Snomflakes
@snomflakes.bsky.social
1.5K followers 110 following 140 posts
• 🇵🇷 | 22 | 🏳‍🌈 • Main account • No, I don't do commissions • Seals and bread are the greatest things ever
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snomflakes.bsky.social
Decided to give Neru some attention on this fine Tuesday because she deserves it and I love a good underdog story
snomflakes.bsky.social
Well yeah duh I'm right hereee 🙄🙄🙄
Reposted by Snomflakes
dynogreeno.bsky.social
Any crunch fans here? #art #furryart #fanart #crashbandicoot
snomflakes.bsky.social
I said a NEW Fire Emblem game

Engage is already over 2 years old, they gotta have SOMETHING in the works by now
snomflakes.bsky.social
I don't know man, I just loathe being such a sore loser, and KNOWING that I am one

Sometimes, that fact alone makes me embarrassed to even entertain the idea that I could ever be as good as my peers

They may feel jealousy of their own too, but at least they're not making it everyone else's problem
snomflakes.bsky.social
And I hate how little control I have over the feeling

No matter how much I try to hold it in, I have a burning need to express it in some way, shape or form

Something NEEDS to be on the receiving end of those thoughts or it'll just tear me up inside

Though I figure doing this isn't much better
snomflakes.bsky.social
I'm stuck in this endless cycle of wanting to have my own merits to justify feeling like I'm remotely on the same level as the people around me, but my lack thereof and the growing number of feats on their part just keeps widening that ever-disproportionate gap between myself and them by the day
snomflakes.bsky.social
God, it's so draining to feel such seething jealousy towards the achievements of my peers 😮‍💨

I WANT to be happy for them, for going places and making something out of themselves, but my first instinct is ALWAYS to feel like those victories are just one more thing they have to their name that I don't
snomflakes.bsky.social
The "thump-thumping" speeds up, you're my idol~
snomflakes.bsky.social
So here I am, a barely competent artist in his 20s desperately struggling to amount to something, not having nearly enough to show for it, and a dusty guitar that never got to sing a song in its entire life

All the "talent" in the world is worthless if you never develop the discipline to work hard
snomflakes.bsky.social
And yet, despite that, I never had the courage to try

Because the fear of failure and proving my incompetence was greater

It's why I never pursued things like animation, despite my interest in it

I always feel like I'm never gonna be good enough for these things; that I shouldn't even bother
snomflakes.bsky.social
I wanted to learn this instrument because my dad and his dad know how to play it

I didn't grow up with them, so I always felt like there was a big, empty hole in my life

I felt so detached from them and I hated it

So, to me, this guitar was my best bet to have some kind of connection with them
snomflakes.bsky.social
And I kept doing that

For years

And years

And years...

And to this day, I still am, because I'm just as afraid of failure as I was the moment I got this guitar

And the worst part about this is that this one of the few things in my life that I actually DON'T want to do for the social validation
snomflakes.bsky.social
I have no patience for long endeavors

Art was already taking me long enough to get good at, and I can't bring myself to commit another huge chunk of my lifetime just to be decent at something else

I was so scared of my efforts amounting to nothing that I never even dared to try; to spare myself
snomflakes.bsky.social
Throughout the years, there were a few times where I would get the sudden, slight urge to pick it up again, and try to learn

But reality was quick to set in when I did, and ruminating on all the turbulence I'd have to deal with just so I can MAYBE eventually get good at it disheartened me
snomflakes.bsky.social
Ever since I got this thing over a decade ago, I felt perplexed by how...elaborate an instrument is to even play right

The way it required such a heightened dexterity to play was overwhelming

I couldn't fathom ever doing anything so...specific

It felt almost inhuman

So I never even tried
snomflakes.bsky.social
This sort of approach made me develop a bad habit of never taking intellectual, focused, long-effort practices to learn skills

I could just brute force my way through it and come out the other side just the same as anyone else, due to my "raw talent"

But this guitar proves why talent is not enough
snomflakes.bsky.social
Growing up, I was often told that I'm talented for being able to make so much progress as an artist despite my lack of formal education or practice

I was SO against the idea of using references that I forced myself to learn how to draw without EVER using them

Admirable, sure

But it had its flaws
snomflakes.bsky.social
I was just reminded of my small guitar, stored in my closet, gathering dust as it usually does, and I felt sad looking at it again

That guitar's existence and my absence of history with it are proof of what makes me such a horrible student

I never learned how to play it in all these years
Reposted by Snomflakes