Author | Lightnews

The Swan

@shoelessjeff.bsky.social

39 followers 2 following 290 posts

Currently taking the shape of a swan on a lake. Posts are presented as parody. No shoes, please.

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The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 15d

Once Again, Blue Jays Prove They are #1 Ball-club of Canada

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 17h

Verizon Everything Plan Includes Smartphone, Contacts of Old Verizon Guy

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 21h

Canine Poker Ring Vows Revenge On Cosa Nostra

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 1d

@theonion.com Breaking: Andrew Cuomo Endorses Andrew Cuomo For Mayor

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 2d

#Mariners SuperFan Comes to Grips, Returns to Underwater Man Cave Until Next Season #MLB

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 2d

Coming Soon: The Swan Goes Deep with Newest Dallas Employee–Getting a Masters in NBA To Help Raise His GPA

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 2d

Marketplace: Micro-Bowling Alley Spits Tickets, Collects Fingerprints, Coins, and Wishes to Meet a Genie. $12,095.

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 3d

Furloughed Family's #Halloween Spread Now Just Bucket of "Mystery Soil"

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 3d

Lourve Theives Leave Trail of Clues to Attend Iluminati Book Signing With Dan Brown

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 3d

Hot Topic: Half Baked AI Browsers Being Released Into the Wild

"No worries for me. I stopped using computers the moment my phone told me to." - Amy G.

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 4d

#Amazon Servers Go Dark

"I Will Always Remember Amazon. They Really Believed Mailing People Books Would Change The World. Poor Bastards."

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 5d

Senior Reading USA Today at O'Hare Airport Detained by TSA
for Questioning, Over 65 Polling

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 6d

After Perfect Performance, #MLB Sends Shohei #Ohtani to Cooperstown in Human-Sized Display Case

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 7d

Neighborly Barfly Going with Black Hoodie for 10th Halloween in a Row

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 7d

Home Depot Skeleton Unleashes New Amityville Horrors, Residential Patio Improvements

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 8d

Fictional History: On Day 17 of the Gov #Shutdown, popular vocal group Pentatonix sang the U.S. Constitution a cappella for an empty Capital Rotunda, thus inspiring the resolution of medicaid, immigration, and any misuse of they/them.

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 8d

Meta's #Instagram Launches PG-13 Filter

"I see nothing catastrophic about this move, considering anyone can adjust their birthday sans verification. For instance, on IG I'm a 76 year old St. Bernard, named Chandler Roo. Guess that's in dog years? I dunno. Back in your seats everyone!"

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 9d

Your Best Life: Family Votes to Donate 4G Devil Phones to Church Basket

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 9d

Chosen One Sculpting Future of Mankind With AI, Ball of Clay

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 10d

Topical: New Running Group Guy Actually Running for Something Important

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 11d

Teen Fulfills Lifelong Dream of Directing Air Traffic With "That's What She Said" Jokes

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 11d

@lastweektonight.com Breaking: #CBS News Pivots From Hard Journalism to Karaoke

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 11d

Like fine wine!

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 11d

@theonion.com #Mariners Star Nearly Impales Bat Boy With Trident During HR Celebration

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 13d

Real Estate: This NorCal Ewok Abode, Featured in "Return of the Jedi", is carbon neutral, boasts wonderful glow form natural ghosts and and smells of "The Force." Going for 5.6M.

The Swan @shoelessjeff.bsky.social · 15d

Once Again, Blue Jays Prove They are #1 Ball-club of Canada