The funniest day of my life was finding out my grandma farts
May 23, 2025 at 11:57 AM
The funniest day of my life was finding out my grandma farts
All gender bathrooms are good for everyone because I know we all shit there
February 8, 2025 at 8:18 PM
All gender bathrooms are good for everyone because I know we all shit there
My wife is always doing funny shit and then asking me why I’m laughing
January 17, 2025 at 8:51 PM
My wife is always doing funny shit and then asking me why I’m laughing
All love to Ethel Cain…
I just spent an hour and a half listening to a leaf blower
I just spent an hour and a half listening to a leaf blower
January 9, 2025 at 5:14 PM
All love to Ethel Cain…
I just spent an hour and a half listening to a leaf blower
I just spent an hour and a half listening to a leaf blower
I come to the pho place because yes, the pho is very good, but also because there is a 100% chance that they will be playing Laufey
December 20, 2024 at 8:56 PM
I come to the pho place because yes, the pho is very good, but also because there is a 100% chance that they will be playing Laufey
When you get off at the same exit as a car that is the same as yours, that’s kind of like your car’s tether
December 20, 2024 at 2:42 AM
When you get off at the same exit as a car that is the same as yours, that’s kind of like your car’s tether
They put audiobooks on Spotify and suddenly everyone’s a reader (I’m everyone)
December 13, 2024 at 4:01 AM
They put audiobooks on Spotify and suddenly everyone’s a reader (I’m everyone)
I work at a med school, so me and my lazy eye fit right in
December 5, 2024 at 11:48 PM
I work at a med school, so me and my lazy eye fit right in
Go forth and piss young maiden
December 3, 2024 at 1:02 AM
Go forth and piss young maiden
Watching the Stanford Prison Experiment documentary thinking only a man would do any of this
November 19, 2024 at 3:01 AM
Watching the Stanford Prison Experiment documentary thinking only a man would do any of this
There’s a man on the trolley writing an absolute book of a text with just his pointer finger.
November 17, 2024 at 1:03 AM
There’s a man on the trolley writing an absolute book of a text with just his pointer finger.
I haven’t been posting on here bc I’m too busy tweeting
July 15, 2023 at 2:25 AM
I haven’t been posting on here bc I’m too busy tweeting
Carrying my 60 pound package from Chewy up the stairs feeling like Dave Bautista
July 13, 2023 at 5:04 PM
Carrying my 60 pound package from Chewy up the stairs feeling like Dave Bautista
My reading comprehension isn’t good enough to hit my tweet limit. Why am I here?
July 10, 2023 at 6:27 PM
My reading comprehension isn’t good enough to hit my tweet limit. Why am I here?
Sat on my invite code until I saw someone say that Threads was going to be friendly. Like, I’m pleased to introduce you to your grandmother. She’s a menace who watches infowars
July 10, 2023 at 6:25 PM
Sat on my invite code until I saw someone say that Threads was going to be friendly. Like, I’m pleased to introduce you to your grandmother. She’s a menace who watches infowars