Author | Lightnews

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 15h

I have lived a life. Ive learned a lot of lessons and i still am. Just because theyre different lessons to yours doesn't mean theyre wrong and it certainly doesn't give you the right to try to tell me how to live and think.

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 15h

Litterally why does she bother to comment if shes just going to be like that. Im tempted to block at this point.

Yes i fucking know what it takes im not a child or a dumbass ive been working on figuring this shit out for years and frankly youre a terrible person to give life advice.

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 15h

Sorry for posting this here but if i post it on Tertiaryshlee then *she* will see and be mildly condescending telling me to stop pondering in more words.

Also lets be real this is the brain delving account.

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 15h

Idk theres something here but i feel like im just barely missing the point. Like im spinning around it but not quite touching it.

I think this is actually good for my brain though. Though its fascinating that this seems driven primarily by psychology not libido.

Chat am i ace actually

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 15h

I wonder if this is part of why im such a sub: my own sense of unworthiness is forced away bc i must submit to a greater will. I am worthy of being dominated.

Probably why i like gentle doms tbh. I'm forced out of my own head and get reinforcement that im wanted and doing good while i am.

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 1d

I legit wish i knew how many times i tried to od on everything in my medicine cabinet and had like an itemized list of what it did to me but legit i only barely remember those days. Bad fuckin times. Glad theyre over.

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 2d

Think I'm depressed

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 2d

Growing apart sucks

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 2d

I think im needing socializing

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 3d

Something would be terribly poetic about making it this far dragging myself out of the pit only to die bc I'd damaged my organs so bad that i was always fucked.

Idk im catastrophizing but fuck.

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 3d

Tfw the depression hits

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 3d

What a fucking shit of a life.

Not certain i ever left that bed. Maybe i suceeded. Maybe it just took a long time.

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 3d

I need to live alone again. Or with my gf or something I've just gotta get out of this for my own sanity

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 3d

Hm that scar isn't healed.

I respect boundaries, i respect her feelings on the matter, i understand.

Doesn't make it hurt less that she doesn't want me

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 9d

I miss having a community but none have worked out

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 9d

I should simply leave the internet Shlees dont belong online

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 9d

Time for your nightly shlee meltdown yayyy

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 9d

Nothing irritates me more than someone who thinks they're teaching me how to do what i already do fine at.

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 10d

I hate about 75% of my life but theres a good quarter

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 10d

Get out of your fucking head. Shlee

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 10d

And yep ok im melting down now yay love that fuck this fucking brain

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 13d

but also damn everything really started clicking into place when i killed that demon

The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 13d

i have this whole canon for how this fits into the demon and the night in the garage but legit i think this is just the mind making rationalizations for active severe mental illness anymore

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 13d

there was also a cool bug there and also a turnip with tentacles

that was a cool trip, i wish i could remember how to do that again but also maybe thats for the best i cant and quite possible it requires the right mix of an active episode and drugs.

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The One Who Puppermodes @secondaryshlee.bsky.social · 13d

that time i was losing my mind enough i visited a Cheshire cat with many sets of eyes that stretched up to the sunless and starless skies

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