though. Gah.

contrary to my bio, I have now taken up crocheting as of 1 hour ago :DD

looked up a few videos, had almost crashouts over maintaining the yarn tension and my first chain, but I am getting the hang of it. Currently dealing with minor finger pains, primarily my thumbs and index fingers.

#crochet

had a momentary existential crisis (cue pink floyd) when i started fiddling with garage band for the second time today. discovered it properly yesterday thanks to a finger drumming artist on my explore. yet another hobby which is very “will they, won’t they” lol

#hobbysky

I realise I do not like ticking clocks anymore. It is mildly infuriating and not grounding at all. Blurugh,

update: spent two hours in the afternoon reading Butter by Asako Yuzuki with "Music for Quiet Reading" in the background! Yay!

go hard or go home much? haha.

#hobbysky #booksky

felt a tad positive today so i am actually up from the bed and sitting upright for once with the curtains and windows wide open.

I am going to set an alarm and actually force myself to spend at least 15 mins with my hobbies every day and to go to extremies, at least twice a day.

#hobbysky #booksky

got really into #PathofExile2 as a mercenary. Loving my at-home hobbies, understanding my social boundaries one bender at a time, heh. #gamesky

I finished “Everything is OK”! Comic books come easy, i think. Could not latch on to Jack Kerouac, but I did start Butter by Asako Yuzuki and I don’t know what it is about Japanese literature, but I tend to see them through
#booksky

talking of being accountable after many days of dealing with insomnia, I just spent 4 hours of my afternoon learning basics of Python.

why? because i don’t know coding and have been wanting to for 628227 days

will it help in the near future? i don’t know.

but we enjoyed it a bunch! :D

tried to continue reading ended up starting Jack Kerouac’s On the Road because it was a small enough to carry in this one tote bag, did not read more than 4 pages, even though I know it is an easy read. i am still adamant though

in other news: I resumed therapy! 50 mins of tumultuous chaos
#booksy

decided to give myself grace and take it slowly with getting back into reading thanks to internet strangers. started with “Everything is Okay” by Debbie Tung and ended the almost 1 hour reading sesh with “A Little Life” by Hanya Yanagihara. ^.^ #booksky

What do you like about yourself?

I used to read at least 7 books a month a decade and some years ago. I have downgraded to 1 year, if that. i still buy books, still read a little, but I am finding it very difficult to get back into it fully as much as i really truly want to. any tips? #booksky

at that point in my life where (yet again) nothing makes sense and im simply a body in space floating through conversations unable to grasp what’s really going on

Its funny how every inch of me wants to christmas and yet all i want to do is numb myself thru netflix like how does one deal with netflix addiction when brain doesnt consider reality as a lived experience that happens every breathing second

you know what i mean?

who would have thought there would be yet another microblogging website :))))

anyway,

hello, world. 🤓