My birthday is tomorrow and I’ve never felt less excited
January 31, 2026 at 2:31 AM
My birthday is tomorrow and I’ve never felt less excited
Retrograde Jupiter in cancer watching Mercury & Mars pass it by in capricorn
January 13, 2026 at 12:16 AM
Retrograde Jupiter in cancer watching Mercury & Mars pass it by in capricorn
Me & Tish James wore the same shade of green today, did you?
January 8, 2026 at 10:36 PM
Me & Tish James wore the same shade of green today, did you?
The world is irredeemable
January 8, 2026 at 6:43 PM
The world is irredeemable
I wasn’t invited to the all hands business meeting so I think I’m gonna quit
January 8, 2026 at 4:30 PM
I wasn’t invited to the all hands business meeting so I think I’m gonna quit
I fell down the stairs and now I have a gimpy arm, that’s show business!
December 22, 2025 at 6:51 PM
I fell down the stairs and now I have a gimpy arm, that’s show business!
Lock in your resolutions before the sun exits Sagittarius in about one hour
December 21, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Lock in your resolutions before the sun exits Sagittarius in about one hour
Somebody lock up my phone I’m going on one too many little shopping sprees
November 27, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Somebody lock up my phone I’m going on one too many little shopping sprees
I have to stop reading signs
September 13, 2025 at 8:22 PM
I have to stop reading signs
Raising my debt ceiling
June 7, 2025 at 3:47 AM
Raising my debt ceiling
What’s in my ikea bag? (It’s one item)
April 4, 2025 at 12:03 AM
What’s in my ikea bag? (It’s one item)
Have you ever been murdered
December 17, 2024 at 2:48 AM
Have you ever been murdered
I am capable of anything, but only if I want to be
December 4, 2024 at 7:52 PM
I am capable of anything, but only if I want to be
Living is so embarrassing
November 26, 2024 at 3:08 AM
Living is so embarrassing
q was robbed of the opportunity to be in the word cute, half the word is in the letter anyway
October 12, 2024 at 2:44 AM
q was robbed of the opportunity to be in the word cute, half the word is in the letter anyway
Why do humans hate rivers so much
September 7, 2024 at 11:04 PM
Why do humans hate rivers so much
Uhm it’s actually Nirvaña
September 1, 2024 at 12:16 PM
Uhm it’s actually Nirvaña
Nissan Altima
With paper license plate tags
Holding an ice cream
With paper license plate tags
Holding an ice cream
August 30, 2024 at 8:47 PM
Nissan Altima
With paper license plate tags
Holding an ice cream
With paper license plate tags
Holding an ice cream
The bean curve has genus zero
August 17, 2024 at 8:39 PM
The bean curve has genus zero
Me as a political commentator: Look, *exhales organs*
July 31, 2024 at 12:39 AM
Me as a political commentator: Look, *exhales organs*