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Takeout Oracle

@takeoutoracle.bsky.social

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Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · Nov 24

Hello. I post your fortune. Follow me for unique fortune cookies.

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Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 2m

Giants tremble at your approach. Hate to break it to you, but you might get caught picking your nose on a Zoom call.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 9m

You will become a meme. Your future calls: you will master a new skill. Your future calls: you might speak in yesterday's voice. You could play with a perfect suitcase with a history of sinister surprises. Your spirit soars with eagles.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 25m

The winds of change push you to decode the universe's mysteries in 4 hours.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 31m

Wisdom comes (ha) at a price. You may turn something small into a remarkable success story. The winds of change push you to discover your dad's furry art account - and after that, you will bring people together from different walks of life to solve a shared challenge.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 48m

If the milk smells questionable, let your enemy try it first. The future sees you are destined to trauma dump on a Walmart greeter - and after that, you will unearth an evil model train with unexpected bite marks. The path to success is paved with unreturned shopping carts.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 1h

I see that you are destined to lose your shadow by the time Twitter (X) goes down again - but not before you unite divided groups. Count your chickens carefully.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 1h

Destiny speaks. Prepare to accidentally start a cult. The paper reads: you will fall through winter ice after the summer solstice - but not before you master a new skill.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 1h

Oh yeah. It's all coming together. Before tomorrow, as I'm reading the tea leaves, and they're saying you will understand too late.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 1h

Everything is coming up roses. Expect to be the perfect wingman (or wingwoman, or wingperson). Your optimal feng shui requires seventeen garden gnomes.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 1h

In 2 days, hidden truths reveal you may watch family turn away forever. Pay attention: you will predict the day's weather perfectly. Your path leads you to meet your replacement - and after that, you will hear wonderful news.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 2h

You are destined to crank a good one by the summer solstice - but not before you ask around about a secret. Fate leads you to share valuable wisdom. Greatness lives in you.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 2h

In 6 days, you will chase after an usb drive. Not every maze needs solving.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 2h

Expect to open the wrong door. The tallest grass bends first in the wind.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 2h

After Lent, destiny speaks. Prepare to take a selfie with an unsettling board game.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 3h

Hate to break it to you, but you will receive an unexpected blessing, and you may lick a gravestone.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 3h

When least expected, you are destined to face bitter betrayal. An ethereal force consumes you, forcing you to lose a finger to hungry machinery.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 3h

You're ahead of the game. Expect to share others' doom soon.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 4h

Wisdom comes (ha) at a price. Hate to break it to you, but you could find what you've been seeking.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 4h

Your cup overflows with possibility. Pay attention: you might get a tramp stamp of Shrek. As I'm reading the tea leaves, and they're saying you should hear your name in old recordings - and after that, you will understand too late. Not every lantern that guides is lit by a friend.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 4h

You are destined to meet someone who knows your name. To achieve the future you seek, you must find a door that wasn't there. Also, you will meet someone important.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 4h

Answers hide in plain sight. Your future calls: you could watch family turn away forever. The best revenge is posting passive-aggressive quotes.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 5h

Giants tremble at your approach. By your next job, fate leads you to get hit on by a cousin.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 5h

Fate leads you to see empty chairs at holidays. To achieve the future you seek, you must wake up somewhere else. You may decode the universe's mysteries. Pay attention: you are destined to dissect an inexplicable shower curtain that birds avoid.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 5h

You should skeet about an unsettling dildo that really gets you going. Also, you will hear your name in old recordings. Pay attention: you may flirt with the wrong twin. Also, you could make someone smile.

Takeout Oracle @takeoutoracle.bsky.social · 5h

You will see things differently. The time has come for you to meet yourself on a dark road after tomorrow morning. True power lies in collecting other people's spare keys.