red valley quote bot
@redvalquotes.bsky.social
tweeting quotes from @redvalleypod.bsky.social every 30 minutes | run by @petrichauri.bsky.social
BRYONY: No, Gordon. The worst thing about Red Valley is also the best. Here, the only person you have to listen to is yourself. There's nobody else around.
GORDON: You should do a TED talk. Did this work on Grace and Pamela? And Aubrey Wood, and Ben Thomas?
GORDON: You should do a TED talk. Did this work on Grace and Pamela? And Aubrey Wood, and Ben Thomas?
December 16, 2025 at 4:34 AM
BRYONY: No, Gordon. The worst thing about Red Valley is also the best. Here, the only person you have to listen to is yourself. There's nobody else around.
GORDON: You should do a TED talk. Did this work on Grace and Pamela? And Aubrey Wood, and Ben Thomas?
GORDON: You should do a TED talk. Did this work on Grace and Pamela? And Aubrey Wood, and Ben Thomas?
CLIVE: Fuck sake. Where is Gordon bloody Porlock?
December 16, 2025 at 3:54 AM
CLIVE: Fuck sake. Where is Gordon bloody Porlock?
AUBREY: Hester. Can you just...do that thing where you put your hands on my shoulders and smell my hair please. Without the judgement.
December 16, 2025 at 3:23 AM
AUBREY: Hester. Can you just...do that thing where you put your hands on my shoulders and smell my hair please. Without the judgement.
BRYONY: They're just a higher class of dead. Premium dead, if you will. And they'll be premium dead forever.
December 16, 2025 at 2:52 AM
BRYONY: They're just a higher class of dead. Premium dead, if you will. And they'll be premium dead forever.
WARREN: Yep… I just want to take a moment to say that this is the most Gordon Porlock thing that has ever happened.
December 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
WARREN: Yep… I just want to take a moment to say that this is the most Gordon Porlock thing that has ever happened.
GORD: The pink-footed goose. It's squawk heralds a new day. Covered in bird shit.
December 16, 2025 at 1:41 AM
GORD: The pink-footed goose. It's squawk heralds a new day. Covered in bird shit.
WARREN: I didn't even know what this job was, okay? My wife got it for me.
GORDON: Oh. Right.
WARREN: Look, I've been out of work for a while, okay. I... wasn't well. I... I wasn't well.
GORDON: Oh. Right.
WARREN: Look, I've been out of work for a while, okay. I... wasn't well. I... I wasn't well.
December 16, 2025 at 1:04 AM
WARREN: I didn't even know what this job was, okay? My wife got it for me.
GORDON: Oh. Right.
WARREN: Look, I've been out of work for a while, okay. I... wasn't well. I... I wasn't well.
GORDON: Oh. Right.
WARREN: Look, I've been out of work for a while, okay. I... wasn't well. I... I wasn't well.
WARREN: About half an hour ago.
GORDON: When you were...
WARREN: Tipsy and preoccupied with Sonic the Hedgehog, yes. It went as well as you're imagining.
GORDON: When you were...
WARREN: Tipsy and preoccupied with Sonic the Hedgehog, yes. It went as well as you're imagining.
December 16, 2025 at 12:26 AM
WARREN: About half an hour ago.
GORDON: When you were...
WARREN: Tipsy and preoccupied with Sonic the Hedgehog, yes. It went as well as you're imagining.
GORDON: When you were...
WARREN: Tipsy and preoccupied with Sonic the Hedgehog, yes. It went as well as you're imagining.
AUBREY: Got some minor heroics to take care of.
December 15, 2025 at 11:49 PM
AUBREY: Got some minor heroics to take care of.
BRYONY: This is making you uncomfortable, isn't it Gordon.
GORDON: Everything here makes me uncomfortable.
BRYONY: Keep telling yourself that, champ.
GORDON: Everything here makes me uncomfortable.
BRYONY: Keep telling yourself that, champ.
December 15, 2025 at 11:14 PM
BRYONY: This is making you uncomfortable, isn't it Gordon.
GORDON: Everything here makes me uncomfortable.
BRYONY: Keep telling yourself that, champ.
GORDON: Everything here makes me uncomfortable.
BRYONY: Keep telling yourself that, champ.
GORDON: That track was called Morior Invictus. It's about galloping towards a glorious death.
December 15, 2025 at 10:43 PM
GORDON: That track was called Morior Invictus. It's about galloping towards a glorious death.
BRYONY: The reason I'm putting you in that pod over and over again is not because you're The One. And it's not because you're invulnerable. It's because you're a time sensitive resource.
December 15, 2025 at 10:05 PM
BRYONY: The reason I'm putting you in that pod over and over again is not because you're The One. And it's not because you're invulnerable. It's because you're a time sensitive resource.
AUBREY: Bit of a soft ending.
December 15, 2025 at 9:30 PM
AUBREY: Bit of a soft ending.
GORDON: Just another easy fix by Gordon Porlock... Warden of the Valley.
December 15, 2025 at 8:55 PM
GORDON: Just another easy fix by Gordon Porlock... Warden of the Valley.
CLIVE: Bit like Titanic this, isn't it? When Rose's mum is sat on the lifeboat watching everyone, well you know... Watching it all happen.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
December 15, 2025 at 8:17 PM
CLIVE: Bit like Titanic this, isn't it? When Rose's mum is sat on the lifeboat watching everyone, well you know... Watching it all happen.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
PAMELA: Watching the boat sink and all the poor people drown?
AWKWARD SILENCE.
CLIVE: Eleven Oscars. Good movie.
WARREN: Do you ignore everyone in the future or just me?
AUBREY: Are you okay to walk?
WARREN: I'll walk up Ballbag if you start answering me.
AUBREY: Are you okay to walk?
WARREN: I'll walk up Ballbag if you start answering me.
December 15, 2025 at 7:40 PM
WARREN: Do you ignore everyone in the future or just me?
AUBREY: Are you okay to walk?
WARREN: I'll walk up Ballbag if you start answering me.
AUBREY: Are you okay to walk?
WARREN: I'll walk up Ballbag if you start answering me.
GORDON: But that was it. No more contact. No response to any messages. I even called him. Nothing. Just like the job, Oscar had dropped me.
December 15, 2025 at 7:02 PM
GORDON: But that was it. No more contact. No response to any messages. I even called him. Nothing. Just like the job, Oscar had dropped me.
CLIVE: Let him go? Who's in charge here? This guy? This piss-drinking motherfucker?
December 15, 2025 at 6:26 PM
CLIVE: Let him go? Who's in charge here? This guy? This piss-drinking motherfucker?
GORDON: (CLOSE) You swear?
WARREN: (CLOSE) I swear.
GORDON: (CLOSE) You swear.
WARREN: (CLOSE) Could you take your hand off my knee?
WARREN: (CLOSE) I swear.
GORDON: (CLOSE) You swear.
WARREN: (CLOSE) Could you take your hand off my knee?
December 15, 2025 at 5:46 PM
GORDON: (CLOSE) You swear?
WARREN: (CLOSE) I swear.
GORDON: (CLOSE) You swear.
WARREN: (CLOSE) Could you take your hand off my knee?
WARREN: (CLOSE) I swear.
GORDON: (CLOSE) You swear.
WARREN: (CLOSE) Could you take your hand off my knee?
BRYONY: There he is. There's Warren Godby. The only power he ever had. A wide eyed stare and that intimidating breathing. You don't frighten me Warren. You've never frightened anyone. Even the man you killed.
December 15, 2025 at 5:14 PM
BRYONY: There he is. There's Warren Godby. The only power he ever had. A wide eyed stare and that intimidating breathing. You don't frighten me Warren. You've never frightened anyone. Even the man you killed.
CLIVE: I wasn't kidding man, I'll stab you in the fucking eye with this fork. Now that's a really elaborate suicide but I reckon I can do it.
December 15, 2025 at 4:43 PM
CLIVE: I wasn't kidding man, I'll stab you in the fucking eye with this fork. Now that's a really elaborate suicide but I reckon I can do it.
CLIVE: Everyone's going on about frogs. I don't know. I slept the whole way here.
REBECCA: You didn't see the bridge? Giant frog statues. Like 10 feet tall statues of frogs.
REBECCA: You didn't see the bridge? Giant frog statues. Like 10 feet tall statues of frogs.
December 15, 2025 at 4:04 PM
CLIVE: Everyone's going on about frogs. I don't know. I slept the whole way here.
REBECCA: You didn't see the bridge? Giant frog statues. Like 10 feet tall statues of frogs.
REBECCA: You didn't see the bridge? Giant frog statues. Like 10 feet tall statues of frogs.
GORDON: Did you listen to it?
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
December 15, 2025 at 3:30 PM
GORDON: Did you listen to it?
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
WARREN: Hello?
GORDON: Did you listen to the tape?
WARREN: Gordon.
GORDON: No, I'm the other guy you met yesterday who put his balls on the line sending recordings of highly sensitive material to your house.,
CLIVE: Fuck sake. Where is Gordon bloody Porlock?
December 15, 2025 at 2:54 PM
CLIVE: Fuck sake. Where is Gordon bloody Porlock?
WARREN: It’s going to be very difficult for you to go serious on me because this level is called...?
GORDON: The Death Egg Zone.
WARREN: The fucking Death Egg! What were they thinking?!
GORDON: The Death Egg Zone.
WARREN: The fucking Death Egg! What were they thinking?!
December 15, 2025 at 2:17 PM
WARREN: It’s going to be very difficult for you to go serious on me because this level is called...?
GORDON: The Death Egg Zone.
WARREN: The fucking Death Egg! What were they thinking?!
GORDON: The Death Egg Zone.
WARREN: The fucking Death Egg! What were they thinking?!