Renzo & Knuckles
@renzoknuckles.bsky.social
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polydactyl cat (knuckles) and his boy (renzo) // he/they
twitch.tv/renzoandknuckles
https://sendou.ink/u/renzo
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![I love playing competitively, but wonder if I have to reevaluate my place in the community, if I even have one, honestly. It seems as though I won't likely be able to get what I want out of comp as a player-- It's a team sport, and I can't keep a team, let alone one that checks all of the boxes that would make it worth continuing to grind. I'm sure I could probably find a team that's lower level and maybe even closer to my age, but that would likely make me feel unfulfilled. I want quality games against tough competition with teammates on my same wavelength, and it shouldn't be a big effort for me to get that baseline and maintain it, but it is, and it's partially because I'm a weird archetype for a player. I'm older! I can maintain this sort of thing as a hobby assuming it more closely resembles a recreational sports league, but that's not really how it works. I think I'm pretty good at the game, but without a lot of time to grind solo or a steady team of similar players to get results with, how would I get further than I am? Would that even get me closer to what I want out of comp? Hard to say, but feels pretty unlikely!
It sucks feeling that way, but what am I supposed to do? I've given it 2 years (on the dot, btw (happy anniversary)) of my free time, tried with multiple teams that fizzle out after a couple of months, and put a lot of effort into making things work, but I can't help but feel like if it was meant to be it wouldn't be this hard.
So, what? I haven't gotten to play by myself in weeks, and I won't be at Riptide (even though I made an oopsie and neglected to get the refundable hotel booking, tee hee). I feel like I have a lot to give, but I am just not sure what that looks like right now? Should I try TO'ing, something I have experience with between streaming and actually running tournaments for other games? Should I try coaching? Am I absolutely definitely done playing comp primarily? I dunno!
[joke about joining/killing another team in a month]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:fftlwnurct3z5mvyxzkmmjp7/bafkreido6fcloj5sqse5kvsmimha675i2aqnd7dkl4cozaipw626okaq3a@jpeg)
