Randall
@rtlee2001.bsky.social
Live in Central Florida. Life long Democrat. Need to find online sanity but also strategies for the next four years.
I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation. Then I saw that dragon and shit myself.
May 24, 2025 at 7:25 PM
I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation. Then I saw that dragon and shit myself.
How come the hearing aid advertisements don't have old people in them anymore?
They seem to be my age... wait a minute...
They seem to be my age... wait a minute...
April 30, 2025 at 6:32 AM
How come the hearing aid advertisements don't have old people in them anymore?
They seem to be my age... wait a minute...
They seem to be my age... wait a minute...
Period jokes aren't funny. I'm bloody serious!
April 20, 2025 at 8:43 AM
Period jokes aren't funny. I'm bloody serious!
Feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period.
April 19, 2025 at 6:54 AM
Feminine sanitation jokes are inappropriate. Period.
You know you are under a lot of stress when you start getting on your own nerves.
April 18, 2025 at 10:57 AM
You know you are under a lot of stress when you start getting on your own nerves.
None of the scenarios in which I would require a watch that works 200m underwater are situations in which my watch would be my main concern.
April 17, 2025 at 11:34 AM
None of the scenarios in which I would require a watch that works 200m underwater are situations in which my watch would be my main concern.
They called them seat cushions because stool softeners didn't sound quite right.
April 16, 2025 at 12:43 AM
They called them seat cushions because stool softeners didn't sound quite right.
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
April 11, 2025 at 10:58 AM
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
My friend was telling me how his son is failing 3rd grade, and he's not sure how to tell him he's going to be held back. I said, "well, I'd recommend very slowly because the kid is obviously dumb as a rock!"
April 7, 2025 at 10:03 AM
My friend was telling me how his son is failing 3rd grade, and he's not sure how to tell him he's going to be held back. I said, "well, I'd recommend very slowly because the kid is obviously dumb as a rock!"
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask them to dribble a football.
April 6, 2025 at 10:24 AM
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask them to dribble a football.
In Back to the Future, in the scene at Lou’s Cafe, Lou is confused by Marty’s references to Tab and Pepsi Free sodas because they don’t exist yet.
Young viewers today are confused because those products are relics of the past.
Young viewers today are confused because those products are relics of the past.
April 5, 2025 at 11:42 AM
In Back to the Future, in the scene at Lou’s Cafe, Lou is confused by Marty’s references to Tab and Pepsi Free sodas because they don’t exist yet.
Young viewers today are confused because those products are relics of the past.
Young viewers today are confused because those products are relics of the past.
Domesticated dogs can be very large because they’re too loyal to eat us.
Domesticated cats must be very small, otherwise they would eat us.
Domesticated cats must be very small, otherwise they would eat us.
April 4, 2025 at 12:27 PM
Domesticated dogs can be very large because they’re too loyal to eat us.
Domesticated cats must be very small, otherwise they would eat us.
Domesticated cats must be very small, otherwise they would eat us.
I was going to start jogging today, but then I remembered that I own a car.
April 3, 2025 at 10:55 PM
I was going to start jogging today, but then I remembered that I own a car.
Reposted by Randall
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
March 31, 2025 at 5:29 AM
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
I remember at a very early age, my dad sat me down and told me about contraception, and how he wished he'd known more about it.
March 30, 2025 at 2:40 PM
I remember at a very early age, my dad sat me down and told me about contraception, and how he wished he'd known more about it.
If my “check engine” light would check my wallet, it would know there’s nothing I can do about it!
March 28, 2025 at 11:13 AM
If my “check engine” light would check my wallet, it would know there’s nothing I can do about it!
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
March 27, 2025 at 7:08 AM
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, “neighborhood watch” isn’t what I thought it was.
I wanna be buried in a spring loaded casket with loads of confetti. Why?
Because then in the future, some archaeologist is going to have one awesome day at work.
Because then in the future, some archaeologist is going to have one awesome day at work.
March 26, 2025 at 8:58 AM
I wanna be buried in a spring loaded casket with loads of confetti. Why?
Because then in the future, some archaeologist is going to have one awesome day at work.
Because then in the future, some archaeologist is going to have one awesome day at work.
The instructions for my funeral are for someone to come up front at the end and padlock my coffin shut just to freak everyone out.
March 25, 2025 at 8:51 PM
The instructions for my funeral are for someone to come up front at the end and padlock my coffin shut just to freak everyone out.
I want to know the specific details surrounding the situation that first led to shit literally hitting a fan.
March 20, 2025 at 1:37 AM
I want to know the specific details surrounding the situation that first led to shit literally hitting a fan.
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I'm going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck.
March 17, 2025 at 10:38 AM
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, I'm going to create a hybrid of a four leaf clover and poison ivy and give myself a rash of good luck.
If people really didn’t care what others think of them, we’d have a world full of assholes treating others terribly doing whatever they want whenever they want....
Wait….
Wait….
March 16, 2025 at 10:43 AM
If people really didn’t care what others think of them, we’d have a world full of assholes treating others terribly doing whatever they want whenever they want....
Wait….
Wait….
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
March 11, 2025 at 9:59 AM
A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.
Hamsters are like cigarettes, they’re completely harmless until you put on in your mouth and set it on fire.
March 9, 2025 at 11:09 AM
Hamsters are like cigarettes, they’re completely harmless until you put on in your mouth and set it on fire.