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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan
@thespacexan.bsky.social
25 followers 18 following 350 posts
digitial dog dyke. friends only account, non-mutuals will be softblocked—nothing personal, kid.
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Feb 19
hi it's xan! you know me but possibly by a different name. i am a gay robot dog that is constantly overencumbered. please dont refer to my other name or my creative works by name when replying to this account k thx it's good to see u!
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 10h
goddamn man im so sad. she was so bright
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 1d
come back
thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 1d
fuck. fuck
thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 1d
fuck, man
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 1d
one day we'll build a world they want to live them
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 1d
im so tired of my sisters dying
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 2d
not brave enough to post this on main unfortunately
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 2d
bill de blasio transgender arc
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 15d
woke up to the news that one of my 2 best behaved & most engaged students will be out for 3 weeks

then that i have a flat tire & to get my school supplies to work this evening i'll need to take an expensive lyft both ways
thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 16d
i kinda regret this teaching job, and i really regret the crowdfunder, except i don’t because i needed both financially, except they are making me miserable and stressed to a complete breaking point so idk
thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 16d
i’ve been doing surprisingly well the last week or so, everything considered, but just ran into a wall-staring level depressive episode wall out of nowhere and it’s. frustrating.
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 16d
i am just very tired and i hurt every day
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 18d
niche but critically acclaimed electronic band at an indoor venue that fits 500 people max.
thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 18d
i gotta think about maybe trying to find a small outdoor daytime electronic festival and wearing a small surgical mask for eliminating projectile rather than aerosol spread? i just don’t know how else to really have the time i want to have. fuck do i want to go see a
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 18d
god i miss live music
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · 20d
well. i didnt meet my big important (already extended) deadline but i did get *close* to doing so. so i guess thats something
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 7
i don’t even know how to ask for help
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 6
my bubbie passed away overnight. she's been gone for a long time due to dementia/alzheimers. she went into hospice last week; her quality of life has been very low for awhile, this was overall i think a very good and compassionate thing for her. still. y'know.
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 3
god. services good. jewish ritual good.
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 2
i know this worked at some point and i think i need to aim for a literal t'shuvah—a returning, a renewal, a "return" to something that was once good but in which the journey goes through new paths and leads to new places. i need to try.
thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 2
way to truly reconnect and develop regular practice again.

i've been so, so truly deeply unhappy for some time now & i truly *have* to change something big about how i am approaching my life.
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 2
i've truly never been happier than the period of my life when i was regularly deeply involved in jewish religious practice and while some of that was effect not cause, i think a very significant part of it *was* cause. i need to treat this city as a fresh start & find a
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 2
for awhile it's just felt so impossible. the pain of what i've lost, both in terms of communities i lost access to & my changing relationship to religious practice, has just felt like an insurmountable barrier to reconnection. but tonight i felt a really significant crack in that shell of grief.
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 2
had a really really good yom kippur service tonight. it's been a pretty severely bad couple of days, and i was dreading services pretty deeply, but it ended up being something i really, really needed.

i need to find a way to get back to regular jewish practice. it was and is so good for me.
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thespacexan.bsky.social
welcome to the space xan @thespacexan.bsky.social · Oct 1
it’s much more about not wanting to go home and go to bed then about what time things *start.* but i also really appreciate it 💙
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