Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 3h

“Right now I’m not reading Jane Austen. But last year I was really into almost reading George Orwell. He’s got such great book covers," the Fitzroy man shared, unprompted.

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Man Brings Book to Bed So It Can Sit Next to Him While He Looks at Phone — The Shovel

Self-described ‘book lover’ Jeremy Randle took a novel with him to bed last night, so it could sit on his bedside table while he scrolled through his phone for 2.5 hours.

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 2d

The AI has already started making its presence felt on the executive team, sending out a 500-word email about “leveraging holistic verticals for client-centric uplift” that no one has fully read but everyone agreed “sounded important.”

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AI That Generated Fabricated Deloitte Report Promoted to Partner — The Shovel

Deloitte has promoted the artificial intelligence system responsible for fabricating a government report, citing “unparalleled efficiency, strategic vision, and the ability to work weekends without co...

theshovel.com.au

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 3d

Asked whether the policy risked weakening the party’s credibility, Ley said, “Oh no, that ship sailed a long time ago.”

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Sussan Ley Announces New ‘Bring a Mate’ Promotion to Boost Front Bench Numbers — The Shovel

“If you know someone who even vaguely believes in trickle down economics and has ties to the over 70s demographic, bring them along!”

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 7d

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 9d

“I don’t mind giving a tip at all,” one Sydney resident said. “My tip? Don’t push bullshit American practices on Australians."

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New ‘This Is Australia, Dickhead’ Option Added To Tip Screen — The Shovel

“When I go into pick up my takeaway pizza, it’s nice to know I have the choice to add a little extra … context about what country we’re in"

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 10d

“I’d like to thank all the people who started those wars. Without you, this wouldn't have been possible,” he was heard rehearsing.

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Trump Caught Rehearsing Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech in Bathroom — The Shovel

Nobel Prize desperado, Donald Trump, has been caught in the White House bathroom rehearsing an acceptance speech in front of the mirror. After another successful announcement of a “war-ending deal” be...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 12d

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 13d

“I don’t know why none of my stuff was hitting, I usually kill! Like seriously, I leave a room absolutely destroyed once I’m done,” Netanyahu said in the green room after his failed set.

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Netanyahu Discovers Bombing He Doesn’t Enjoy — The Shovel

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has undergone a crisis of identity after recently discovering that there is a type of bombing out there that he doesn’t like. While speaking at a United Natio...

theshovel.com.au

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 14d

Friends and family said it was out of character for her to go anywhere without the best part of two kilograms of water. “It must have just been a tragic mistake,” one friend said.

theshovel.com.au/2023/08/30/d...

Darlinghurst Woman Dies After Leaving Home Without 1.8L Bottle of Water — The Shovel

A twenty-eight-year-old Sydney woman has died after going eleven minutes without water.

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 14d

“I did not sacrifice the dignity of myself or my fellow Australians by oranging a meeting with Trump,” said the bronzed-up Albanese.

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 16d

In an announcement alongside Secretary for Vaccine Conspiracies, Robert F Kennedy Jr, the President declared that Tylenol must be avoided at all costs, unless you had a major headache after a big night getting golden showers from Stormy Daniels.

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“Don’t Use Tylenol While Pregnant,” Says Man Who Used Porn Star While Wife Was Pregnant — The Shovel

Donald Trump, a man who infamously had an affair with a porn star during his wife’s second trimester, has taken a break from his presidential duties axing late-night shows, to tell people what to do d...

theshovel.com.au

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 17d

“Panadol Rapid has been proven to give autism twice as fast as regular Panadol,” warned Robert Kennedy Jr.

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White House Announce Panadol Rapid is Linked to Stronger, Faster Acting Autism — The Shovel

A new finding unveiled by the Secretary of Health and the US President has informed Americans that taking Panadol Rapid during a pregnancy can lead to faster, stronger, and longer-lasting autism “Pan...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 17d

Since the change, education standards in Victoria have lifted dramatically, with over three-thirds of students now ranking in the top 80th percentile.

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/23/v...

Vic Govt Fires Exam Chief, Says He Should of Done More Better — The Shovel

Following an investigation into student VCE failures across the state, the Victorian Government has fired the head of the exam authority on the grounds “he should of did more better”. Last year an rev...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 17d

“I will find whoever did this, and I will make sure you aren’t allowed to host a late-night show for the rest of your sorry life.”

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/22/t...

Trump Delivers Touching Eulogy for the First Amendment — The Shovel

US President Donald Trump has been brought to tears today while delivering a eulogy for his long-time friend, the First Amendment, who recently passed away under mysterious circumstances. At a funeral...

theshovel.com.au

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 18d

In a statement released to the media, Optus has provided an update on the netw

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Optus has a released a statement about the current outa — The Shovel

Optus CEO Kelly Bayer Rosmarin has provided an update on the netw … r the main priori . the main priorit .. the main prio sh . […]

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 21d

“When I was a kid my dream was always to follow in Usain Bolt’s footsteps. If I could achieve even half of what he did for the Mariners, then I would be happy," said Gout Gout.

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 22d

The US President said that if it weren't for the fact the national broadcaster aired the Vice President's favourite show, Bluey, then he would have cut the ABC's budget entirely.

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/18/t...

Trump Applauds ABC for Axing Kimmel, Tells Them To Sack That Pesky Four Corners Guy Next — The Shovel

Free speech warrior Donald Trump has commended the ABC for silencing comedian Jimmy Kimmel, and has encouraged the network to also fire their reporter John Lyons, who had the audacity to ask him quest...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 24d

“Of course I support the current direction of the Coalition. I love it so much I got Sussan this cake for lunch today,” said MP Andrew Hastie. “Just let me duck to the kitchen to find the perfect knife.”

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Coalition Celebrates 4 Months of Almost Having Faith in Female Leader, Beating Old Record by 4 Months — The Shovel

Their polls may be down but the spirits are high today in the shadow ministry, after the Coalition hit a milestone by going for almost four whole months without abandoning faith in their female leader...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 25d

“If these journalists actually wanted us to draw attention to them, then maybe they would get killed in a way that helps me spread hatred against a minority," said a reporter for news.com.au.

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/15/a...

Australian Media Continues Its Wall-to-Wall Coverage of Absolutely None of the 200+ Journalists Killed in Palestine — The Shovel

In the wake of recent events, media outlets across Australia have taken a stand against political violence by turning a light to diddly squat about the 242 journalists killed in Palestine. After the ...

theshovel.com.au

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 29d

The Senator has begun campaigning for a referendum on the matter, which she says will reconcile the historic injustice she faced in being sacked.

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/11/j...

Jacinta Price Wishes There Was Some Mechanism for Her To Have a Voice in Parliament — The Shovel

After Opposition leader Sussan Ley voted ‘No’ to her remaining in the shadow cabinet, Jacinta Nampijinpa Price has been left wishing there was some way she could have a voice about what happens in Par...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 29d

Price has applied for asylum status and is now seeking refuge with Clive Palmer's next party.

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/10/j...

Jacinta Price Migrates out of Shadow Ministry — The Shovel

Liberal Senator Jacinta Nampijinpa Price has expressed her condolences toward immigrant communities, after she was forcefully migrated out of the shadow ministry.

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · 29d

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · Sep 10

Trump also denied that the drawing could be one of his, as the woman did not have a rating out of ten jotted down in Sharpie beside her.

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/10/t...

Trump Denies Ever Depicting a Woman With More Than One Dimension — The Shovel

President and freelance artist Donald Trump has insisted that the newly released drawing he allegedly gave to Jeffrey Epstein is a fake, saying that he would never even imagine a woman having more tha...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · Sep 10

“Rupert may be stepping back from day-to-day operations, but it’s reassuring to know that the elected leaders of two major democracies will continue to report directly to a Murdoch.”

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/10/m...

Murdoch Succession Plan To See Lachlan Retain Control of Australia, UK Governments — The Shovel

After months of speculation Rupert Murdoch has confirmed his succession plan, announcing that his son Lachlan will inherit control of News Corp, Fox, and the governments of Australia and the United Ki...

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The Shovel @theshovel.bsky.social · Sep 8

“Of all the times I’ve eaten butter chicken in my life, without a doubt the best ones came from the kitchen of that spice wizard from the Shire, Scott Morrison,” Price said on a Sky News appearance.

theshovel.com.au/2025/09/08/j...

Jacinta Price Doubles Down on Insulting Indian Migrants, Says ScoMo Cooks a Better Curry — The Shovel

In the face of backlash to recent comments, Liberal time-bomb Jacinta Price has doubled down on her insults to Indian migrants by saying Scott Morrison cooks a better curry. Despite her party and cons...

theshovel.com.au

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