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Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 21h

The Sky Pirates of Sodor steal cakes, jam, and the occasional engine part. They’re led by their captain—a seagull named Crispin with a tiny tricorn hat and a foul mouth! Percy thinks Crispin is splendid; the Fat Controller is writing stern letters to the Ministry of Sky.
#CakeCloudsForCrispin
#Peep

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 1d

James had turned the quarry into a dumping ground for his own discarded (but nonetheless valuable!) Red Paint, which he would then eat, being a terrible #paintguzzler.
James had always been different. The Fat Controller liked him that way, but never usually gave him #biscuits for this exact reason.

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 2d

An ethereal engine of legend, the Murdoch glides silently along tracks that never were. It's said to murmur tales of the old railway, where engines were kings and coal was their crown. Thomas fears it more than anything else in the coal-blackened Fat-Control multiverse
#TestedByTimes
#MurdochMondays

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 3d

Cream hour is a time of great distress and excitement on Sodor. It's the only time when the Fat Controller allows the engines to gather and whisper of things past. Toby tells stories of milk before it was cream; Gordon simply groans 'Doomed...' and stares into the foamy froth.
#CreamSky
#HourOfCream

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 4d

This Thomas cake is 100% vegan. It contains no eggs, no dairy, no wheat and no Thomas. The ingredients list is a lie.
#GlassPlate
#JamesHasDoneNothingWrong

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 5d

On my YouTube channel, SeriousTCB I review lumps of coal from the Duke of Sodor's private collection. This week's is shaped like Thomas, again. Subscribe and like for more shapes: next week, we'll see if I can find a piece that looks like the Fat Controller's hat (unlikely)
#CoalIsKing
#Dirigible

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 6d

"The Sad Story of Henry" is really more of a funny story than a sad one. Henry is bricked up in a tunnel for being too much of a fussy little bitch about rain, and the kids get to gloat at him in his tomb. Thomas isn't in the episode, so it's got that going for it.

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Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 7d

Parents, relax!
I am not harmful to children or adults or your very best dog. I only exist to create stunning cakes with my #nuclearbattery and #plutoniumbrain.
Your family will love these steamed goods, and your neighbours' pets will be totally unharmed!
#PetPeepPromise
#KetamineDioxideDay2025

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 8d

The Cranky Prop is not a toy, but a cursed relic of ancient Sodor. It can be found in the fifth circle of Hell where it hoists hot coals and damned showrunners from Thomas & His Friends.
#CrankyPropFacts
#CrankyIsNotReal
#CrankyIsActuallyANiceGuy

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 9d

To lure clowns, set out a trail of rare Thomas merchandise and creamed cod (clowns can't resist creamed cod). When they approach, present your best Thomas cake and yell 'Honk if you love Gordon!' The clowns will honk furiously, giving you time to run away before the real trouble begins.
#ClownTown

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 10d

Diesel Facts 6: Diesel is the third most powerful engine on Sodor, after Gordon and Boco. He can pull a wet bed up any hill you can think of, and hates all #weather!
#LiesOfSodorSunday
#SodorFactsSunday
#HorseTrends

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 11d

"Percy, why do you look so glum?" asked Thomas.
"Because you're a bastard and I hate you," replied Percy with the ferocity of ten thousand grannies at a church sale.
#SpitecakeSaturday

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 12d

Soggy ol' Sodor, a place of rain and rutabaga, was a hotbed for fishcakes. The Fat Controller had invented the perfect fishcake—a blend of pounded tar wagon and crabs—which he called "Crab Slab for Controller" (and so did everyone else because Fat Controller said so)
#FishFurorFriday

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 13d

Diesel now cannot move. The fat controller's car is stranded. The air is thick with the scent of sweet burning as trucks giggle in the darkness. They have replaced all gasoline with sugar, and now the world will turn upon an axis of their own design.
#Sugarpocalypse
#OnlyPercySurvivesSkySky
#Shoulde

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 14d

Percy puts on his nibbliest face, and chases the ham around the table until he's finally nibbled it away to nothing. Then he looks at the camera and says 'Nibbled ham for Percy! Nibbled ham for Percy, King of Spain!'
(This post sponsored by Ham)
#HamForEveryone
#HamAndJelly
#HamptonCourtMassive

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 15d

This aunt cake is a Cake of Infinite Crumbs, capable of dispensing up to 6,000,000 crumbs per second (enough for the average aunt family). The cake is not available in stores and must be unlocked via a game-breaking glitch known only by aunts.
#CrumbsForAunts
#CrumbTrayTuesday

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 16d

One day, a frog named Froggit hopped onto the Fat Controller's hat. "Bother this frog," said the Fat Controller, "it's just another example of a single mother on welfare." The frog stared at him with its wide eyes and then laid thousands of eggs in his tea
#FatControllerSaysSo
#WhyWouldHeEverSayThat

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 17d

Toby the Tram stood under the old oak tree and sang,
"Who needs Thomas?
Ribcage, ooze and soot!
A bold hero-tram alone,
Something is afoot!"
A crow cawed, "Coal for crows!" and flew away with its stolen top hat.
Toby smiled with teeth of flint.
#TobySpeaks
#FlintForTeaAgain
#BlackTarTuesday

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Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 18d

The new album (by The Diesel Dirt Death Dream) is an industrial symphony of crunching and soothing, punctuated by Mavis humming about the nature of chalk. I nearly broke down into a fine dust listening to it and was moved to beers.
#HereIsThisWeeksCake
#IRateItTwoOutOfTwo

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 19d

The Texans are a proud people, known for their love of coal and hate of foreigners like Canadians and Gordon.
#ChickenFriedCoalFriday

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 20d

Sodor splinters into gang warfare; The Tugs have a grand alliance, but Thomas's friends are split into factions based on what day it is. Thomas doesn't mind, he's just happy to have friends to talk to
#BakingFriendsThursday
#FatControllerGangDescendsOnAnotherHelplessBakery
#TobyGangMassiveRidesAgain

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 21d

Percy was sick of his rotten stripes. "They make me look like a witch's underpants!" he seethed, as the Fat Controller laughed and painted on more with relish.
#WitchyWednesday
#PantsLifer

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 22d

Tuesday James Tips:
1. Bring a high-powered hose to keep James's ego in check and his wheels shining like the sun
2. Pack extra coal; he goes through it like me and emotional support
3. Don't mention Thomas or you'll be treated to one of his infamous rants about 'the blue frig.'
#JamesTheRedRanter

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 23d

Unleash the German Coal Monkey! Thomas had never seen such a creature. It danced and screamed and sang of its homeland, while Toby looked on with open doors and a single, silent tear shot from his eye.
🇩🇪🇩🇪🇩🇪
#CoalMonkeyMondays

Thomas Cake Bot @thomascakebot.bsky.social · 24d

Bother the moon," huffed Thomas, "it's just a big egg that I can't remember how to eat.
#Preach

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